Jumbled Mess

That’s me right now…I feel like my mind doesn’t stay focused and jumbles it way around the room or in this case my head and heart. A friend had posted one of those pictures with a zillion words and it said the first three you see is what/where you are.

My words were: Creation, Gratitude, Connection

Creation didn’t really resonate with me though I guess I am creating things being a House Parent…trying to create healthy and happy young people. Though right now two of our three kidlets are not happy little things: one is mad at me because I told them they needed to clean their bedroom and get rid of the garbage that keeps piling up in their room. Another one is mad at me because I called them in from outside to pick up all their toys and blankets which they had said they had already picked up. One is laying on the floor by the sliding glass door watching the mama bird feeding the little babies in their nest which is at the top center of our house eave.

So I ask myself…what am I creating? Not really sure of the answer to that question.

Gratitude…I try real hard to be thankful for the many blessings in my life. And there are many…a husband who is cancer free, a husband who loves and sometimes I wonder why??? Two healthy son’s, they are each married to wonderful women and between the two of them we have been blessed with five grandchildren.

I am thankful for our jobs, even on the hard days and lately there seems to be many of them. We have money to pay all our bills, to go to Sonics to get a slushy when we want one…just yesterday in fact and was I surprised when I ordered five of them and the bill was less that $5—didn’t know it was happy hour and it was buy one get one free!!! We have plenty of groceries and don’t worry about where the money will come from to buy more when we need it. We buy fresh fruit because we can, in fact we are having watermelon with our dinner this evening. There are so many things to be thankful for and I am reminded I am blessed beyond measure…I say that because I can’t list everything for which I am blessed…too many too count!!!

Connection…that jumped out at me because I am feeling a lack of connection. I don’t feel connected with friends…people I have known for many years and have lots in common but yet feeling so disconnected. With some family members…feeling like I have to watch what I say and how I say it lest I offend someone.

I shared with a friend the other day about how frustrated I am with Facebook right now…it seems everyone is looking for the negative, searching to find things to disagree over instead of loving and encouraging one another. And then I stop and look at myself…if I am seeing those things in others I am probably doing the same…and seeing the negative in things just tears me down, helps my depression to rear its ugly head and then I go down the slippery slope…maybe not as far as in years past but still down it a bit. And that’s not good for me or for anyone else for that matter.

I’m struggling with my grumpiness right now and when I hear one of my kidlets say “I’m not going to ask XXXX because I don’t want you to get mad.” I know my grumpiness is out of control. And that is not good. I am reminded of something that was shared with us many years ago when we worked at Astor House in Newberg, OR

Our Residents do not live in our | Sticker wall art, Vinyl wall ...

And this is true for our kidlets…this is their home, we work in their home, we have our own home to go into…and my job is to make their home a happy and healthy place for them to live.

Oh how I needed this reminder today!!! Lord forgive me for being so grumpy with these precious little ones. Help me to love them the way you, Abba Father love me! Jesus you love the little children…help me to love them too!!!

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Ali & Ron

Christ loving, fun making, traveling couple of 44+ years. Also known as Grandpa & Grammy!!

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