Sometimes I find myself questioning what I am doing ~ I believe we are where God wants us to be ~ House Parents here at the Methodist Boys Ranch yet then my mind begins to wander and wonder if we should be somewhere else? Doing something else? Seeing only the negative and not acknowledging the positive ~ the positive in “our boys” lives, in our own lives and truly enjoying being in the moment and loving life.
Doing that causes a lot of anxiety in my heart, in my relationships, in my outlook of life and my roles/responsibilities as a wife, mom, house parent, woman, grammy and friend.
And then I question, question the little things, question the big things, question Ron and question God.
The last few months I have questioned so much and found myself doing things my way and leaving God out of the equation. This past week while we have been off God has really been challenging me in my thinking, in my actions, in my thoughts and words.
I have been wondering what do I want to be doing? What should I be doing? Where should I be doing it at? How do I not lose myself doing for others. Our work here at the Boys Ranch is filled with lots of change: day to day and over the long term. Overall I would say most of our time here is positive but when it is hard/difficult it is really hard/difficult. And that is when the questions really rise in our hearts and mind.
Our work schedule is great as we work 7.5 days, off 6.5 days. During our off time we have the time and freedom to travel to see friends, family and checking out new places. And most of the time working those 7.5 days seem to go pretty fast. Sometimes though some days seem to drag on and on; for instance last week it felt like we had two Sundays, two Mondays, two Tuesdays and Wednesday would never get here. It is those weeks when we seem to do a lot of sleeping, resting, vegging and zoning out and that is exactly how this week went.
And that’s why I think God chose this week to
in my thinking,
in what I do
and what do I want to do,
what do I want in my life,
what legacy do I want to leave for my children and grandchildren.
And then I got a
from a friend I haven’t talked to in over a year
that she wanted to chat with me.
So we set a time and date
and we chatted via Zoom (like Skype)
for an hour and a half!!!
It was good to hear from her,
see her smiling face
We shared about what we are doing, what she is doing,
things in the past, discussed future plans and ideas
and when I hung up
I heard the Lord say
“So are you going to just
keep floating along
or are you going to accept the challenge
to do something?
to do what your passion is?
to follow where the Lord has opened windows?”