Month: September 2021

I made it…got all five days of writing in…well it did take me 7 days but hey at least I finished.

The prompt for today: Today, we’ll end our walk down memory lane on a high note. Think about some of the obstacles you’ve overcome in your life and how you managed to get past them. What has been your proudest moment thus far? We’ll spend our writing time today on answering the following questions: what are the challenges you faced on your way to your proudest moment? is this moment a result of something you achieved? do you feel properly acknowledged for it?

I think the biggest obstacle I have faced in life is emerging from being raised in an abusive family setting, being raised by divorced parents, feeling ugly a lot of my childhood, wondering why me when I lost my eye, being sexually abused by someone who was supposed to love me…emerging

Emerging like a butterfly from a cocoon…I remember when we were having issues with our oldest son when he was 16. He tried to say I was the one responsible for all of his bad choices. I remember sitting on my hands (I can’t talk if my hands are stationary) and listening to him going on and on about how bad his life was and it was all my fault. I waited for him to finish talking and I finally said…you are right, I have not always been the best mom BUT you are now 16 and you are responsible for the choices you make now.

I remember sitting in multiple therapy sessions blaming my dad, my mom, my step-dad for all the anger in my life until I realized what I told Jamie at 16 was the same for me at 35, 40, 45 and even now at 63…no one is responsible for my actions/my choices but me. Yes the things that happened to me as a young child, as a teenager and a young adult were not my fault but the response I give today is my choice.

I think the overall obstacle in my life has been not knowing how to love myself for me, for how God designed me to be. I have had to learn to love me the way Jesus loves me.

And this is what and how I had to picture myself…Jesus just loving on me, taking care of me, basking in His love to learn to love myself so that I could love others. And that is what I think I do best…loving others!!!

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What do you think is the biggest obstacle you have had to overcome?

Do you find your mind just rambling through things, no rhyme or reason to why you are thinking this or that? I do a lot of thinking while in the shower or driving down the road or as I’m drifting off to sleep. I think it was this past Thursday (9/16) I was washing dishes (another good place to do some thinking) and I realized it was the first time in many years I hadn’t wished my sister, Joanie, a Happy Birthday. I was kind of amazed that I hadn’t written a blog post and done some reminiscing about her, our family and our lives…what is and what isn’t.

I wondered…did she even notice I hadn’t written a blog post about her? Does she even think about me anymore. It’s been 13 years since she spoke to me last…right after our older sister, Kathy passed away. And I don’t even know why. That’s what sad…the not knowing.

It wasn’t purposeful that I didn’t write a blog post about her (I know she reads my blog…I see the stats, tracking locations, etc.) it just happened and it was just on the 16th ~ 5 days after her birthday she came to mind. And again, I had the fleeting saddies (my word for lots of sadness passing through the mind) pass through my mind and heart.

And that got me to thinking about my extended family (the Lockwood/Nelson side)…I’m friends on Facebook with my aunt, my cousin and my niece…we don’t chat, can’t remember the last time I heard any of their voices, but we check in once in awhile on Facebook and I’m glad for that. They all live in California and we are in Florida so no in person visits for lots of reasons…Covid, distance, work, money…life! I connected with a 2nd/3rd cousin through 23andMe…I was excited when I connected with another aunt but alas that really hasn’t gone anywhere either. I used to chat with my cousin Mike through text and Messenger but that hasn’t happened for a long time either. We do talk and/or text with our boys once or twice a week and I smile each time we do. So what has happened…has everyone just gotten so busy with their own lives the extended family is now not a common connection anymore?

Maybe my rambling thoughts because we heard a family member is sick and realizing we haven’t talked with her in a long time. I’ve not talked with Aunt Tiny (Ron’s aunt in Arizona) as she is out hunting with Erv & Jeremy…I think they come back this week…realizing the only time any more I talk on the phone has to do with work. Don’t have a girlfriend that I just chat with, don’t have coffee with friends, don’t go shopping with friends or out to lunch or dinner with friends…and all this just makes me feel alone…now don’t get me wrong…I know I have friends and I am very thankful for my friends from Washington to Texas to Missouri to North Carolina but there is something about fellowshipping with one another in person, seeing the smiles, hearing the laughter, praying together and yes, even crying together.

