Thinking and Reflecting

I woke up this morning thinking of a woman who I haven’t thought of in years…her name was heavy on my heart. I prayed for her and for whatever situation she is in right this minute and I sent an email to some mutual friends to see if they have had contact with her and also caught them up on us and where we are and what we are doing.

I then spent some time on Facebook and then picked up a journal from Spring 2016…I want to take all my handwritten journals and put them on the computer ~ well that’s what I think I want to do ~ anyway, I opened the journal…it’s called Every Day Blessings. I opened it to the second entry, 4.10.2016…my weight is the same as it was five years ago…guess that’s good at least I haven’t gotten any fatter!!!

The first line I wrote: “Once again it has been over a month since I have picked up my Bible and spent any quality time writing” nothing seems to have changed much though I do get into the Word about every two or three days now…OH NO, I just admitted I don’t read my Bible every day!!! Farther into my writing that day I wrote “I feel like I have so much to do and yet seem to have no time to do anything, working long hours, feeling tired all the time and just wanting to relax after work. I have paperwork to do, house to clean, laundry to do, things to organize, commitments I make and yet I seem to fall short at getting things done, even at work, projects on top of projects yet it seems I am always behind. I know I am an organized person or can be ~ yet it seems I am always falling short.”

Though the situation has changed…we were co-managers at an Over 55 community and now we are house parents at a teen shelter, we worked 5 days a week with two days off and now we work 7 days on/7 days off…it seems like I am always playing catch up or feeling like I have so much to do and no time to do what I want…but that isn’t exactly true…I have found we make time for what we do want to do and push aside the things we say we want to do but don’t do.

What I do know is different is my attitude towards life…I used to be so negative and angry at the world. Just the other night one of the kids asked if we had any pictures of us when we were younger. So we got out the laptop (Ron has scanned most of all our pictures and we have them on our laptop!) and we started looking at pictures. R made the comment “Ms Ali you looked so old and angry back then … she was referring to pictures taken between 1975 and 2000…and now you look so young… how can that be as I’m 63 years old now??? And you look so peaceful and happy. A few minutes later in the conversation she said, I know what it is…you look so soft and at peace!

And that is what is different…I am no longer the angry at the world person, looking to blame others for all that is wrong…I look for the good and see how God has blessed us. Another conversation we had this past week was with friends who showed up at our hotel room the other night. (We were staying at a hotel since we didn’t have water at the trailer). The phone rang in our room and we were asked to come down to the lobby so Ron had gone down to see what the problem was…we thought it had to do with our bill as we had had a problem at check in. So Ron went downstairs and the next thing I know he is coming in the door of the room and saying “someone hit the truck and they are here.” My response was “oh no, we’ve only had it a couple of weeks” and then quickly saying don’t let them in I don’t have any pants on…remember we were relaxing in the hotel room LOL! and after I got my pants on I was being hugged by two friends…friends we hadn’t seen in over a year and they happened to be here in NC and had stalked us (via Facebook) to surprise us!! And then our friend laughed and said “Ali you were so calm when Ron said someone had hit the truck. We thought for sure you would be screaming mad and all you said was “oh, it’s just a truck.” They were expecting the response to be what and how I had responded so often before…angry. Later at dinner we were chatting and he said I remember the last time we saw you, you were so anxious and everything seemed to set you off but you just laughed and was so calm even when you thought someone had just hit your brand new truck!

I replied, it’s all the Lord…HE has healed me from so much anger and anxiety. And I added “well I did do the work, but it was the love of the Lord and a hubby who showed me about unconditional love” that has taught me that life is too short to be angry and seeing only the negative in things. And life is so much better now…I am at peace and feel calmness most of the time.

And so reflecting this morning that though some things feel the same, I say statements that are the same in reality life is different…I am enjoying life and where we are. I love the JOB we have…being paid to stay home and be parents and caregivers and being an encourager to others and sharing that though things look bleak at times really life is good.

I’m not sure how to end this post, but Ron is up now and so I will get off the computer and get onto doing what we need to do today…being together and enjoying each other’s company and just relaxing enjoying our little home on wheels.

*****
What are you doing for yourself today?
What brings a smile to your face today?
What brings a smile to your heart?