It’s been awhile since I have written. It’s been awhile since I opened my Bible ~ other than at Bible study this past Wednesday. It’s been awhile since I have felt like I had anything to say that anyone would care to read. It’s been awhile since I have felt anything but depressed and sad…
…that is till we had our grandson, Christopher, over for a visit last night and today. We bought junk food to eat, watched movie after movie, played UNO, stayed up till almost midnight and got up around 8:00 this morning…the first morning in I don’t know how long I have been up before 9:30 or so!!!
Made breakfast of biscuits and sausage gravy, ate delicious cantaloupe gifted us by Miss Cindy, our next door neighbor and just had a good day.
I have been feeling so down, so not needed, so not anything…just feeling blah.
Last Wednesday night I went to Bible study…even at the last minute I was going to cancel but this little voice said “you told Ada you would be there…doesn’t your word mean anything any more?” So I went. There were only three of us there but I am so glad I went…had some delicious Papa John pizza and was gifted some for lunch the next day too! I was gifted a new large print NLT Bible. A few weeks back, while at Bible study we were talking about different translations ~ I had NIV, and was told some surprising things about that version and the following Sunday Pastor CJ said the same thing so I began to look for a new Bible. I asked one of the gals which one she thought was a good translation AND she presented me with a new Bible this past week ~ the New Living Translation! As I drove home last Wednesday night, I found myself smiling…something that seemed to have been absent from my being.
Thursday I got a note via email that encouraged me beyond measure! And then yesterday my Bestie posted this on my Facebook page:
and I reflected back on an email she had sent me many months ago asking me what did I need to be happy, to be content and I sat and cried and cried some more. And then last night, Ron, Christopher and I watched
and Ron and I talked about “being needed” and I thought to myself about the way I’ve been feeling the last few weeks, as my depression deepened, my mind going places it had no business going, reflected on a small conversation with Pastor CJ on Tuesday, that the reason we weren’t at church on Sunday was because “mother’s day and church don’t go well together for me” and he said “it was hard for a lot of people.”
And so as I was sitting here crocheting earlier this evening I reminded myself that I have much to be thankful for, much to be grateful for and that I have much to do…
…as a wife, mom, grammy, friend, daughter of the King…I need to choose JOY!, I need to CHOOSE to get out and walk every day! I need to choose to be the best wife, mom, grammy, friend I can be!!!!
The last few weeks have been hard but this evening as I sit here I am thankful I am still here and am committing to myself and to Jesus to make better choices about. my health, my attitude and my life!!!
And I’m putting this out there and adding ~ please help me to hold myself accountable to be making better choices each and every day!!!
One response to “Random Thoughts ~”
Your post resonates with me. I shared similar feelings, it’s wonderful your grandchild came. I too watched A Man Called Otto and my word I could relate. Never feel like what you say doesn’t matter. I got one enjoy being in the moment with someone regardless of how much or little is shared. Often just knowing someone is there is helpful.