Pondering….Part I

As I sit here in the quiet of the wee early  hours of the morning with just the hum of the fan, the lights around the shade shack and soft glow of the moon my mind wanders over what has transpired in our lives over the past six weeks.
YES we are grateful and thankful,
but sometimes the raw emotions just come flowing through
Can it only be six weeks?  It seems like so much has happened and that the roller coaster of life has taken us on a spin making us wonder what is going to happen today, what news will we hear, how do we respond, how will others respond.
55 days since the lump was found
77 days we have been gate guarding
68 days to go before we leave on a time of renewal and reuniting with friends and family, seeing parts of the US never seen before (at least by us)
when you say it in days ~ it seems like a long time
five and a half weeks
doesn’t sound too much
one and a half months, seems even shorter
but it has been a lifetime
in those 55 days
Ron found a lump in his left breast,
all by sitting with his arms crossed across his chest.
He didn’t say anything for 24 hours ~
out of fear, thinking it might go away,
one of his sisters had been diagnosed with breast cancer in the last two years,
his dad and all of his uncles on his dad’s side have had some form of cancer,
his mom and many of her siblings,
two cousins, one on each side of his family
…does he have cancer?
…why him??  why us??
haven’t we dealt with enough crap in our lives
BUT then I find myself asking
why not him?
why not us?
why should life’s struggles not be a part of us
God doesn’t tell us that life will always be a bowl of cherries (thanks Erma Bombeck)
but wait, there are pits in those cherries along with that sweet delightful taste
so why not him? why not us?
so we began the journey of finding out just what was this lump ~~
there were ultrasounds and mammograms,
more ultrasounds and more mammograms,
and waiting, lots of waiting
and then the call with the diagnosis
Yes, Ron had breast cancer
(remember men do get breast cancer ~ surprisingly another man in the community was diagnosed the same time as Ron ~ two men out of the thousands that live in the Permian Basin of Texas)
meeting with the surgeon,
setting a date for surgery,
telling family ~ how do you tell your two boys, who are men in their own right, that their dad has breast cancer?  how do you soften the blow?
you don’t ~ you just say it
and then you wait for the silence,
no one knows what to say, so there is silence
and lots of nervous laughter
Ron has always told me that I am “special”
well now I get to tell him he’s “special” too!!
and then we have to let the rest of the family know,
and then our friends and friends we call framily (more than friends but not blood relatives ~ you know who you are)
sounds of silence then words of concern,
sounds of silence then words of comfort,
sounds of silence then offers of help,
“let us know if you need anything”
“call if you need to talk”
“we are here if you need me/us”
then reality hits…
finances…we have no insurance, where is the money going to come from to pay for ultrasounds ($1250 each time)
mammogram ($250 each time)
biopsy (don’t know how much ~ and Pink the Basin has covered most of it ~ thank you to those who donate to this organization here in Texas)
doctor’s appointments ($125 here, $200 there, $383 over there with more to come)
pre-op tests
genetic testing ~ recommended by the surgeon and the oncologist ($750 total to have the test taken, run and read)
surgery (was told to expect $10 to $15K, now we are seeing it might be $20K or more)
follow up appointments with the surgeon, the oncologist, more labs
…wondering when will it end???….
So we do something we don’t want to do,
that is against our nature, aren’t we the ones to help others, but we find ourselves having to …
through mightycause.com
and PayPal
and we ask friends for help,
and we have heard from some,
$1683 has been donated to help with 
Ron’s medical bills
and we are so thankful,
words can’t express how thankful we are

1 thought on “Pondering….Part I”

  1. Oh Alice!Just doesn’t seem fair or right for you both to face so many trials, but amazingly you continue to stay close to the Lord and inspire us all.

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