Reminder…

Logos.com

The above verse was the scripture art for today. As I read it I have hope, hope even in the midst of struggling times. Yesterday was a hard day for me, the day before was a hard day for me but today I feel energized and awake.

The alarm went off with a bang this morning and as I woke from a dream I thought “glad that was a dream…what a mess.” Not sure of all of it…I was in the car with a friend of a friend after having an argument with my friend because I volunteered her to do a ceramic piece without speaking to her…she was really pissed even after I apologized a lot…we were packing up our little house to move and I was feeling stressed because the deadline was looming and Ron was taking his own sweet time doing things.  Then in the car I had to go to the bathroom..finally found a port-a-potty…more like a port-a-six-potty…it even had college girls cleaning it…went into three different stalls before finding one with toilet paper.  I had college girls walking into the stall helping me clean up.  I kept apologizing for the mess though looking around all the mess was on paper not on the toilet or even me…I kept saying I was sorry to my friend even though I don’t even know where she was, told our mutual friend that my friend was being pretty harsh just because I said she would make this other gal something…there was no rush and she could do it when she wanted…I woke up thinking…boy what a dream…when the alarm scared the you know what out of me LOL…as I walked to the bathroom I kept telling myself I was glad it was a dream…not sure what all this moving is going on in my dreams, poop everywhere but nowhere.  But very relieved it was a dream.

Dreams are weird at times…and then I wonder what does it all mean? I think dreams happen because our days are so full of stuff that our dreams are trying to work out things that are going on in our minds…what do you think?

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and thinking about when Ron and I got married, almost 45 years ago and wondered what happened to the pastor who married us. I found the Facebook page for the little church we were married in in Las Vegas and reached out to see if anyone remembered or knew Gary. Found out Gary died in 1978 after being sick for a quite a while. We left Las Vegas in October 1977 when the Air Force transferred us to the Netherlands, Camp New Amsterdam, Soesterberg, The Netherlands. Life was crazy for me/us…new babies, one baby dying, moving across the world at age 19, new beginnings and scary times. And thinking now, I was so wrapped up in me/us I forgot about our friends in Las Vegas. Oh I have thought about the friends we had there over the years and wonder where and how some of them are doing. But yet they are just a memory in my mind. And I am reminded that this world is not about me but about others…and then I think about our sermon from Sunday about being a disciple and the note I wrote out at the top of the page “Stop being selfish and focus on those who the Lord brings into my life.”

I am reminded to reach out to those I love and care about, let them know that I love and care for them…not just think about them but let them know. Whether they are close by or 2,000 miles from me…I need to reach out to others.

And then another memory popped up…Jamie was in Iraq and I was so fearful that he was going to be killed over there…I was so often paralyzed in fear I could hardly get out of bed. One day Pastor Charles called to see how I was doing and I told him I was still in bed (around 11am) and he told me he had a project for me. I was to get up, get dressed, call our friend Jack and tell him I was coming to his house to clean it for him. Jack’s wife, Dee had passed away about 4 months before BUT I couldn’t tell Jack why I was coming to clean his house (because Charles told me too!) I was just to go and do it. I remember calling Jack and at first he was hesitant but I insisted. I remember pulling up in the driveway and thinking…what the heck am I doing? Why would Charles think I needed to clean Jack’s house? But I did what I was told because that’s what good girls do…that’s another story for another day…back to cleaning Jack’s house.

I spent about 4 hours there. The dog followed me from room to room. I dusted and swept, mopped and wiped down counter tops, cleaned out the fridge and changed the sheets on the beds and even put fresh flowers on the center of the dining room table. I left before Jack got home. A couple of weeks later he told me that he smiled when he came in and saw the flowers…they reminded him of his sweet wife Dee and thanked me for the pleasant memory. I remember when I drove away how I felt good, not for cleaning the house but for doing something for someone else just because. Reaching out to someone else…and that’s the reminder to me today…get out of my skin and reach out to others in my life.

We have had a rough week with the kidlets and I hate going off with a negative air in the home so this morning I’m going to reach out to the kidlets…let’s have watermelon for breakfast!!! Let’s start the day fresh!!!