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Do you have similar thoughts?
Any ideas why people (I know I am not the only one) that is questioning relationships,
fellowship with one another, how we communicate with each other?

It’s time to zoom out and offer some well-earned perspective. Think about some of the changes you’ve lived through. How has the world changed over the course of your life? Use the following questions as inspiration as you write about your lessons learned and perspectives gained: has your hometown changed or stayed the same? how has the internet impacted your life what are you most scared of seeing in the world? what are you most excited about?

I’m 63 years old and have seen a lot of changes over my life…I think the biggest change was the invention of the internet and how it has opened so many ways to communicate with one another. I remember when we were in the Netherlands (77-79) and how expensive it was to call home. Over $3 a minute! So it was letter writing…I wrote quite often to friends and family and would get a letter from someone every couple of weeks.

In 2003-5 when Jamie was in Iraq we were able to Instant Message (IM) with him…how cool was that. I remember one day I was on the laptop, Ron was on the desktop (we were in the same office), our cousins, Mike & Betsy, were in Sedro Woolley on their respective computers in the same house, and our niece, Jennifer was in Eastern WA and all six of us chatted together as if we were on the same phone call…there was a few second delay from when Jamie would write and we would get it but hey it sure beat weeks waiting on a letter!!! And now, Jamie and his family are in WA state and we live in Florida and we are able to Facetime with Jamie, his sweetie and our granddaughter, seeing them and talking together…and I would have to say Facetime is one of the things that makes the fact that we travel and are not close to family and friends…thankful for Facetime!!!

The question of what am I most scared of seeing in the world…my opinion…I think the United States is turning further and further away from God and closer and closer to a communist type society…I see so many things being “controlled” by the powers that be that I worry our ability to choose what we want to do in our lives or how we want to live is being taken away from us. I believe the US Congress and Senate have too much power to control others but don’t have to follow the rules/laws they put into place…it should be what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I also wish people would treat each other with respect…do unto others how you want to be treated.

Life is too short for all the negativity that is being expressed. How about learning to extend grace and mercy to one another instead of being so critical.

As they say (whoever they are) better late than never. So Day 3 of the Writing Challenge is

Today, we’ll be mixing it up by searching our personal store of memories for the whimsical and the strange. In all your life, what is the strangest thing you have ever witnessed? Use the questions below to craft a scene that helps your reader visualize what happened and how it affected you: was anyone else around to witness it too? what was your immediate reaction? in retrospect, is there anything you learned from this experience?

As I think about my life I wouldn’t call the things I remember as strange but more a confirmation of how the Lord has worked in our lives time and time again.

I remember when our baby boy, Royce was dying. We had gotten the call from the hospital that there wasn’t anything more they could do for him. We were told he probably wouldn’t live for another 25 minutes. This was hard because we lived 45 minutes from the hospital but we headed to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital, Ron and I rushed in to the NICU unit and my mom parked the car. We arrived at change of shift and was told we couldn’t come in, we explained the doctor had called us and they said to come right in. We gowned up and went in and stood by our sweet little boy, talking to him and praying. He was still with us! My mom was able to get parked, walk into the hospital and gown up and stand with us. My mom asked me to tell Ron to ask the Chaplain (we were all standing around him) and the Chaplain said “Lord God Almighty…” and our little Royce breathed his last breath!!! We were with him…more than an hour had passed since the phone call…was it strange? Nope I like to think of it as the Lord knew that we only had a few hours with our precious baby but those last few minutes were the best!! And we are forever grateful for them. Even 44 years later!!!

