I can’t remember the last time I wrote on my blog and I’m too lazy to go check the last date and it really doesn’t matter anyway…I just know it’s been awhile. It’s been awhile since I picked up my Bible, it’s been awhile since I last wrote a special aunt, it’s been awhile since a lot of ….. and like I tell our kids (right now it’s 9 boys) it’s okay, God’s grace is new every day and today I am going to just give myself the grace that I try to freely give to others.
I went to bed just after 7p last night. Woke up just before 6 and finally feel rested. Thank you Jesus and NyQuil!!! It seems like a lot has been happening but also like nothing is going on…on July 30 I had a stool fall on my foot…it hurt like the dickens. Yesterday I went to my first PT appointment. When I left the office I was feeling frustrated and tired. The doctor had said I didn’t break the bone in my foot, the PT says differently. The doctor says yes I can go back to work, standing up to three hours a day, the PT says stay off your foot for a good week or two. Who do I believe? What do I do? What I do know is that the heat the PT put on my foot, the exercises he had me do in the office, the heating pad I used for most of the afternoon yesterday and the four or five times I have done the foot exercises this morning my foot is feeling much better. I did the exercises before getting out of bed this morning…guess what? My foot didn’t hurt quite as bad when I stood up on it!!! Thank you Jesus and the PT for encouraging me.
Last night before going to bed I looked at an email from one of the many “self-help/diet/eat right” I get every day…I was encouraged to just do one thing. This morning when I woke up be 0 dark thirty and came out to the living room I picked up my Bible (I can’t remember the last time I opened my Bible. I know I have carried it to work for two weeks and been off one week so it’s been at least three weeks since I sat down to talk with God, to read His word…oh my gosh…did I just admit I don’t read my Bible every day?? What kind of person must I be??). I turned to the back where the daily devotions are listed. I turned to 2 Kings 25. The devotion is titled “When You Can’t Make Sense of Devastation.” I felt like the Lord had just sat down right next to me and said “hey girl, let’s talk!”
So much has happened in the past few weeks…first the stool and my foot, then hearing that a friend lost her husband in a freaky accident, then having issues with a credit card, hobbling around like a 90 year old woman for the past two and a half weeks, moving into a new house at work, dealing with kids who are hurting, who are dealing with so many changes and even though the changes are for their good they still sting, they still hurt, they are still changes, meeting new house parents (which we are thankful to have a full team in Sammy House) it’s still another change, new admissions and another move by another boy bringing to 10 boys in our Sammy House!!! Lord, where is the little girl I so desperately want??? Covid is on the rise, Afghanistan is being devastated, I’ve been battling bronchitis and dany my foot hurts and my little home on wheels is cluttered and messy and, and, and, and…So much has been going on YET the Lord met me right where I am today, in this moment!!!
From the devotion this morning: our grief looks the same. We’re deep in ash and dust and we can’t make sense of it, sense of God. Maybe it even feels like our faith is out there in the ash heap with everything else. (Just what I shared with a friend earlier this week!) In 2 Kings 25:27-30 I am reminded that no matter how bleak the circumstances, hope is never lost. God does not abandon His people or His promises. God doesn’t abandon me!!! Instead we are told, “in the midst of devastation, look for the small mercies” they are there!!! For me, this week has been a week of rest, lots of naps, not a lot of walking!! If we didn’t work our 7/7 schedule who knows what my foot would look like or feel like?
“Loss is not where I find peace.” God is holy, His ways and thoughts are beyond our comprehension. It’s not when I’m hurting that I find peace…it is in the love of God and those around me that I find peace. Loss of being able to be up and about, loss of doing…the peace comes from BEing (thanks for the reminder Charles), just resting in God’s love, resting in the care of Ron’s love and care of me.
And “we have been raised to a living hope and all of God’s promises are secure.” And my hope is in the Lord!! It’s not in what I have or what I do…it’s in the Lord…the Lord gives me hope for each new day. And my mind keeps going back to “loss is not where I find peace.” This past week is full of memories, some horrible and sad memories but when I step out and look at what has happened since the circumstances of those memories I am filled with peace, love and joy…and maybe that’s what the past few weeks have been for me…look at the hard stuff but celebrate the good things!!!
Hard stuff ~ 44 years ago we lost a precious baby boy…Royce is always near in my heart, even though I know the truth about his death, it still stings 44 years later BUT, BUT, the joy of the past 44 years…seeing Jamie become the man he has become, the loving husband and father, the good worker and caretaker of his wife and daughter!!! Who would have thought 44 years ago that that little 3 lb 12 oz baby boy would grow up to be a wonderful son, who calls us way more than we ever called our parents, a loving husband who encourages his wife to grow and be strong in her own right, a daddy who works hard to give his daughter all that she needs to live a full life…that’s the good stuff!!!
And even though I joke with our boys about following the rules…I’m so thankful for Brandon and his sweet family. For Max, becoming our first grandchild on 8/11 – taking a hard day and giving us a day to celebrate! Celebrate our Marine!!! A young man who loves our country, loves his family, spends time with his Grammy & Grandpa when he could be off hanging with his sweet girlfriend!!!
I just want to shout “Thank you Lord for the hard days, for the hard stuff because it lets me celebrate the good things, the blessings you have shown me!!!”
I have much to be thankful for and I truly am!!!