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How are you going to reach out to someone today?


Just Thinking Out Loud

I borrowed the title from a friend’s post on Facebook…raw and where I am ….

I am not in a good head space…every little thing is getting on my nerves. I am tired, I am tired of being tired and I’m tired of not feeling good. It’s not sick like puking or a cold. I just plain don’t feel good.

This morning I started two different emails to two different friends and ended up trashing them because I was using language (f’ing) a lot and that’s not me…but it is a signal to me that my frame of mind is not good. So I deleted both emails.

I then saw a friend’s post that said she was taking a few days off to make an attitude adjustment…YEP that’s what I need…

Attitude Adjustment – Red Bank Baptist Women's Ministry

So I called to make an appointment with Ron’s doctor…I have issues with the physician I have been seeing here in Yoakum and the one Ron has been seeing in Victoria seems like a good fit for him so it might work for me. But alas, the office is closed for lunch. I will try later this afternoon.

I also made myself something to eat. Probably not the healthiest…leftover top ramen with eggs…but it is warm going down and feels good in my tummy.

Sunday I went to church and Sunday School, first time in a long time. We don’t usually go on our weekends off because it’s hard to not interact with the kidlets…they don’t always understand “being off.” Living in a small community is nice at times but not always.

One of the questions raised in Sunday School was “What is the calling on your life?” We are to serve God, share Christ’s love with others and personally I think one of my calling’s or gift is encouragement…to be an encourager to others. But it got me to thinking…who is my encourager? So often lately I feel so alone. Not physically alone but emotionally alone. Well maybe physically too…I email with my bestie quite often yet I yearn to have time with her, to sit at Wood’s and share a cup of coffee. It seems like it has been forever since we have seen each other, shared a hug and laughed and cried together. I miss her very much.

And when I’m missing her and other friends I begin to yearn for a relationship with my sister, my blood sister…we haven’t spoken in almost 12 years and so often I wish she would just tell me what I have done to hurt her that she hates me so much. I know she is jealous of the things I have. Which isn’t even things. It’s people in my life: my husband, our son’s, their wives, our five grandchildren. A good relationship with my pastor from home, friends we have made along the way in our travels. I miss my sister, I wish she would act like an adult and discuss with me what happened or what is happening…as the saying goes “it takes two to tango” and it takes two to make a relationship.

Back to the Sunday school lesson…one of the questions that came up in my mind was “why do we have to label people.” Someone made the comment about Democrats and Republicans…what the heck happened to just being people?

The worship service was nice…it was nice to sing together as a group again. The sermon was titled “Go Make Disciples.” So the first question is what does it mean to make a disciple and to be a disciple? A disciple is “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another: such as. a Christianity : one of the twelve in the inner circle of Christ’s followers according to the Gospel accounts. b : a convinced adherent of a school or individual a disciple of Freud.”

So I am a disciple of Christ. I believe in Christ, accept Him as my personal savior and I try to follow the covenants of His Word, the Bible. Further, I would like to think I am a disciple of following and promoting good morals and values. I have tried to teach our boys to know right and wrong along with our grandchildren and the children we are caring for and have cared for over the years.

But I digress from the sermon: if I want to be a disciple of Christ I have to learn and know everything I can about Him. And to do that I must spend time with Him, reading his word, talking to him and learning from him.

TIME that is the key to everything…I need to use my time to guide and teach our kidlets, spend time with those I want relationships with, spend time nurturing my own heart and soul which then allows me to love and nurture those in my life.

Time seems like such a little thing yet in many ways is a big thing…time is precious, time is here and now. We all have the same 24 hours each day, 1440 minutes to do with each and every day. The question for me now is “how am I going to spend those minutes…lately it seems my awake minutes have been used for lots of stinkin’ thinkin’ ~ what a waste of time.

And then Romans 7 comes to mind: 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me

And in thinking about sin in this context I see the answer loud and clear…

I
Me


I am focused on me…I need to readjust my focus on those around me, those I want to spend time with. I think of

JOY! by Bunky Business | Teachers Pay Teachers


and by changing my focus my attitude will change, change for the better.

