I borrowed the title from a friend’s post on Facebook…raw and where I am ….
I am not in a good head space…every little thing is getting on my nerves. I am tired, I am tired of being tired and I’m tired of not feeling good. It’s not sick like puking or a cold. I just plain don’t feel good.
This morning I started two different emails to two different friends and ended up trashing them because I was using language (f’ing) a lot and that’s not me…but it is a signal to me that my frame of mind is not good. So I deleted both emails.
I then saw a friend’s post that said she was taking a few days off to make an attitude adjustment…YEP that’s what I need…
So I called to make an appointment with Ron’s doctor…I have issues with the physician I have been seeing here in Yoakum and the one Ron has been seeing in Victoria seems like a good fit for him so it might work for me. But alas, the office is closed for lunch. I will try later this afternoon.
I also made myself something to eat. Probably not the healthiest…leftover top ramen with eggs…but it is warm going down and feels good in my tummy.
Sunday I went to church and Sunday School, first time in a long time. We don’t usually go on our weekends off because it’s hard to not interact with the kidlets…they don’t always understand “being off.” Living in a small community is nice at times but not always.
One of the questions raised in Sunday School was “What is the calling on your life?” We are to serve God, share Christ’s love with others and personally I think one of my calling’s or gift is encouragement…to be an encourager to others. But it got me to thinking…who is my encourager? So often lately I feel so alone. Not physically alone but emotionally alone. Well maybe physically too…I email with my bestie quite often yet I yearn to have time with her, to sit at Wood’s and share a cup of coffee. It seems like it has been forever since we have seen each other, shared a hug and laughed and cried together. I miss her very much.
And when I’m missing her and other friends I begin to yearn for a relationship with my sister, my blood sister…we haven’t spoken in almost 12 years and so often I wish she would just tell me what I have done to hurt her that she hates me so much. I know she is jealous of the things I have. Which isn’t even things. It’s people in my life: my husband, our son’s, their wives, our five grandchildren. A good relationship with my pastor from home, friends we have made along the way in our travels. I miss my sister, I wish she would act like an adult and discuss with me what happened or what is happening…as the saying goes “it takes two to tango” and it takes two to make a relationship.
Back to the Sunday school lesson…one of the questions that came up in my mind was “why do we have to label people.” Someone made the comment about Democrats and Republicans…what the heck happened to just being people?
The worship service was nice…it was nice to sing together as a group again. The sermon was titled “Go Make Disciples.” So the first question is what does it mean to make a disciple and to be a disciple? A disciple is “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another: such as. a Christianity : one of the twelve in the inner circle of Christ’s followers according to the Gospel accounts. b : a convinced adherent of a school or individual a disciple of Freud.”
So I am a disciple of Christ. I believe in Christ, accept Him as my personal savior and I try to follow the covenants of His Word, the Bible. Further, I would like to think I am a disciple of following and promoting good morals and values. I have tried to teach our boys to know right and wrong along with our grandchildren and the children we are caring for and have cared for over the years.
But I digress from the sermon: if I want to be a disciple of Christ I have to learn and know everything I can about Him. And to do that I must spend time with Him, reading his word, talking to him and learning from him.
TIME that is the key to everything…I need to use my time to guide and teach our kidlets, spend time with those I want relationships with, spend time nurturing my own heart and soul which then allows me to love and nurture those in my life.
Time seems like such a little thing yet in many ways is a big thing…time is precious, time is here and now. We all have the same 24 hours each day, 1440 minutes to do with each and every day. The question for me now is “how am I going to spend those minutes…lately it seems my awake minutes have been used for lots of stinkin’ thinkin’ ~ what a waste of time.
And then Romans 7 comes to mind: 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me …
And in thinking about sin in this context I see the answer loud and clear…
I am focused on me…I need to readjust my focus on those around me, those I want to spend time with. I think of
and by changing my focus my attitude will change, change for the better.
In closing I want to say thank you to Roy for your post titled “Just Speaking Out Loud” as it was the encouragement I needed to spend some time writing, praying and thinking.
So my question to you is
How do you change your attitude when you are in a funk?