Thursday Thoughts ~ Raw & Emotional!

As I sit here at the counter wanting to write a sweet nice blog post my head is reeling with tons of anxiety, physical pain, depression swirling around and trying to keep the nasty, unwelcome thoughts out of my head.

I want to scream and cry…my leg hurts so dang bad. Muscle cream is not helping, arthritis pain relievers aren’t touching the pain. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit with my legs dangling, it hurts to lay down. It’s not my sciatica, it’s the muscle itself.

I’m trying to figure out finances…I hate money issues and they seem never ending. Ron work’s his butt off at Amazon and I’m feeling like a failure for not bringing in funds to our home. I would love to find a job that I can do from home because Ron works nights, it would be easier for us if I could work from home since we only have one vehicle. I’ve started checking into doing some classified substituting for the local school districts but what I’m finding out is that politics and who you know has more clout than experience.

I’m feeling so frustrated with myself – I have so many projects that I want and need to get accomplished but I can’t seem to get myself organized and structured enough to focus on more than one thing like crocheting and watching CourtTV!

I have always been so organized in my life with work, doing crafts, focusing on special projects but lately it seems like my mind can only focus on one thing and when my leg is hurting that I just want to cry and scream that takes over my mind.

I guess I’m just rambling…I’m not even sure what I really need in life? As I told someone I know in my head what I want and need and want to do yet I can’t seem to get myself to do anything…it’s just easier to sit on the couch, crochet and watch the craziness in other people’s lives.

Enough whining…going to make me a new To Do List and write everything down that I need to do, everything I want to do and what I need to be doing!