I couldn’t sleep so was scrolling through Facebook and Pastor Fred of New River Church, in Wesley Chapel, where we have been attending on our off weeks posted the following:
“As believers, we are not left on our own to cope with our own problems. When we don’t have the right words to pray, The Holy Spirit prays with us and for us, and God answers those prayers. With God helping us pray…We don’t ever have to be afraid to come before him. Ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for you, in accordance to God’s will. Then when you bring your request to God, trust that he will always do what is best. Have faith as believers that whatever the answer is…. is what God says is best.
And I wrote the following as a reply (and then deleted it) but decided to write here about it…
I wish i could just crawl up into Jesus’ lap and say Abba Poppa I can’t do this anymore…I don’t even know what to do. It’s been a hard couple of days and right now it doesn’t seem to be ending. I emailed my Bestie tonight after a very difficult day here at work. And now I’m thinking…why does life seem so hard right now? I feel like I am being bullied from every side and I’m tired. I feel like I am complaining a lot and I keep putting myself into this position. I try to talk with Ron but I can’t seem to say the things to make him understand…it just comes out like I’m bitching AND maybe I am.
I profess to be a Christian and yet I feel so helpless and alone. I have many acquaintances but feel like I have no friends around. I work with a lot people yet feel I can’t say how I actually feel as my words get twisted and turned against me. I KNOW Jesus loves me and I have accepted Jesus as my savior but even as I write this out I feel like I am questioning everything I have believed in for so many years.
Life should be fun and not so full of strife or is that just a dream, a fallacy of wishful thinking? And now it’s almost 2:00am and 7:00 will be here before I know it. I would love to stuff my face with 5 even 10 of the candy bars (fun size ones!) but instead I am reaching for a drink of my water…you know the stuff that makes me have to get up and go to the bathroom three or four times a night!!! But hey five nights no snacking…guess that’s a good thing.