Just Thinking Out Loud

I borrowed the title from a friend’s post on Facebook…raw and where I am ….

I am not in a good head space…every little thing is getting on my nerves. I am tired, I am tired of being tired and I’m tired of not feeling good. It’s not sick like puking or a cold. I just plain don’t feel good.

This morning I started two different emails to two different friends and ended up trashing them because I was using language (f’ing) a lot and that’s not me…but it is a signal to me that my frame of mind is not good. So I deleted both emails.

I then saw a friend’s post that said she was taking a few days off to make an attitude adjustment…YEP that’s what I need…

Attitude Adjustment – Red Bank Baptist Women's Ministry

So I called to make an appointment with Ron’s doctor…I have issues with the physician I have been seeing here in Yoakum and the one Ron has been seeing in Victoria seems like a good fit for him so it might work for me. But alas, the office is closed for lunch. I will try later this afternoon.

I also made myself something to eat. Probably not the healthiest…leftover top ramen with eggs…but it is warm going down and feels good in my tummy.

Sunday I went to church and Sunday School, first time in a long time. We don’t usually go on our weekends off because it’s hard to not interact with the kidlets…they don’t always understand “being off.” Living in a small community is nice at times but not always.

One of the questions raised in Sunday School was “What is the calling on your life?” We are to serve God, share Christ’s love with others and personally I think one of my calling’s or gift is encouragement…to be an encourager to others. But it got me to thinking…who is my encourager? So often lately I feel so alone. Not physically alone but emotionally alone. Well maybe physically too…I email with my bestie quite often yet I yearn to have time with her, to sit at Wood’s and share a cup of coffee. It seems like it has been forever since we have seen each other, shared a hug and laughed and cried together. I miss her very much.

And when I’m missing her and other friends I begin to yearn for a relationship with my sister, my blood sister…we haven’t spoken in almost 12 years and so often I wish she would just tell me what I have done to hurt her that she hates me so much. I know she is jealous of the things I have. Which isn’t even things. It’s people in my life: my husband, our son’s, their wives, our five grandchildren. A good relationship with my pastor from home, friends we have made along the way in our travels. I miss my sister, I wish she would act like an adult and discuss with me what happened or what is happening…as the saying goes “it takes two to tango” and it takes two to make a relationship.

Back to the Sunday school lesson…one of the questions that came up in my mind was “why do we have to label people.” Someone made the comment about Democrats and Republicans…what the heck happened to just being people?

The worship service was nice…it was nice to sing together as a group again. The sermon was titled “Go Make Disciples.” So the first question is what does it mean to make a disciple and to be a disciple? A disciple is “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another: such as. a Christianity : one of the twelve in the inner circle of Christ’s followers according to the Gospel accounts. b : a convinced adherent of a school or individual a disciple of Freud.”

So I am a disciple of Christ. I believe in Christ, accept Him as my personal savior and I try to follow the covenants of His Word, the Bible. Further, I would like to think I am a disciple of following and promoting good morals and values. I have tried to teach our boys to know right and wrong along with our grandchildren and the children we are caring for and have cared for over the years.

But I digress from the sermon: if I want to be a disciple of Christ I have to learn and know everything I can about Him. And to do that I must spend time with Him, reading his word, talking to him and learning from him.

TIME that is the key to everything…I need to use my time to guide and teach our kidlets, spend time with those I want relationships with, spend time nurturing my own heart and soul which then allows me to love and nurture those in my life.

Time seems like such a little thing yet in many ways is a big thing…time is precious, time is here and now. We all have the same 24 hours each day, 1440 minutes to do with each and every day. The question for me now is “how am I going to spend those minutes…lately it seems my awake minutes have been used for lots of stinkin’ thinkin’ ~ what a waste of time.

And then Romans 7 comes to mind: 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me

And in thinking about sin in this context I see the answer loud and clear…

I
Me


I am focused on me…I need to readjust my focus on those around me, those I want to spend time with. I think of

JOY! by Bunky Business | Teachers Pay Teachers


and by changing my focus my attitude will change, change for the better.

In closing I want to say thank you to Roy for your post titled “Just Speaking Out Loud” as it was the encouragement I needed to spend some time writing, praying and thinking.


