Wandering Wednesday ~ well Thought’s Anyway 😎

As I have been told more times than not, at least by Ron anyway ~ I’ve never met a word I didn’t like LOL..that is not exactly true and I was reminded of that word this week while working on my Freedom Bible study class.

What word don’t I like ~

Why you ask? Because that is what my mom called from as far back as I can remember. In fact, one of my first memories of my mom is her saying to me when we were at a friend’s house when I was about five years old. I was playing with my friend, Cindy, and my mom said, “Alice let’s go. Alice it’s time to go. Margaret let’s go. Margaret Alice I said let’s go.” And finally she said (as I continued to play with Cindy all during that time) “Idiot Child let’s go.” and I got up and followed her to the door. For years, I believed I was an idiot,it must have been true because my mom called me one 😰.

Are you asking “why the heck would that memory come up now?” Well the lesson for this week’s Freedom class is “What am I afraid of? Steps to trusting God.” Afraid of, Fear of ~ you name it…so I decided I was going to share my notes from this week’s lesson so I can say something to the devil at the end of this lesson! This week’s lesson is eight pages long and by the time I was done I had cried, said thank you, shed more tears, looked at things I thought I had dealt with years ago, admitted that some things still hurt ~ BADLY! Realized some truths that I think I have known but haven’t claimed and in the end I hope my struggles and the positive outcome will be an encouragement to someone reading my blog. Because that’s what I want most in life ~ is to be an encouragement to others.

Notes

• God created me and knows me best!
• God put deep needs in me:
  • to be loved
  • to be accepted
  • to be safe
  • to be chosen
  • to be heard
  • to be understood
  • to be significant
• Fear is what the devil uses to convince me that my needs won’t be met, that I can’t trust Poppa God.
• The devil uses fear to control the outcomes in my life
• I need to say “If ________ happens, I will trust God to care of me through it!
• The devil uses my past experiences to distort my view of everything in my life. This leads to feelings of
  • being insecure
  • doubtful
  • afraid
  • feeling out of control, that I have no choice in the matter
• BUT God wants to use my past experiences to bring out the best in me and to glorify Himself through me.
• Stop letting allowing fear to rule my life!!
• The devil makes sin feel good.

There are many lies that a spirt of fear can suggest. Out of the sixteen listed I marked twelve!!! The one that stood out to me the most was the “what if I’m just like my mom?” This has been a prevalent battle in my life since my own boys were toddlers. I remember the first time I actually noticed I was “being my mom” ~ Jamie, age 4 at the time was upstairs playing in his bedroom with Brandon and I was laying on the couch downstairs and I called Jamie to come downstairs. I’m not sure when it hit me, but it was before Jamie reached me, I found myself asking “Ali, what the heck are you doing? You are being lazy (another word I don’t like, just ask Ron about the day before we got married 😜) just like your mom. You are perfectly capable to get up off the couch and get yourself something to drink. By the time Jamie actually got down to the living room, I told him never mind and scooted him back upstairs to play. I remember sitting on the couch, crying that I didn’t want to be the mom to the boys that my mom was to me. I got myself my own can of soda pop that day. I have never forgotten that interaction and used that awareness to learn how to be a better parent to our own boys, our foster kids, our grands and even be a better “mom” to myself. Not that it happened overnight – BUT I am so thankful for all the ways the Lord has helped me to be a good mom, grammy and Mama Ali. And I am so thankful for the relationships I have with each member of my family!

• Fear glasses ~ how we see the distortions that living in fear brings.
• When I change my focus, fear loses its power in my life.
• My security and worth comes from God!

Psalm 112:7 ~ Ali’s Version ~

I, Ali, do not fear bad news,
I, Ali, confidantly trust the Lord to care for me!


Lord help me to remember these verses and to claim Psalm 112:7 every single day of my life!

• The devil likes to use fear to immobilize me ~
  • SO TRUE ~ I was physically, emotionally and spiritually paralyzed the year Jamie was serving in the Army in Iraq.
• The devil uses fear to build a case against God ~
  • That I need to defend, protect, control myself and others but REALITY is that God is the one in control in all situations.
• The devil likes me to think I am not good enough ~
  • BUT the TRUTH is that I am GOOD ENOUGH! and what I need to do is Burn those old tapes of my mom calling me names and my dad telling me I’m worthless.

BUT Poppa God says ~
I am loveable!
I am made in His image!
He is my strength when I am weak
His presence dismisses the dread and drives out terror!

So Lord today I turn my list of fears

• abandonment
• not being loved
• not having food to eat
• of something happening to Ron that is out of my control
• being alone without family and friends
• not being good enough

OVER TO YOU!!! Help me to surrender my thoughts to You. Help me erase every fearful thought when it arises. Help me trust YOU, even when I don’t know how. Be my strength when I am weak and help me to remember You are always with me!! Every day, every hour, every hour and every minute ~ no matter what may come my way! Amen.

I, Ali, do not fear bad news,
I, Ali, confidantly trust the Lord to care for me!