Month: July 2021

This morning I saw a post by a previous co~worker who shared she is turning 50 this year and still feels old baggage from childhood creeps into her life. I so understand!!!! And I told her so…and encouraged her to reach out if she ever needs a friend to listen.

My scripture this morning comes from Romans 3. Verses 3 & 4 jumped right out at me:

and I immediately thought of what my friend had shared earlier on Facebook…that even though we slip up now and again (who doesn’t) as long as our faith and belief in Christ is there HE will never leave us and HE will always love us. I took it even a bit further…I know what is right, I have learned some great new appropriate coping skills but sometimes what I know goes right out of my head and the old, familiar coping skills come right to the surface. Does this make me a bad person…NO NOT AT ALL…it reminds me I am human and it is only with God that I can make changes in my life. And that each day I need to make the right choices to make the right decisions. And I am so thankful for God’s grace and mercy.

Another thing my friend wrote about was “being a people pleaser” and how I can relate. I remember one time I was part of a support group and I was constantly bringing goodies to share and one day I brought a jar of homemade soup to one of the facilitators. Janice thanked me for the soup in front of the group. After the meeting she came up to me and said I wasn’t allowed to bring her any more goodies ~ even though she loved them ~ why you may ask, just like I did…I looked at Janice and said “why?” and she replied. Because you don’t have to always be doing things for me to like you. I like you for you!!! That was so hard for me. I love doing things for people, I love making food gifts or crochet gifts for others…but sometimes I have to check myself and ask..why am I doing XYZ??? Is it because I want someone to like me, to pay attention to me or is because I just want to bless them…no strings attached.

Do you know how freeing that is??? I am able now to do things just because without expectations. Now, for the most part I do things just because with no care about what the results or outcomes will be. Yes, sometimes I will do something for someone to say “I’m sorry” for hurting their feelings or for making them uncomfortable but it’s for them…not for how they will respond to me.

Back to verses 3 and 4 – there is nothing I can do that will turn God against me or like me any more or any less. He loves me for me!!!! Just the way I am.

Continuing in Romans 3: 22-24

Just another reminder of God’s grace is so freely given. I think of all the verses in the Bible I cling to…the ones that remind me of God’s grace is the one we share the most with the kidlets in our care. We try to show grace and mercy with our kidlets just as Christ has with us. The other day we had to have a chat with one of our boys, C, age 9 who is a pretty smart cookie, sometimes too smart for his own good 🙂 C was arguing with both Ron and I, got mad when I told him to get into the van and he said “I’m not getting in the van till you apologize.” Me being me, (we were in the parking lot of the Tampa Bay Rays) I turned and said, “C I am not going to argue with you. You need to get in the van.” He mustered up his stature (as much as a 4′ 10″ chunky little guy could and said “I am not getting in the van!” So I took my purse, put it on the floor of the van, pulled my phone out of my back pocket and said “well you leave me no choice but to call the police.” I think it was 2 seconds and he was in the van.

Once we were home, showers were had, snacks had been eaten, Ron and I called C into the office and asked him to sit down. We talked about following the rules and our expectations of behavior especially when we are out on an outing. Then Ron asked him if he knew what “grace” was. C replied “it’s a holy word.” Ron and I both smiled and said “well sort of.” Ron then told him what he wanted to tell C was that we were unhappy with his behavior at the game and that we just wanted to send him right to bed BUT just as God extends grace to us, we were going to extend grace to him. That grace is giving forgiveness even when we don’t want to. So he didn’t have to go to bed right away and in fact, he could stay up an extra 30 minutes. BUT the next time we are out on an outing and he misbehaves there will be a consequence of an early bedtime. And then Ron asked him if he understood. C replied, “Yes, I was rude in not getting into the van and you are being nice and letting me stay up.” Well sort of 🙂

We have talked a lot about grace this week while we have been working. Not only as reminders to the boys but to ourselves that God gives us grace ALL the Time!!! And usually we don’t deserve it.

Romans 3:28 ends the chapter with

I believe this verse ties right into what I was sharing with my friend (mentioned above) that it is not what we do (WORK) for others, its’ that we do because God calls us to love one another and to keep our faith in Him. And it reminds me to keep my eye on my relationship with the Lord!!! To keep the faith, to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, to remember whatever I am dealing with will pass, that nothing stays stagnant.

