Loving the Lord, Serving Him Wherever He Plants Us!

Real Life…

My mind is racing, I feel like screaming, doubting my faith, feeling like the crazy woman I have been multiple times of my life. I was up more than I was sleeping in the night, my ear hurts, I’m feeling stressed about funds, paying upcoming bills, questioning why one moment I can be feeling so good and the next ready to say f*** it???

This morning I decided to open my study book “Living a Chocolate Life” and this was the verse that came up and the words that jumped out at me

and I wrote in my book “feeling very grumpy, how I’m feeling and ready to explode!”

and then I opened a devotional email (check it out by clicking the link) and wrote this in reply: Oh how this resonates with me today…I’m feeling sucker punched, ready to scream, stressed to the max…no job, no income and bills coming due and all I want to do is scream why me???  And then I want to take the easy way out…just say f*** it and disappear….then I get mad at myself for thinking and talking this way…where is my faith??? not really expecting an answer.

Feeling frustrated as Ron applied for and got a confirmation email from Amazon last night about a new job starting on April 30th and then today it is gone, poof, like a breeze in the wind….no record of the job even though we have the confirmation email. Feeling stressed knowing we have bills coming due (auto withdrawls from the bank) and not enough money in the bank to cover them!

Sometimes I hate being a human, wanting to fix things that I have no control over, thinking I want to eat and stuff my face and my feelings way down, yelling and crying at everyone and no one and then I hear this voice say “BUT GOD!”

And then I cry, bawl and cry some more and remind myself this too shall pass.

And then I write, not that writing and sharing all these thoughts accomplishes anything but I don’t feel so alone. Maybe writing does do something, it takes what’s running amok inside my head, dumping it and releasing it and now I can take a deep breath, turn on the TV, pick up my crocheting

Finished this little set last night.

and move forward!

What do you do when you feel stressed, when things seem to be exploding all around, when you want to control something and yet there is nothing you can control?

3 responses to “Real Life…”

  1. I make a cup of my favorite comfort drink (Cafe Vienna), put on some soothing music, and find a quiet spot to sit where I try to slow my mind. Sending hugs!

    Donna McNicol – My A to Z Blogs
    DB McNicol – Small Delights, Simple Pleasures, and Significant Memories
    My Snap Memories – My Life in Black & White

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