Every Day feels like the same ~ long & frustrating

So much has been going on and yet I feel like I am spinning on the dang merry-go-round and it’s not very merry.

Nothing new at work – same crap every day, moral stinks and no one seems to have a kind word for anyone ~ that is sad. I used to love going to work, now it’s just another thing on my To Do List.

Ron continues to have almost weekly doctor appointments though this week and next have two each!!! Today is the gastroenterologist, tomorrow the PCP to go over lab results and to discuss a couple of new symptoms that have been noticed by others. Next week is Cataract surgery with a follow up on Friday.

I’m tired, some nights I get good sleep but then there are nights like last night – up 4x due to my cgm going wacko – lots of “low alarms” – nope not low – verified with finger sticks – numbers in the low 100’s right where it needs to be. Sent in a “help ticket ” to Dexcom and changed out my sensor to a new one. The old one wasn’t old – had only been on since Tuesday night about 8PM – sure hope they replace it because they are too dang expensive for me to replace.

But today is a new day…I’ve done what I needed to do to get ready for work this morning, feeling a bit lost but attribute that to lack of sleep.

I don’t really have much to say – just feeling like I need to write and my writing just gets shoved to the side…like so much of what is happening in my life…laundry needs to be done, I haven’t crocheted in months EVEN though I have 4 projects that have been spoken for, most days I come home, make dinner ~ if you can call it that. Last night was Hormel Tamales from a can. I think we are having sausage and rice tonight with green beans ~ and then veg on the couch for an hour or so and then crawl into bed and do a repeat the next day.

I feel bad – Ron is always asking me do I want to do XXXXX and I just look at him. What I want to do, at least in my mind, is go hide for a long weekend, sleep & eat as I want, sleep some more and not be responsible for anyone but alas that is not possible so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, telling myself at the end of the day “well at least I didn’t kill anyone today.”

As I told my boss yesterday morning – I just don’t have the energy to do what is expected of me. I feel behind at work, I feel like a slug at home and that the bare minimum is what gets done. I try to be cheerful. I ask Poppa God to help me get through the days and HE does because I keep having new days. I want to feel good again: emotionally, physically, and yes even spiritually – if feels like I am dog paddling with all my might and not getting anywhere.

Well heck, it’s almost 7:00 and I need to get out the door for work. As my mom used to say “another day, another dollar” – if you made it to the end I do hope you have la great day!!! One of us needs one of them.