In closing I want to say thank you to Roy for your post titled “Just Speaking Out Loud” as it was the encouragement I needed to spend some time writing, praying and thinking.


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So my question to you is
How do you change your attitude when you are in a funk?

Each Day is a New Beginning

Once again it has been awhile since I have visited my blog. I have all the normal excuses: busy with kidlets, hibernating on days off, too tired, too busy and I go to bed each night saying tomorrow will be different and yet it is not. Life is what it is: some days are busy, some days I waste a bucket load of time on Facebook or playing games on my phone and other times I crochet, crochet and crochet some more and all while being a wife, mom and grammy and then losing sight of me…a woman who hungers for so much.

This morning I listened to a podcast on Facebook by Pastor Mike, https://www.facebook.com/preacher325/ and one of the things that struck me was “we need to do the things we ought to do not necessarily what we want.” I hear from our kidlets often “because I wanted too” and we tell that that’s not an okay thing all the time and then this morning I realized I do that very thing with the Lord…I choose not to spend time with Him because I’m busy or I want to crochet or I want to play a game on my phone. And then I questioned why is it okay for me to say “because I want to” but not okay for the kidlets. OUCH…

Am I saying to them “Practice what I preach and not what I do?” And why is it okay for me but not for them…what kind of example is that?

The scripture from this mornings podcast was found in Luke 9:23-27…
23-27 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I’m leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn’t, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God.” The Message

As I read it and then reread it I realize the issue comes down to control. CONTROL…one of the biggest issues I have had in my life. Feeling like I have no control or I’m out of control of whatever situation I am dealing with. The reality is I have a lot of control over what I do, over what I say, what my expectations are. But I need to release that control and

do what I ought to do, not just what I want to do!

So this morning I extend grace to myself for once again doing the things I don’t want to do and allow myself to begin a new. A new day…spending time in the Word, feeling God’s love surround me and trusting him in the decisions I need to be making.

I also think back to earlier this year when I did the 5 habits to start my day

  • Start each morning with 2 minutes with God
  • Drink 8 oz of water first thing
  • Get moving ~ for me this is being consistent on walking Joey each morning
  • Eat a healthy breakfast
  • Breathe deep for 2 minutes

and realize somewhere along the line I lost these morning habits and so once again I am stepping up to do these each morning. I know I felt emotionally, spiritually and physically better while I was doing them and it’s time to get back to taking care of me…taking care of me is my responsibility and no one else can do it for me. And since I like to be in control I might as well choose to be in control of what I do each morning and to be intentional in taking care of myself.

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So this leads to my question of the day ~
Do you start a new habit and then have to start it again?

Be Kind

A lot of things have been on my mind for the past 24 hours, that’s probably why I woke up about every 45 to 60 minutes in the night 😦

I am tired of negativity and bashing for having differing opinions/thoughts/feelings as other along with arguing and name calling. I just want calm and peace…

I saw a friend copied and pasted the following and it spoke volumes to me:

As governors are trying to figure out how to ease back in to a new normal, please remember:

🛑 Some people don’t agree with the state opening…. that’s okay. Be kind.

🏡 Some people are still planning to stay home…. that’s okay. Be kind.

🦠 Some are still scared of getting the virus and a second wave happening….that’s okay. Be kind.

💰 Some are sighing with relief to go back to work knowing they may not lose their business or their homes….that’s okay. Be kind.

👩🏾‍⚕️Some are thankful they can finally have a surgery they have put off….that’s okay. Be kind.

📝 Some will be able to attend interviews after weeks without a job….that’s okay. Be kind.

😷 Some will wear masks for weeks….that’s okay. Be kind.

💅🏻 💇🏼‍♀️ Some people will rush out to get the hair or nails done…. that’s okay. Be kind.

❤️ The point is, everyone has different viewpoints/feelings and that’s okay. Be kind.

We each have a different story. If you need to stay home, stay home. But be kind .

If you need to go out, just respect others when in public and be kind! Don’t judge fellow humans because you’re not in their story. We all are in different mental states than we were months ago. So remember, BE KIND.