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What Bible verse has spoken to you that you try to emulate in your own life and with others you come into contact with?

My devotion this morning comes from Psalm 92. Before I even began reading I turned on some worship music. To have soft music playing in the background helps me to stay focused and music soothes my soul and brings calmness to my spirit.

The first thing I read was “it is good to give thanks…” and I have much to be thankful for…I slept better last night, getting two three-hour blocks of sleep without waking up and I woke up before the alarm this morning. That lets me know that my sleep was restful and I wasn’t fighting getting up. That is always a good thing.

Ron is walking a bit better today but I still want him to get his knee looked at or at least to get a wrap around brace for some support for it. What I want and what he will do doesn’t always mesh and I am learning not to nag him about it.

Our house is quiet this morning as our 7 yr old is at summer school and the 12 & 14 year olds are at summer camp until around 3pm. That leaves our 9 year old with us…he is content right now to be on the computer while Ron is doing training and I am reading and doing some writing. We will enjoy the quiet while we have it 🙂

Continuing in Psalm 92 reflecting on how far the Lord has brought me through this life always give me cause to be thankful. Recently I have connected through 23andMe (which was a gift from our kids, Jamie & Suzanne) with a third cousin. I told him I felt like I had won the lottery finding out I had more relatives out there. As y’all know, I struggle with and wish my relationship with Joanie was a better one but it is what it is, so I am excited to make some other connections. And to have stories confirmed about a couple of relatives has been good to. I would like to do some more researching on ancestry.com but it is not cheap to access their records and I just don’t know if I am ready to invest in it right now. Maybe down the road. But for now I am enjoying connecting with Peter and seeing how it really is a small world out there. And so I give thanks for possible new family connections.

Verse 8 begins with “But You, Lord…” and I am reminded it is because of the Lord that I have had healing in my life and now live with lots of peace and contentment. It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle because everyone struggles but it does mean…with God I am content and at peace and I know where to turn when my anxiety flares us. A couple of days ago, for no apparent reason, I was feeling anxious and so I asked for prayer from my friends…and it wasn’t long before people were letting me know they were praying for me and I could begin to fill the calmness come over me.

The one thing I will never understand is why some people have to be so negative towards others…I shared my need for prayer, for high anxiety and for the most part I received encouragement but there always seems to be that one that has to say “everybody feels anxious and has difficult times so just quit dumping on people.” I was a bit taken a back but then someone else posted…never be ashamed or fearful to ask for help. Thank you!!! And a couple of people shared their favorite verses with me (which happened to be the same verse)

The Message states it: ^4-5 When God, who is the best shepherd of all, comes out in the open with his rule, he’ll see that you’ve done it right and commend you lavishly. And you who are younger must follow your leaders. But all of you, leaders and followers alike, are to be down to earth with each other, for—God has had it with the proud, But takes delight in just plain people.^6-7 So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

And God reminds me

That even though I may think I am weak in Him I am strong and He is always with me. And my favorite verse out of the chapter is

because some days I feel really old, I question if we should be parenting at 63 & 65 and then I am reminded when a little one says “thank you for playing cards with me” or “I want Ms Ali to tuck me into bed and pray with me” that even in my “old age” God can and does still use me.

And out of the blue, like last night when I got a call from our girl, April, wanting to Facetime with me and shows herself hugging her unicorn I made her and just says “I love you Mama Ali and I miss you.” Makes this mama’s heart burst with love and I know I am doing what I need to be doing!

And I am encouraged that God is faithful in His promise that He will never leave me!!! And I am never alone!!!

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What do you do when you feel anxious?
Or over tired?
Or questioning whether you are doing what is what you are supposed to be doing?

And flow it did…we were in a Tornado watch then an Hurricane watch for most of Tuesday and Wednesday. We got over 3 1/2″ of rain in 24 hours. The ground is definitely saturated and we are thankful that the campground has staggered our sites like giant stairs…the water flows down the circle driveway…though we do feel bad for those camped at the bottom of the circle as their campsites have about an inch of standing water. Hopefully the heat of the day will dry it out quickly.

We just hunkered down in the trailer for the length of the storm. We have been watching a series on Netflix called “Greenleaf.” It is about a family who leads a church in Memphis but it is not all goody-two-shoes…it shows that no matter the positions one holds in a church people are still human. Some parts are funny yet some are pretty sad but really the series is full of real life people and how some make good choices, some make bad choices and that no matter what there are consequences for our choices.

