I’m writing this in blue because that’s how I’m feeling…blue, meh (borrowed from my bestie), tired, teary eyed…if there is a negative word that is me today and I’m not sure why.

I kind of alluded to this yesterday in my post…just feeling bleh!!! And I really don’t know why.

Life is good…Ron has a job. I have lots of free time..both alone and just hanging with my hubs. We have plenty of food on hand – granted it’s not all healthy stuff but hey it’s food. Our cupboards have lots of stuff in them. We have potatoes, ravioli, rice, pasta, cereal, oatmeal…all sorts of stuff…that I know I shouldn’t eat a lot of it, especially a lot at any one time but at the same time I’m not throwing perfectly good food out to go buy more especially since we haven’t worked or had a paycheck for a month. Ron gets his first paycheck on Friday ~ it will be a partial one as he only worked part of the week and we have some auto withdrawals that we have to make sure we have the money in the bank to cover them plus our other bills will be coming due in the next couple of weeks and not knowing exactly how much money will be coming in the door is causing me lots of anxiety!!

We have found a good doctor and are starting to get back on track with regular visits and since Ron is working at Amazon I have health insurance (a big deal with having diabetes and on two different insulins!) and Ron is on Medicare so that didn’t change.

I’m feeling a bit of stress over our trailer…we have a leak, we know where, just have to figure out how to fix it and then do it. We need 48 hours of absolutely no rain once we put the sealant on the seams…and a tall ladder for Ron to be able to get on it to put the sealant on…there is no way this lady is going on or even close to the roof!!!

I know all the things I should be saying to myself but it sounds hollow. I have plenty of time to write yet I just want to sleep or eat or both…but hey I’m not snacking in bed so that’s a good thing. Oh let me tell you what I did the other night…Ron had gone to work, I wanted to watch a movie but was afraid I would fall asleep so I thought about propping myself up on all the pillows on our bed…we have like 7 between the two of us…okay I have 5 and Ron has two LOL…and I wanted some popcorn. But remember I’m not eating/snacking in bed anymore so what’s a girl supposed to do.

So I made my popcorn, propped up all the pillows, crawled on top of the blankets, turned the movie on and watched a Christmas movie…talk about guilt…Christmas movie in November…OH NO, Ron would have had a fit LOL, does sitting on the bed, propped up on pillows count as eating in bed??? Not really but boy did I feel guilty. And like I told my friend, Lynda, many years ago…I am my own worst enemy as I tattle on myself all the time!! And I did…I emailed my Bestie, Dee, the other day and fessed up to eating the popcorn on the bed. But being the Bestie that she is…she never said a word to me…but let me tell you the guilt from that has been gnawing on me and I haven’t even considered it since!!!! So what do you think? Did I break my streak of not eating in bed? Should I start the count over?

I’m laughing at myself as I wrote the above but still feel like a frumpy fat cow right now, still wanting to just go crawl into bed and go to sleep…asking myself how do I get out of this funk? Any suggestions?