And then the tears started falling for all the negativity I have been involved in…yes…I am also part of the problem. Not so much name calling as that brings up painful memories from my child hood ~ NO one should be called a name that is hurtful. And I’m truly sorry for any pain I have caused others all for wanting to be right, to be in control (who’s really in control?), to feel safe and cared about.

The bottom line is that right now, for this season, for such a time as this…this is our new normal…limited trips to the grocery store, no just hopping in the car to go to DQ to get an ice cream just because I want one or heading to Victoria to walk aimlessly through Hobby Lobby just for something to do and I am reminded to focus on what is important! Relationships, my children who aren’t children any more, my grandchildren some who are facing some tough times, our kidlets who are struggling and friends who are lonely, who are missing loved ones.
I think about all the places I have been, all the people I have met, all the different experiences I have had in my life and the thought comes to mind

For such a time. — Abiding Faith Lutheran Church

And again I got distracted ~ this time by the thunderstorm going through our area right now and little ones scurrying to be held and just like that I am reminded by a dose of reality…all that really matters is relationships and the here and now. Yesterday is gone, never to be done again and tomorrow may never happen so for today, for this season of life, for such a time as this…I’m going to smile and be thankful for all the blessings in my life…and there are many!!!

Have a great day! Find something that makes you smile and remember

God is Enough – Peace in the Waiting

Thoughts to a Friend’s Post on Facebook

My friend, Pamela Richards-Woodall, wrote the following on her Facebook page earlier today:


If I have offended you in any way I apologize!
Please examine your words before they pop outta your mouth!
Power of life and death are in the tongue!
If you personally don’t know why someone has issues with this or that, ask them privately! Don’t assume and expect to enforce your beliefs!
Just because you feel and behave a certain way doesn’t mean everyone else can or should. If it were up to me every man or woman who abuses another would suffer severely!! I’m sure you feel something that powerful too. We’re all trying in our own way to get through this crap!!
When we begin to push our own expectations on others we’re stepping on a fine line! I don’t wear a mask. Instead of pouncing on me try asking me why I don’t! Or apply that to a thousand different people for a thousand different reasons!
We are not made from the same mold!
This stupid virus has caused a spirit of fear and panic and ugliness to be unleashed like I’ve never seen in my life! I know fear! I grew up with it.
Terrified while being held down with someone holding their hand over my mouth so I couldn’t scream out in horrific pain as a 3 year old…a 5 year old…a 10 year old…all the while someone was raping me!!! And at times several times a day!
I also was forced to attend gatherings where folks wore masks and did horrible things!
We as a society need to rip off the stigma of #mental health as it’s truly pathetic of how we act towards anyone who exhibits mental issues. But oh lordy…if that person has cancer or a broken bone or a heart attack then its all different.
No it’s not!! Anytime we are dealing with an issue whether physical or mental we all hurt!!! We are not the virus police! And we need to stop it! If Jesus lives in you then share His love and compassion!
He does have plenty to go around.
While at the store earlier I saw many with fear etched in their face.
I desperately wanted to hug them and pray! No one smiling! Folks glaring! Hurt my heart deeply! So I have a meltdown in the car at the store!
Yes my husband can and would shop or do anything I need.
But why should I or any number of 1000’s who deal with any form of mental issues be treated any differently?!? I fully expect to see the numbers of folks who fight these issues skyrocket very soon. Sadly I am not hearing anyone talking about the importance of giving them support!
Believe me…I’d so much rather not have these issues but I do. Its embarrassing and I have to stay alert to keep shame off me! I am healed and being healed! God has and continues to bless me as I grow in Him! I would not be alive if it were not for Him! Yet I know there are so many walking around ashamed of their mental health issues because of others around them! May God have mercy on us all!!*******

She also wrote “Secrets in the Hollers” https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Hollers-Story-Pamela-Richards-Woodall-ebook/dp/B07D2MCVZL/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=secrets+of+the+holler&qid=1586289478&sr=8-2

Pamela Richards-Woodall and I met through our mutual friend, Barbara Fairchild. We have shared many stories of our lives with each other. We encourage one another when the other needs it, we pray for each other when asked and sometimes on our own. We, as many others have struggled with so many RED flags the past few weeks that just wave their ugly head in our faces and our hearts…it is not a pretty sight.