We had a great week off in spite of the storms…Friday Danalyn and I went for pedicures. It was fun to have some girl time together and I know my feet sure appreciated the extra care. We then watched a bunch of different YouTube videos the boys wanted to show us and ate pizza…lots of pizza. I must say, Marcos Pizza did a great job with making the pizzas, delivery was perfect even though it was a bit pricey for us. But hey it’s not like we do pizza every night! Next time I want to try their cauliflower crust pizza!!

Sunday we made our way to Dan & Lynda’s (Danalyn’s parents)for the afternoon and a BBQ. If anyone went away hungry it was their own fault…we had BBQ burgers, hot dogs, watermelon, blueberries, strawberries, baked beans and veggies + chips, dip and Danalyn’s Pico de gallo!!!! We watched Independence Day! and the little boys went swimming! All in all it was a great day!!!

One of the things I have been wanting to do is to get a new Bible. Before we left Yoakum, I had shared with our girl, April how I liked my devotional Bible and she was feeling really sad that we were leaving so I gifted her my Bible. I hear from her that she loves reading the notes I have written throughout it. That warms this Mama’s heart. Anyway, Ron and I went to Books A Million (like a giant Barnes & Noble)…oh I could spend hours in there. I never knew there were so many different Bibles out there…kids, teens, women, men, couples, study, coloring and the list goes on and on.

I ended up getting the (in)courage devotional Bible

I got the light blue one. And of course, I had to get a new set of Bible pens and tabs!!! In the back there are a bunch of different weekly Bible devotions and reading plans. I started on the first one “Beautiful Brokenness and is a 5-week study.

I am enjoying the study…day 1 was found in Luke 7 and I was reminded how God’s grace extends to so many even with one situation…it doesn’t just affect me but those who I come into contact with.
One theme going through this chapter is compassion:

To care for one another, to be sensitive to what someone else is going through. I’m reminded by something I saw on Facebook:

Give grace to others, just as God has shown us grace over and over.

Day 2 came from Genesis 29

One of the phrases that really gave me reason to pause was
“Time doesn’t wait. When we count the moments, the moments count.”
A very vivid reminder to be in the moment, appreciate what is going on in the moment and those who are in my life at that specific moment. If in the moment I respond harshly I am not sharing God’s grace to that person but also that person will probably become grumpy as well and it just continues from one person to the next. But if in the moment, even when I’m frustrated, I take a deep breath and respond in a positive loving manner then that kindness will flow from one to another. I want to continue to count the moments and to make each moment count. It’s another reminder to be intentional in all I do. And to find the joy in the moment. It doesn’t mean I won’t have some difficult moments, it just means I need to remember the difficult times won’t last forever.

And this is what gives me hope, hope in the future, hope in healing and healthy relationships…by looking at how far I’ve come, how the Lord healed a very angry teenager and young mom, and showed me through so many people in my life that God has been with me every day of my life EVEN when I didn’t feel his presence.

One of my most favorite poems is Footprints in the Sand.” I love the feel of sand under my toes, I love to sit on the beach and listen to the waves as they crash against the shore.

When we lived in Pierce and King Counties in WA state, I loved to go to Flaming Geyser state park. I loved to sit on the banks of the river and watch the water flow away. Once in awhile I would put my toes in, the water was always freezing!!! As I would sit there I would toss little pebbles into the water and pretend they were my troubles and watch them disappear…I often think of that time, reflecting back on how peaceful time seemed sitting along the flowing water and how I would often pray.

The water rushing by was like God’s grace in my life…always flowing, never ending and always enough just like God is always enough…

One of the things in Genesis 29 that also spoke to me was comparisons…how Rachel and Leah were compared one to another. I often hear my mom saying in my head “well Joanie would never have done that” or “if that happened Joanie would have told me.” Comparisons can be so hurtful and even deadly. Maybe one reason Genesis 29 is timely for me are the many anniversaries that occur August to October in my life and I tend to wish for my sister to be a part of my life, but again I am reminded that I can’t make Joanie see the truth, that

And she has always compared my life to hers, she wants what I have or what she thinks I have had or have in my life. And I wish she could see herself for her and me for me, and that neither is better than the other…we each are! We are both loved by the Lord, we both have a niece that loves us and an aunt and cousins who would love to have her in their/our lives if she would only see that no one is better than the other.

