I will begin with how I’m feeling….
Another rough night…woke up at 4a sweating like a dog…I know, dog’s don’t sweat…but boy was I hot and sweaty. Made my way to the living room and checked my blood sugar…63! Drank a pineapple juice and ate a couple of Reese’s miniature peanut butter cups along with a banana…checked my blood sugar 15 minutes later….only 67! Not going up very fast…drank some red grapefruit juice…it was close to 5:00a when I finally felt the shakes go away and made my way back to bed.
Woke up at 8:03a feeling panicked…coming out of a dream, feeling abandoned and ignored and mad that no one would listen to me…everyone just kept having fun in the play they were performing!!! Began my morning routine…weighed…the dang scale just keeps going up!!! Up to 259.6!!! Dang I was down to 248!!! Couldn’t seem to shake my feeling of uneasiness from waking up….opened my Bible…
Today was Proverbs 27
And immediately thought about the year Jamie was in Iraq and how I was filled with worry for that year, just knowing something bad was going to happen to him…and yet nothing did…he came back to us all grown up!!! All that worry for nothing!!!
and the guilt feelings from feeling jealous yesterday when I saw my Bestie was communicating with others and I was feeling ignored (don’t worry I will tell her all about it in my email later this morning…and thankfully I know she loves me unconditionally and we always love one another extending grace and mercy knowing we can weather anything and everything!) Prayed…Lord forgive me for being jealous…I know she is dealing with some heavy stuff…
Oh Lord…I won’t leave her and I am so thankful that she won’t leave me or quit loving me because of some of my crappy and jealous thoughts!!!
Oh Lord….I’m tired of feeling lousy, feeling like I continually try and fail and that’s when Jealousy and Pity overtake my thoughts!!! Forgive me for not being thankful that my Bestie has relationships with her sisters…that it’s my own jealousy of that lack of relationship with my own sister…that feeds my feelings. Lord help me to love my Bestie as the sister you gave me!!! And I am truly thankful for friendship and love!!!
And then I read the devotional that went along with Proverbs 27:9
And God reminded me that I am so blessed to have my Bestie in my life, that we extend grace to each other especially when ourselves get in the way! As well I am reminded that God has brought many women friends into my life…some I call sister, mom, and friend…and I am thankful for each one….especially on the days that satan rears his ugly head and tries to destroy me!!!
Then I opened an email devotional From God Pause and this was the statement that jumped out at me: Lent is coming, when once again we will embark on our Lenten journey of repentance and new life.
Lent…a time to give up something and keep my focus on the Lord, to seek healing and peace in my life. I usually give up sugar, candy, chocolate or ????? But I think the Lord is telling me to give up the negativity that has gotten too comfortable in my life!!! Lent starts on March 2 this year…only 34 days from today…then 40 days of Lent…maybe, just maybe the Lord is encouraging me to start my Lenten journey today…to turn the negativity off and focus on the many blessings in my life. And immediately I think of being grateful and thankful
And so this morning I start my own Lenten season of 74 days!!! of Being Grateful. Finding JOY in the many blessings of my life!!!
Day 1 of Ali’s Lenten season!
Thank you Lord for blessing me with a hubby who loves me more than I could ever deserve. Who works hard to provide for us each and every day!
Who gets up in the middle of the night to open candy wrappers and hand me juice when I can’t see straight and stays up with me till I stop shaking!!!