Pam’s words echo mine ~ this morning I had to go to Walmart to get my weekly insulin (on a side note so thankful for our job and having insurance…my Ozempic was $24.99 without insurance it would have been $976.00 for four injections!!!)..while in Walmart I went down the aisle where the Easter candy was to get a few things for our kidlets…a man, probably in his late 40’s/early 50’s, walked by me twice in each direction and the second time I asked him if he was okay or did he need something from me…he turned and said “I don’t think candy is an essential food item.” and walked past. I just stood and stared at him and felt myself go shaky…I quickly finished getting the other things I needed (I had a list and was sticking to it). I went and paid and the cashier asked if I was okay? I had uncontrolled tears running down my face. I mumbled something to the effect “yes, I will be fine, some people are just so ignorant!”

After paying for my stuff I went to my car. I got in, locked the doors and called Ron…I’m so glad he was available to talk. I told him I had an anxiety attack while in Walmart. I couldn’t remember the last time I had had one. I didn’t go into a lot of detail as I was trying to compose myself as I still had to stop at the grocery store. Ron listened, told me he loved me and we hung up.

I drove myself to HEB, took a deep breath and thought “okay, I can do this.” The first thing I saw was an Easter lily…not an essential item and not on my list, but I knew that Ron always buys me an Easter lily and I knew if he was with me he would tell me to pick one out…so I did.

I got the rest of the groceries on my list as well as a couple of pizza’s for dinner. If you’ve read my blog in the past few days y’all know things have been rough and I was thinking of easy things to do to make today a good day ~ WE ALL needed it. I made it through the store without shedding a tear. Well that is until I got to where I was paying for the groceries and the cashier thanked me for following the rules and not bringing all the kidlets with me ~ because BBYR is a non-profit we are tax exempt and I had said I was a home parent at BBYR she knew we had kids…I told her no problem, I try to follow the rules/directions…how else can I expect our kidlets to follow the rules and/or do what is expected of them. As the tears trickled down my cheek, she asked if I was okay. I said yes and then shared about the man at Walmart and me buying some jelly beans for the kidlets for Easter. She looked astonished that someone would say something to me…and then she said if she could, she would give me a hug…instead we put our hands up to the plexiglass and high fived each other. The bagger, a young man of about 20 just shook his head and said “I want a high five too.” So the two of them on one side of the plexiglass and me on the other high fived!! And laughed!!! And laughed some more.

That cashier doesn’t have a clue how much her little interaction meant to me. I came home, got the groceries put away, gave the kidlets their lunch. Today was hot dogs, beans and a cookie!! Thanks Tracy for picking them up!! And thanks Stephen for encouraging me to get the breakfasts/lunches that the school district is providing.

While the kids were eating lunch I got on Facebook and was scrolling through…that’s when I saw Pam’s post. I started to share it on my page but my response was getting way too long this this blog post this afternoon.

To add to some of what Pam said above about Mental Health…I remember when I was dealing with major depression, suicidal thoughts (for years!) and how some people would say “Just get a grip.” “If you were a REAL Christian your faith would take away my depression.” And once after being in the hospital for three weeks (I had come very close to committing suicide) and returned to church a supposed friend (I say supposed because I don’t believe a true friend could be so hurtful…asked me what was it like being in there with all those crazies!…I remember looking at her and thinking well I must be crazy to think suicide is the answer to my problems…

Was I crazy…absolutely not…I was a hurting, scared, human being who felt so desperate to think my husband and my children would be better off without me…was I ever wrong…if I had given into the hurtful words, thoughts and feelings I would not be the woman I am today…not only am I a wife and mom but now I also have the greatest gift of all…grandchildren as well as three fun, wonderful sometimes frustrating foster children who call me Mama Ali and Papa Ron (well they call Ron that).

Thank you Pam for giving me the platform to talk/write about my experience today and to stand with you to tell others…stop acting like people who deal with mental health issues are some kind of strange person or being. And as Pam said, if I had a broken leg or cancer people wouldn’t think twice about why I did some thing or another. I remember one time talking with Gayle, my Psyche ARNP and she asked me if I was embarrassed I had diabetes and I replied no. She then asked, why am I embarrassed I have depression. It is an illness just like diabetes. It just effects people in a different way!