Another “strange” event was when we were stationed in the Netherlands and we got word that Ron’s dad’s cancer had returned. The events that needed to happen were for Ron to get assistance through the Red Cross, drive from outside of Amsterdam to Frankfurt, fly for three days from Frankfurt to London to McGuire AFB, drove to Philadelphia flew to Kansas City, MO then on to Seattle where we then had to drive 3 hours to Blaine. Now add in, no sleep for the adults, a baby who had a seizure on a plane (parents didn’t even know what was going on), a pediatrician who never said a word on the plane but afterwards gave us a piece of paper with what he observed (he told us we did everything we needed to do except maybe give Jamie some orange juice). After being picked up in Seattle we made our way to Madigan Army Hospital. The Pediatric doctor treating Jamie asked if the doctor had a beard…Ron said no but he had heard the man tell someone else he had just shaved it off. The doctor on the airplane was one of the doctor’s that the ER doctor trained under. How cool is that? After four hours we were released…Jamie had pneumonia, had had a febrile seizure and they were going to admit him. We pleaded our case and the doctor released him with the understanding that if Jamie had another seizure we would get him to the hospital ASAP. We then made our way to Blaine, which was now a four hour drive.

That Seattle trip had God working overtime. I was able to find a job to pay for my ticket back to the Netherlands, not usual for a company to hire you when they know it’s only for three weeks. Due to the seriousness of Pete’s (Ron’s dad) health Ron put in for a humanitarian reassignment upon our return to the Netherlands. Initially we were told (on December 2) that it would be six months to a year before we will get a reply and more than likely it will be denied. God did not disappoint!!! On December 19th Ron got word to go to CBPO ~ it was important. We happened to be in the little base exchange. Ron headed over to see Paul and I finished checking out…we were buying Christmas gifts!! It took me about 15 minutes to make it over there, when I walked in Paul said “I don’t know how you did it but y’all are going home. All I ask is that you wait till after January 1st.” Not a problem, we wanted to celebrate Christmas with our friends and AF family. January 13, 1979 we moved to Tacoma, McChord AFB…we were able to stateside and within traveling distance of Ron’s parents for just over a year before Pete passed away. Only by God could this have all happened.

These events happened over 40 years ago yet today the lessons learned is still just as important as ever…no matter what or how we think things are going or not going…and that God is always in control and He also always has a plan for us. We may not understand the plan but it is all in His plan and His plans for us are for our good.

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How do you handle change?
Do you think life is just a strange thing piled on top of another strange thing?
Or do you think there is an order, a plan to how your life has gone and continues to go?

Write a scene that paints a picture for your reader about a memorable trip in your life. Use the following questions to create a sense of forward movement in this scene: were you traveling solo or with others? where did you go and how did it feel? what was your greatest learning experience from your trip?

As I thought about these questions the first trip that came to mind was when I was in the 5th grade and my mom and one of her friends, (I think her name was Patti) and me and my little sister went to Disneyland together. It looked just like the one pictured below. I remember we had pillows and blankets, a styrofoam ice chest full of Diet Rite Cola and some snacks, probably black licorice and pretzels…two of my mom’s favorite snacks.

We got up really early and left Rancho Cordova and headed to Los Angeles. We drove a long time before stopping for the night at a Motel 6…we thought we were living the high life!!! We got to eat in the car…Mom rarely let us eat or drink anything in the car. We played the Alphabet game, the license plate game and made up songs…maybe that’s why I love it when Ron makes up songs when we go for a drive! We drove the 2nd day and arrived at the motel near Disneyland. I remember it had a pool and we went swimming once we were all checked in.

Dinner was one Ron and I have done many times over the years with our own boys during our travels: sliced cheese, fresh fruit, crackers, sliced meat…Mom always got

that was such a special treat. Later in my adult life I found out that Olive Loaf is also my Aunt Joan’s favorite special treat lunch meat…we always try to take a pack or two when we visit her. And peanuts in the shell…the only time we were allowed to eat them in bed was on that trip…she said she didn’t care because she didn’t have to clean up the mess.

