I read the paragraph below in the midst of fear rearing its ugly head and yet feeling peace in a strange sort of way.
“One of the fears that many have at one time or another is the safety of our loves ones. The fear that something bad will happen to them. We can’t always be with them or always protect them. But God is with them always, and He is mighty. Pray that His protection would surround those we love, and His angels would guard their coming and going. Pray that He would keep them safe from harm. Thank Him that we can release those we love into His care, knowing that He watches over His children, and covers them in His care.”
Yesterday fear and panic raised its head when Ron passed out and fell beside the truck when we were in Secret Harbor to pick up an RV recliner. I yelled for help (duh didn’t even think to use my cell phone) and honked the horn, feeling panic rising up in my throat. A young couple came out of their townhome and called 911 for me. Another neighbor came to offer help. Paramedics arrived and transferred Ron to the hospital…concern was could it be his heart? could it be a stroke? He had a low Blood Glucose reading of 69, his heart rate was under 65. So an EKG, chest x-ray and finally a CT scan on his head the doctors decided to admit him to the hospital.
By the time the decision to admit Ron it was almost 8:30p. We had only planned to be gone for a few hours so we didn’t pack any of our necessities like my evening meds, morning meds, toothbrush, etc. We decided it would be best for me to return to the trailer, eat some dinner, take my meds and get a good night’s rest especially since there really wasn’t anything I could do for Ron.
After sending some texts to the boys and a few prayer warriors I made my way back to the trailer. It took me about 55 minutes (the GPS said it would be 43 minutes) so that wasn’t too bad. Made myself some dinner and then called it a night. Sleep was okay, only woke up twice so that was a good thing.
I spent some time in the Word…today it was Proverbs 3.
The devotional was written by Anna Rendell…
…we ask God to lead and guide our path but sometimes my trust falters
…trusting God with all my heart means leaning on His understanding, knowing that whatever that is, it is enough and it is right and we know it will be well no matter what. I remember how so often Pastor Charles would ask me “what is the worst thing that could happen”? and I would reply “something happening to Ron.” And then he would say…”no, Ron would be with Jesus and there is absolutely nothing sad or bad about that. Yes, life might be hard for me but I am loved by many and am truly never alone because Jesus is always with me.” And I KNOW that’s all true!
…I struggle with understanding why things happen and I get frustrated because I can’t control everything around me ~ like Ron passing out twice yesterday, being back in the hospital and so much unknown!
…trusting God with all our heart means relying on His understanding, letting the fact that He understands His ways be enough to answer my/our deepest questions of why and how.
…trusting God with all our heart and thinking of Him in all our ways, means we open our hearts to His path, as scary and new and unraveled as it may be. It means stepping forward, taking one step at a time until we are safe at the top, the darkness all behind us. When we’re not sure how to trust, we lean hard and step forward in faith, knowing that He is waiting at the top to welcome us.
And so this morning as I have been packing a few things to take to the hospital I have worship music on, drinking my bottle of water and repeating my life verse
The above picture speaks so much…the winding river, calm in some spots, imagining it having rapids somewhere along the path, beautiful sunset or sunrise, bright sky with some dark clouds and that’s how my life…beautiful at times, dark and dreary at times, peaceful then rocky then peaceful again…so as I head out the door to see my sweet hubby I go with peace in my heart, trying to remember to live in the moment! And I think about what I wrote just a few days ago
So life continues…I spent quite a bit of time praying while I was in the hospital and was reminded in many ways that God is my protector and provider. Oh…one more thing the doctor said on Sunday as he was discharging me…Ms Margaret you need to stop worrying about things you have no control over! I laughed and said right. Dr. Feliz said, “no you need to quit worrying about stuff…if a thought or fear comes to mind ask yourself “what can I do about XYZ” and if the answer is nothing then let it go…you didn’t have a heart attack but you came close, so deal with what you can and whatever you can’t, let it go.”
I was alone for about 30 minutes after he left my room and I just cried, cried because one of my things is that I must be in control and the reality is that I am not in control of much. Thank you Dr. F and Jesus for this strong reminder and then confirming them this morning with my devotional and scripture tea!!!
And so I reminded to keep trusting, putting one foot in front of the other and remember I am enough, I have enough, I am loved by many and I will never be alone!