Pam shared from her heart and I too have shared from my heart…now my question to you is what can you do to help stop the stigma of negativity towards those of us who deal with a mental health issue just as those who deal with cancer or a blood disease?

Focusing on What’s Important

As I wrote the other day…life has been a struggle for me and like in days and years past I let my emotions control my actions…I had a counseling session scheduled for today BUT yesterday in the middle of my angst I cancelled it ~ DUH…now more than ever I really needed that time to get refocused and calm my spirit. I did have enough sense to schedule another appointment for next Tuesday…NO I will not be cancelling it!!! Telling myself that as much as you!!!

Yesterday morning I woke up at 4:07, struggled through the day with tears, worry, anxiety but I didn’t take a nap thinking it would help me to sleep better last night…well it didn’t…I was up numerous times and this morning I woke up at 4:22!! I laid in bed for about 15 minutes and then got up…made myself a bottle of water (taking thyroid medication can’t have anything to eat or drink but water for an hour), combed my hair, put on some earrings, made my way out to the living room. Putzed around until our night staff person left shortly after 6:00a. Cleaned off my desk, put some more pages in my planner and then opened my Bible and devotionals.

I don’t know why but I am
ALWAYS
and yet you always meet me where I am…
and this morning was no different!!

I opened Pocket Prayers for Moms given to me by my bestie and this was the verse that was written….
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along with this prayer
Heavenly Father, you are the Lord of all, the almighty God and the everlasting one. Be near to me when my family faces change. When nothing feels steady, it is hard on all of us. Give me strength and courage in times of transition. Allow my family to see YOU leading the way. May the rely on you, especially when they feel uncertain. I am so grateful that even when everything around us feels unstable, YOU are there. YOU are our rock. I thank you and praise you for that. In Christ’s name. Amen

Just WOW!!

This prayer says it all…all that I’m feeling and thinking…there is just so much uncertainty in today’s world yet GOD remains steadfast and consistent…the things this mama needs to be for her family…steadfast, consistent, loving, kind and caring. I need to remember to extend the grace that I am so willing to extend to others to myself and our kidlets.

So many changes are happening, transition is the name of the game…transition from kidlets going to school to being schooled at home, from fixing one meal a day to fixing two or three and then being reminded to accept the help that is being offered…our school district, like so many will provide breakfast and lunch for all our kidlets. At first I told the principal “no, we’ve got the meals covered” and then our boss reminding me that by allowing the school district to provide breakfast and lunch five days a week it will relieve me/us of some of the pressure and thinking needed to be done.

WOW…yesterday was the first day we took advantage of the school lunches and it was wonderful…no comments from the kids that they didn’t want such and such. They ate and cleaned up after themselves. It was a good thing. And we have breakfast for today: pop tarts, apple juice and milk. Easy for everyone!!!

As I continued with my time with the Lord, I wrote…
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and then I got distracted by looking for something on Facebook
but it turned out to be just what I needed for me, for us today

As I posted on Facebook we don’t have any beer but that’s okay, I have my Coke Zero, I won’t make a coffee cake but I will make my pineapple angel food cake bars…topped with whip cream and since Tuesday is one of our “chore days” we will pass on the big chores for the day like cleaning the bathrooms (we have six in our house!!!) and vacuuming but the laundry will at least get washed and dried…maybe even folded and some school work will get done…and this mama’s goal will be to keep a soft tone…remember the

marshmallows…and I might even have some for a treat for the kidlets!

Thank you Lord for my time with you this morning, for the many reminders that have come my way today…even this one…

Let’s remember…today is in the Lord’s hand, HE is in control and though we may face some struggles we will get through this and through it all let’s remember to give

Response and Thoughts to a Friend

I was chatting with a friend today and she had tears seeping out her eyes. I asked if everything was okay….DUH, of course not, she is crying you fool!!! Later I sent her a message and asked if there was anything I could do for her…and our conversation went like this:


(My Friend) No worries. I’ma little better. I’m trying to keep perspective on the positive things. I was having a moment of being overwhelmed. Thank you for asking. Itll be alright. God is good.