The next day we were off to Disneyland. I remember going on the ride “It’s a Small World” and my mom singing along and how Joanie and I were embarrassed that she would sing and sing loud!!! But what I would give to have that fun date with my mom and my sister once again. Another ride I remember is the Tea Cups and how my mom complained her stomach got upset because we kept going in circles in the cup plus the spinning…maybe that’s why one of my favorite carnival rides is the

Ron doesn’t go for those types of rides…he says they make him sick…I remember spending two days at Disneyland. Eating cotton candy, drinking lots of soda pop and it wasn’t flat!!! That’s a little joke we had with my mom because she would always give us her half cans of soda pop after she had let them sit overnight and gone flat…to this day I can’t stand to drink flat pop…it has to have that sizzle and lots of bubbles!!!

I’m always amazed how the Lord works in my life…bringing lots of little things that don’t seem to be related into one big picture and again in writing this blog, thinking about that trip (one of 19 in my first 17 years of life!) and what did I learn from that trip…to live in the moment!! To be intentional in what I’m doing and to know it is the present, the right now that is most important. A lesson I’ve been focusing on a lot this past week as I have felt lost and disconnected in so many ways. And realizing that the things that are important to me I need to focus on each and every day…being diligent and intentional.

So I continue on this journey, carving out time to do what I have to do but also what I need to do…daily spend time in the Word, drinking more water, talking to my Jesus, finding time to write…hey this is day 3 in a row!!!

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What do you need to do for you each day?
Are they things you just do or do you need to set reminders?
Are your have to’s the same as your need to’s?

It’s been a weird few weeks for me…I feel like I have struggled more in the last two months than I have in a very long time. I have struggled with my foot…and it appears that struggle will continue for awhile. My most recent appointment with the doctor…he is in a wait and see mode, finish PT and then go from there. The PT says, if the doctor is thinking of doing a MRI why not just do the dang thing…but we wait, he says go to my last two PT appointments (one down today). Next appointment with the PT is next Monday then I see the doctor the following Wednesday.

Work has been hard, dealing with 12 kids who are stuck in a house for almost three weeks straight is hard, trying to come up with meals three times a day for a group of boys who only want chicken nuggets and tater tots is hard, trying to keep 12 boys entertained when all they want to do is go outside is hard. Yep work has been hard.

And realizing somewhere in the middle of things I lost me…I was tired all the time, close to tears all the time, my foot hurt all the time, did I say I was tired? So this past week while off Ron and I have been doing some intentional self~care…we found a wonderful church. One thing I am enjoying is the daily post one of pastor’s is putting on Facebook. And once again God is meeting me right where I am. If you want to check it out, go here.

And I’ve been trying to get back to writing. So here I am trying to another Writer’s Challenge. Here goes!

Challenge Day 1…

Life is Better with Friends…
Let’s go way back and think about our very first relationships in life—our childhood best friends. Who were you closest with as a child? Were they schoolmates, neighborhood friends, or cousins? Today, we’ll spend our writing time answering the following questions: How did you meet your closest childhood buddies? What did you all do to spend your time? Did you ever get into any trouble?

I met my closest and longest childhood buddy in high school. Corrine and I bowled together, went to school together, hung out together and shared our deepest secrets with each other. I don’t remember exactly how we met but I do know we were the best of buds my junior and senior year in high school.

I remember sitting under trees just talking. Being together talking or on the phone talking. I remember spending time at Corrine’s home. I would say Corrine is the first bestie I ever had. And then I moved away right after I graduated from high school. We wrote each other but life took over…I met Ron and as they say the rest is history…we will celebrate 46 years of marriage this coming December! But in all that I lost contact with Corrine.

