Facebook ~ changing how I use it ~

Let me start by saying Facebook can be a good thing but in some ways, at least for me it is not always a good thing.

If you have followed along on my blog for any length of time, you know I deal with depression and anxiety. And 2023 has been a doozy for me in this area. With the issues while we were working at Big Creek Missions, the job change to New Jersey that didn’t work out for a number of reasons, the accident where I fell and tripped over Ron and his little stay in the hospital in New Jersey and then an unexpected move to Florida (but God knew what he was doing 😀) we travelled approximately 3500 miles between March 9 to April 2, 2023.

This included 3 blow outs, moving in and out of the trailer, lots of uncertainty but lots of trust and prayers – we settled in at Lake Bambi Mobile Home & RV Park. We have had two job changes for Ron, lots of jobs applied for, looking for a new church home where we would be welcomed as family, two weeks of Covid for Ron and one week for Ali ~ definitely don’t wish that on anyone, meeting new friends, lots of Grammy and Grandpa time plus living life and keeping going add in some hard anniversaries ~~ my anxiety and depression took a few roller coaster rides.

and

Became my thinking ~ Keep praying to Poppa God, seek Him, and participating in two fasts ~ the first one was 40 Days of Sugar Fasting which I facilitated with three other women. I didn’t go completely off of sugar but did eliminate products with added sugar and avoided foods like chips, pretzels, cupcakes, etc. By the time the Sugar Fast was coming to an end I felt the Lord challenging me on some things in my life.

I would lie in bed or on the couch and cry, loud sobbing tears asking Poppa God to help me to feel better ~ physically ~ my right leg hurt almost every time I took a step, emotionally ~ the roller coaster of depression and anxiety was running rampant, money worries were causing me lots of tummy issues and spiritually I was feeling like God was out there but I just couldn’t reach Him 😰😥😩 and I was feeling alone.

BUT GOD kept encouraging me. I found not one, not two but three ladies Bible studies. I’m currently still in two of them. I am so thankful for the ladies I have met, new friends I have made but most of all I am so thankful for all the encouragement that Poppa God has sent my way.

The middle of September I started a new Gratitude Calendar, listing three things most days that I am thankful for. Yesterday I was thankful for the offer of a new job! thankful for an unexpected monetary gift and the unexpected gift of a homemade chicken pot pie (two meals for Ron and I).

I was invited to a lunch gathering of a group of Christian women and as Alex would say “it was awesome!” We met at the Asian buffet in Wesley Chapel, I was welcomed with welcoming arms and it was fun to just get together and visit about nothing in particular. Another day I was invited by two friends (from the Connerton Ladies Bible study) to go for lunch and had the best grilled cheese sandwich and conversation! It was fun to sit outside in the cool weather and just visit.

We have been to quite a few soccer games and enjoyed watching Treyson and Alexander play and win!! They have another game this coming Saturday and we are looking forward to that. We have had grands spending the night, having game night and through it all we continue to give thanks for how Poppa God worked all the hard stuff turn out for good!

And through the ups and downs of living life I have found myself spending more time in the Word, growing in my heart and relationship with the Lord and learning more about myself.

Just before the end of September my Freedom Bible study had two lessons: one was on idols and one was on forgiveness. Idols are anything that comes between me and God – and that’s where Facebook comes in. I was spending more and more time zoning out on Facebook, joining groups on top of more groups, feeling anxious about people I don’t even know and the night of September 28th and into the 29th I felt like the Lord kept asking me “can you live without Facebook?” “what about all the time you spend on Facebook and then complaining you don’t have time in the Word?” OUCH!! I found myself laying in bed the night of Sept. 29th, crying to God about life, my struggles, my fears and I heard Him say to me “Give me your time and see how I can truly be your friend and confidant.” And that included going off of Facebook for the month of October. In my conversations with Poppa God I also heard him saying, don’t say anything to anyone. Just as I (Jesus) tell you to go into your prayer closet alone, to be quiet with me – this decision to leave Facebook was just between me and Poppa God. So in the afternoon of September 30th I did a quick look at Facebook and deleted that page from my opening pages of Safari. I didn’t tell anyone about not being on Facebook for the month of October until the second week when I told a friend when she mentioned she hadn’t seen any posts from me on Facebook. My comment to her was “I feel like Jesus just wants me to focus on Him and so I’m taking a break.” And then I let my Keep On Keeping On group on Facebook know that I was taking a break but would be reachable through Messenger, texts or emails ~ as the facilitator of the group I felt they needed to know why I had disappeared.

I went on Facebook once during the month to share a post my daughter-in-love asked me to share and then I posted quite a few pictures of my different crochet projects on my Crochet Creations by Ali on Facebook.

I was amazed at how much less anxiety I had during the month of October and I felt my depression lifting more and more. I realized I wasn’t missing all the drama of other people’s issues, unconsciously allowing feelings of not good enough, having to compete, to be ________ whatever I thought others thought I should be. And I can say, I think there are three main reasons for this change in my life: spending more time in the Word and having a more quality relationship with Poppa God, not getting sucked into the negative posts that seem to be pretty rampant on Facebook and being more in the moment with my hubby, kids and grands right here and now.

I have used the above scripture verse as one of my new prayers this month and I truly believe it is helping me to keep my focus and taking my thoughts captive to Jesus is what is helping me to turn from the downward spiraling of depression and instead taking comfort in the arms of Jesus.

The other area of my life that I’ve been revisiting…I say revisiting because I thought I had dealt with forgiving those who had hurt me in the past…especially as a child. After one of my recent blog posts where I shared about being called an Idiot Child by my mom, I was asked if I had forgiven her because in reality forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving not the one who caused the hurt. My friends’ question came at the same time the chapter in my Freedom study was on forgiveness….Yes I believed I had forgiven my parents for the abuse they sent my way as a child but I realized that forgiveness is not a one and done project. Obviously I was still feeling hurts in regards to what my mom called me as a young girl or else hearing the word “idiot” wouldn’t cause me angst and the upcoming anniversary of my mom’s death wouldn’t be causing me so much anxiety and anger…so I spent some more time in prayer, wrote out a prayer of forgiveness and felt the pain that the little girl pictured here felt…

…all those years ago begin to subside from my heart I could see myself being loved and comforted by Poppa God the way a little girl should be loved and treated.

As I continue this journey called life, turning more and more to Poppa God, trusting Him more and more, especially when I am afraid of _____ (fill in the box) and continuing to read Philippians, and doing my Bible study lessons I am feeling more and more like the happy, little girl Jesus has always loved. And she’s a cute little girl, if I say so myself. LOL.

As November began I decided to make some changes in how I “do” Facebook – the first thing I did was went through and left almost all of the groups I had joined…does anyone need to belong to 100+ groups? I now belong to the groups that are important to me: Gathering of Nomads, Keep On Keeping On, a couple of church groups, a few Male Breast Cancer and Support groups as well as my Crochet Creations by Ali page.

The second rule I have made for myself…is set a time for 30 minutes of Facebook time – that’s it! And it comes after my quiet time with Jesus, Bible studies are complete for the day, paperwork that needs to be done, and other things that I need to be actively a part of ~ not zoning for hours on Facebook…

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This leads to a question – is Facebook a problem for you? If so, what have you done to eliminate the problem? Do you think Facebook can be an idol ~ why or why not? Do you think there are other idols that people pay more attention to than what they should be paying attention to.