(Me) I know the feeling…that was how I was last night about AZ and her school work. I’m going to stick to my schedule and what the kids get done, they get done. There is no way the teachers/principal can expect us as parents to do all the teachers are expecting and would do…that is asking for failure and issues between parents/kids which is not where we need to go. I think this is the time for us to be giving ourselves extra grace. If this really is how life is going to be for two more months or longer we need to take care of ourselves as moms/wives/women because if we don’t take care of ourselves there is no way we can take care of others.

Yes, thank you for that reminder and perspective. I need to remember GRACE on myself and to make sure I am taking care of me. Keeping as much as I can routine for me and our family.

That’s the discussion we had with AR & AZ tonight…that this is a hard time for everyone for different reasons. We have to have a schedule and to remember that we are not their teachers and their teachers are not us. Just like our Relief Home Parent does some things differently then we do things doesn’t make it right or wrong,..it just is.

And then I found myself thinking of lots of other things I wanted to say but kidlets needs called for my attention so we ended the conversation there.

We were off this past weekend…we spent a lot of time watching TV shows we had recorded. We got lots of rest and YET when we came back on duty on Monday my stress level seemed to escalate faster than the elevator at the Statue of Liberty and I couldn’t pin point what was going on.

I spent a lot of time outside yesterday watching the kidlets playing, talking with the other home parents here at the ranch…we are 9 adults with 10 kids onsite. AND I am so thankful that we are together in this social distancing/season of time that we are not alone. Our boss has been wonderful ~ keeping the main gate locked, must have code to get in, doing counseling for the kidlets via ZOOM/SKYPE, doing tele visits with doctors as needed and being available by phone, text and email. Though we are isolating ourselves we are truly not alone.

At one point yesterday I just wanted to cry. In fact, I laid my head in my hands and said “I don’t even know what to cook for dinner tonight.” Such a simple thing but seemed insurmountable. And it’s not like we don’t have any food … we have one chest freezer and one upright freezer full of meat, pecans, veggies, treats, did I say pecans, ice cream, pecans…yes lots and lots of pecans!!! We have a pantry full of canned goods, baking items and all sorts of food items…just needing and waiting to be cooked. But I still couldn’t think of what to feed these little chillins.

And I have much to be thankful for…we have our jobs, we are getting paid, we have the money to pay our bills, we have health insurance which makes my diabetes medication affordable, we are in reasonably good health and even though we are not near Jamie or Brandon or their families we are able to chat with them via text, phone, FaceTime and Facebook. And we know they are safe, our grandchildren are safe and their needs are being met.

We have much to be thankful for…some sweet dear friends gifted me a laptop…and with the help of our son, Brandon and friend Lee, I have gotten everything off of the laptop that was not a very good dance partner (the one that crashed) and put on this new to me laptop…in fact I am typing on it now!! I was so excited when I was able to get the pictures from the old laptop to the new one…One reason was because while we were gate guarding Ron took on the project of scanning the two totes (each 32 gallon sized) of pictures that represent our 44 years of married life, our parents and grandparents and the thought that they might not be saved was definitely a cause for some of my anxiety. But I have them all!!! And yes we will be making a back up of them!!!

One of my favorite pictures from a long time ago

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is this one of me in the first grade. My mom was so mad at me when she saw this picture because she had styled my hair and the cute little bow on the side of my head…I moved it 🙂 she was not happy…but I have come to love and cherish this sweet little girl!!

And this picture of Max…

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with his Pop Pop before he was a part of our lives, which allows me to see how much his siblings look like him and we are so thankful he is a part of our family!!!

As I write and watch and listen to our kidlets I am reminded that we really do have much to be thankful for…and so I want to encourage each of you to find something positive about today…it doesn’t have to be a BIG thing, it can be something as simple as I am thankful that I was able to make myself a cup of coffee and I had some of my favorite creamer to put into it.

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What are you thankful for today?

Hard Lesson Learned :(

When I dropped this last night

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my heart sunk! I am blessed to be married to Ron as he didn’t yell or scream, he just said…it is life…we can deal with it.