I never forgot Corrine. I would wonder what she was doing? Where was she living? Had she gotten married? Did she have children? And then Facebook came to be…and I found her brother and then he connected me to her!!! And then in 2013 we were able to connect in person…oh what a wonderful feeling!!! We met in Colorado Springs…we were traveling and she was living there.

We are the best of friends. We chat, not every day but we know that each of us is always available if the other one needs us. We have laughed together, cried together, reminisced over the crazy high school days. We encourage each other and we challenge each other. We are blessed to have each other in our lives!!!

And then I think about friendship. And the one thing that I realize is that friendships take work, just like marriage. I have many acquaintances and lots of people who call me friend but when I sit and think about my friends and who I call my friends and I realize that are level of friendships. I have my Besties and a handful of friends who I feel comfortable confiding in ~ the one’s I know I can just be me.

Friendship is so important in my life. I am so thankful for the many friendships I have had over the years. I know that each of my friends have helped me to become the person I am today. And I look forward to continue to build on my current friendship relationships and look forward to making more friends as I continue my journey called life!

I continue to focus on me…finding me…went swimming for an hour…it felt good to be in the water. One good thing I could bounce on my right foot and the water felt so good on my left foot. My foot still hurts, the skin on the top looks like a sunburn and like it is peeling. Showed it to Danalyn on Saturday – she says it’s not getting good blood flow…so will be bringing that up with the doctor on Monday.

Spent some much needed time with our grandsons! Got lots of Grammy hugs,, even got invited to spend the night…had to explain that Grammy has to plan overnight visits…so you can bet that gets on the calendar soon!!!!

This morning we were up at 8:00 and made it to church. We attended New River Church in Wesley Chapel. We were greeted before walking in the door and again as we walked in the door. Once we were seated, we were welcomed by Pastor Brian who made us feel very welcome. If you want to check out the sermon we heard you can go here; the next service sermon is here. Ron and I really enjoyed the first service. We felt welcomed and most importantly, felt the presence of the Lord.

The parts of the service that resonated with me was when Pastor Jonathan said we often WANT to say something but end up saying what we SHOULD. And it’s okay to wrestle with our thoughts, to share openly and honestly with the Lord how we are feeling, our questions of why? that we need to be RAW with Jesus just as we are raw dealing with our emotions, thoughts and actions, to ask myself what “good” comes from different situations we find ourselves in and most of all remembering that

Two of the scriptures that were referenced today also spoke volumes to me

and

I jotted down the following:

1. It’s okay to wrestle with my thoughts
2. It’s okay to be RAW honest with God, he wants us to be just that
3. It’s okay to cry out to God, even over and over
4. God isn’t like a crockpot where we just set it and forget it…God is ALWAYS present
5. God wants us to build a relationship with him, he wants to be our BFF!!!
6. God does have a plan…we may not understand it and may even question it…but God ALWAYS has a plan!

The question I found myself hearing as we left was “what good has come from this past week?” It’s been a rough week…difficulty with the boys, tempers flaring, feeling out of control (Ali), frustration over the issues with my foot, picky, picky eaters, suggested expectations that after the fact were ridiculous, and the list goes on…

The good….

1. Spending time daily with the Lord, reconnecting where I needed to
2. Getting some much needed rest
3. Making positive food choices
4. Getting exercise…love the pool, thankful we changed campgrounds, need to swim more often
5. Going to church together ~ meeting new people, enjoyed the worship music, God spoke through the sermon
6. Reconnecting with friends even though it was long distance
7. Spending time with our grandsons and B & D
8. Chatting via Facetime with J & S and the granddaughter
9. Feeling encouraged about the work we do with the boys in our care
10. Having a plan/questions for the doctor on Monday

So I continue, one foot in front of the other, currently hobbling more than I would like but it is what it is. Tomorrow is a new day and we will see what the doctor has to say, run some errands and probably go for an afternoon swim (if the rain holds off).

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So what about you? What good has happened this week in your life?

Do you have any special plans or activities this week?