And now I need to stop myself, before I rob myself of the joy in my life by wishing for things that may or may not ever happen…I am loved by many and have many to love. I am blessed beyond measure and have much to be thankful for!!

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So I leave you now with the following questions:

1. Where do you find your peaceful place?
2. When you start down a negative path how do you change directions?
3. Do you have a favorite poem that speaks to your heart?

It is raining, thundering, lightning and just plain yucky outside BUT I am thankful for our little home on wheels where I am dry and comfortable.

I slept in this morning while Ron was the good Grandpa and got up early and drove 35 miles to watch Alex & Treyson play basketball. Sad to say they lost their game but was told they still had fun. Ron said they were just plain outsized! Better luck next time boys!!!

I took time this morning to spend it in God’s Word. My devotion for the day was found in Romans 5 and a friend recommended Romans 8 ~ so many good nuggets in those two chapters!!!

It begins “THEREFORE” and I am reminded of someone telling me that when you see the word Therefore it means to pay attention! So I am told because of my faith in the Lord I will have peace!!!

It continues in Romans 5:3-4

We all face trials and tribulations, storms (how appropriate as I sit here listening to the thunder/rain) but by keeping my faith in the Lord, I know HE will teach me patience, help me through any storms of life just by keeping my faith. It doesn’t mean things will always be easy but it does mean I will never be alone!

Then in Romans 5:8 it starts out

BUT GOD, this phrase has spoken to me so many times in the past few weeks…BUT God, God is in control, He knows what I need and when I need it…keep trusting God in all situations!!!

The theme for Romans 5 is that God wants me/us to think, speak and behave rightly and that HE will give us just what we need when we need it. God will never require us to do something without giving us the tools to do what needs to be done. We need to open and willing to accept what He is offering to us. If we/I am constantly thinking negative thoughts about myself or that something is wrong with me my life will reflect the negative BUT by thinking of the positive things happening in my life, looking for the good in myself and others will keep me on the right track of life.

And this is so true in our lives as we work with our foster kids, if we only focus on the negative that is all we will see BUT if we focus on the positive, the better choices they make, encourage them instead of tearing them down they too will begin to live and reflect the positives in their lives. One of the lessons in the many hours of training that we just completed for work really stuck in my mind…try to think how my words/requests/directives can be worded in a positive manner. Instead of focusing on what the kidlets didn’t do, focus on what they did. I think of our little L ~ he doesn’t always put his dirty towels/clothes in the right basket but he does get them to the door of the laundry room ~ so I say to him “Thanks L for bringing your dirty clothes to the laundry room!!!” And I think next time we will work on getting them into the basket and not just on the floor THEN I think about Ron, he is 65 years old and sometimes he still can’t get his dirty clothes into the laundry basket but tosses them on the floor right in front of the basket…if he can’t remember to put them in the basket how can we expect a little 7 yr old to do that ???

Romans 8 starts out the same

Therefore ~ Pay Attention!!! We are not condemned to die forever if we love the Lord!!!! God continually encourages us through His word, through those who are in our life. He is constantly encouraging us “you can do it, come on try again!” Just like we need to be doing for others in our lives…especially our little’s in our care.

Romans 8:5

Makes me think of jello ~ if we put jello in a mold, it comes out looking like the mold…so if I pour into myself the love of Christ, then His love will come from me. (I sure hope that makes sense).

Romans 8 ends with

and

And I am so encouraged. Not that all things that happen to me are good by themselves BUT God is Good and through him all things work towards good. I remember sitting in Pastor Charles’ office so many times, expressing my biggest fears and he would say “what is the worst thing that could happen?” and I would say Ron would die…my biggest fear, being left alone without my loving and caring husband, the one person in this whole world who has loved me with all my foibles, through the good and difficult times. And then smiling, Pastor Charles would say “yep it would be hard for you (me) to live without Ron but if Ron died he would be with Jesus and that is the best thing ever!!!!” He would continue “and you would never be totally alone, you are loved by so many, especially by the Lord.” And even today as I sit in our little home on wheels, not having any friends physically close by I am reminded that I am

and

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What are the things you tell yourself that are just not true?
Can you change the negative thoughts to a positive one?

I want to wish all who are reading my blog today many blessings and pray that you know you are loved!!!