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So my question to you is
How do you change your attitude when you are in a funk?

Each Day is a New Beginning

Once again it has been awhile since I have visited my blog. I have all the normal excuses: busy with kidlets, hibernating on days off, too tired, too busy and I go to bed each night saying tomorrow will be different and yet it is not. Life is what it is: some days are busy, some days I waste a bucket load of time on Facebook or playing games on my phone and other times I crochet, crochet and crochet some more and all while being a wife, mom and grammy and then losing sight of me…a woman who hungers for so much.

This morning I listened to a podcast on Facebook by Pastor Mike, https://www.facebook.com/preacher325/ and one of the things that struck me was “we need to do the things we ought to do not necessarily what we want.” I hear from our kidlets often “because I wanted too” and we tell that that’s not an okay thing all the time and then this morning I realized I do that very thing with the Lord…I choose not to spend time with Him because I’m busy or I want to crochet or I want to play a game on my phone. And then I questioned why is it okay for me to say “because I want to” but not okay for the kidlets. OUCH…

Am I saying to them “Practice what I preach and not what I do?” And why is it okay for me but not for them…what kind of example is that?

The scripture from this mornings podcast was found in Luke 9:23-27…
23-27 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I’m leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn’t, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God.” The Message

As I read it and then reread it I realize the issue comes down to control. CONTROL…one of the biggest issues I have had in my life. Feeling like I have no control or I’m out of control of whatever situation I am dealing with. The reality is I have a lot of control over what I do, over what I say, what my expectations are. But I need to release that control and

do what I ought to do, not just what I want to do!

So this morning I extend grace to myself for once again doing the things I don’t want to do and allow myself to begin a new. A new day…spending time in the Word, feeling God’s love surround me and trusting him in the decisions I need to be making.

I also think back to earlier this year when I did the 5 habits to start my day

  • Start each morning with 2 minutes with God
  • Drink 8 oz of water first thing
  • Get moving ~ for me this is being consistent on walking Joey each morning
  • Eat a healthy breakfast
  • Breathe deep for 2 minutes

and realize somewhere along the line I lost these morning habits and so once again I am stepping up to do these each morning. I know I felt emotionally, spiritually and physically better while I was doing them and it’s time to get back to taking care of me…taking care of me is my responsibility and no one else can do it for me. And since I like to be in control I might as well choose to be in control of what I do each morning and to be intentional in taking care of myself.

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So this leads to my question of the day ~
Do you start a new habit and then have to start it again?

D is for Distractions!

D is for Distractions!!

distractions

One of the things I struggle with is getting Distracted.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to distract me.

Like earlier today when I was working on a project at work.

 I needed to find a picture on the computer and the next thing I knew I was scrolling through the pictures of my grandchildren.

I can look at their pictures for hours especially when I haven’t seen them in a while.   The next thing I knew 30 minutes had passed 😦 .

Getting distracted doesn’t just happen at work.

When I am at home I can start one thing like putting the laundry away and the next thing I know I am cleaning out the closet.

The one area I get distracted in and is the one that frustrates me the most is in my quiet time.

 I like to read my Bible, do daily devotions, study God’s word and spend time in prayer.  Now I find that if it is not totally quiet  without music or soft lighting I am unable to concentrate, remember what I have been reading or even give my total being to the Lord in praise and prayer.

So I decided that I needed to do something to keep my distractions at a minimum.

I found this poster and was excited to see so many solutions that really work for me.

Help with Distraction

1.  Keeping a To Do List and Prioritizing It

2.  Turn off the computer in the evening to allow quality time with my hubby, friends, and activities.

3.  Setting the alarm and scheduling an hour of quiet time where the TV is off, Ron is still sleeping ~ setting the stage for what I need.

4. Finishing one project at a time.  I have so many unfinished projects from crafts to writing to household obligations to redecorating parts of the motor home that I  have made a list of  all of them, choosing one, doing it and then choosing the next one to do.

5.  Meal planning – this helps in a couple of ways.  We eat healthier and we don’t go out to eat which saves us money 🙂

Do you get distracted?  How do you stop distractions from taking you away from the things you need to do?