At first I only thought, oh crap, no using my laptop while sitting on the couch…I am using the desktop provided and thankful I have access to it.

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as the day has progressed I have realized OH CRAP…all my financial records are on the lap top…that means all my tax information are on the computer!!! All my billing records for doctors, hospitals, credit cards, car and trailer, etc…are on the computer!!!!

I have been reassured by a couple of friends and our computer guru son that I will be able to get my information off the laptop…but first I need a new laptop to put the info on, I have to buy the

which our local Walmart does not carry (think small neighborhood Walmart not a Super Walmart so I will be ordering one from our trusty Amazon!! And that will all take time…

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which means I won’t be able to pay bills…heck all the information is on the computer!!!

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I will start printing up a monthly recap of our financial records so I have everything readily available for the next thing that comes my way…I am thinking like a power outage that lasts for more than a day or two, while spending time boondocking or camping on the beach…it’s called

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NOW though I have to be calm with myself and know that in the big scheme of things one week without access to my financials we will survive and I will just have to write some letters or make some phone calls once I have all the contact info again and explain why I am late…giving grace to myself and praying my creditors will do the same with me!

Life Continues…

What a week we have had…we made our trip to Midland, TX for Ron’s scheduled appointment with his oncologist and surgeon. Ron had been feeling some pulling in the area where he had had surgery and so you can imagine we had some concerns. We gladly report that Ron continues to be

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And we give God all the glory and thanks for good doctors and praying friends and family!!!

The Kidlets are on Spring Break this week. We had planned to go camping but with the Corona Virus and health situation that didn’t happen so we have changed up our plans. Thursday we started a new Chore Chart and the kids did great…they have daily chores like making their bed (we do too!) and cleaning up their bedrooms. And then there are chores that need to be done 3x a week so we chose Tuesday’s, Thursday’s and Saturday’s so we can keep Sunday for a family day. Fortunately the kidlets are still at the age where they like to help…hopefully they will keep that attitude for a long time!!!

Thursday afternoon while at the grocery store by myself I got a call that school is cancelled for the kidlets at least for the next week (we were surprised it hadn’t been cancelled yet) so we have done some extra planning for the kidlets with work packets for math, reading and writing (there are lots of free resources on the internet right now!!!) And we devised a “schedule” for next week. Fortunately the previous home parents at Meadows loved to do crafts…me not so much…but we have lots of craft projects we can do, board games to play, and dvd’s to watch.

Friday was a day of storms and lots of rain so no outside play but it is supposed to be sunny and warm next week and we have a great playground here at BBYR so we can do lots of PE!!! And with the kidlets home we will do some baking (math), organizing (more math and reading) and learning to make the best out of what life has…AND isn’t that what we all need to be doing…

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We ended our evening with some unexpected excitement at our place. We were listening to Neal McCoy https://www.facebook.com/pg/nealmccoymusic/ with his live concert and I started dancing in my chair and caught the cord of my laptop and sent it crashing to the floor…yep no more laptop ! Ron was so sweet and so nice to me…I think I expected him to yell but he didn’t … he said

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and I posted

POOP!! My foot got caught on the cord of my laptop and it hit the floor hard and shattered the screen!!!! POOP!!!

on my Facebook page!!!

I was encouraged when I got a couple of messages from friends on how to get my information from my laptop to put on a new one.

So that brings up a question…what is a good laptop. We don’t play games on it, we do use it for keeping track of our finances, online banking, writing etc. What do you think of refurbished laptops?

I guess this is all for today…our three kidlets are chatting in my ear, teenager is whining because she can’t go to Walmart with Ron and my watch is reminding me that I have been sedentary for awhile…

Oh that was the good news this week…I think I told y’all that I lost my watch somewhere here in the house…well Little Bit found it!!! It was caught between her nightstand and bed!!! Must have fallen off when I was tucking her in last week…and of course she found it after I just ordered a new one on Amazon that will be here next week…now I have to decide do I want to send the new one back or keep it as a spare…oh what to do, what to do????

So what would you do…keep the watch or send it back???