In Shock!

I am sitting here in disbelief!!!
Before we left Oregon I had my A1C down to 7.7
not great but not bad.
Some of you are probably asking 
What is A1C?
In layman’s term it is the average of my blood sugars
for the past three months.
So today I got the results from  last week’s A1C test
10.0!!!
Yes, 10.0 ~ I could not believe it. 
It has not been this high in years,
in fact, in 1995 when I was diagnosed it was a 12.6!!!
This explains why I am so dang tired all the time!!!
I really thought it would be about 8.0 to 8.5
but 
10.0!!!
I know that part of the problem is 
what meals are served here at The Ranch ~
Lunch today consisted of a Patty Melt on Texas toast, 
deep fried pickles, breaded cheddar cheese bites and jalapeno poppers.
I had the Patty Melt, one jalapeno popper, 
one cheddar cheese bite and two fried pickles.
Dinner wasn’t much better ~ it was chicken pot pie (I ate the chicken insides, 
no crust), wild rice (I didn’t have any) and a piece of chocolate cream pie
and yes I ate that.
Most of the meals cooked here at the ranch are fried,
deep fried and include French fries, fried chicken,
corn in all forms, chicken fried steak w/gravy,
pancakes, lots of bread/biscuits,  bacon, sausage, 
gravy ~ you get the picture
Not healthy choices
but great for teenage boys!!
I am supposed to be working on reports
for the day
and yet I sit here
wondering what the heck am I supposed to do.
My weight is down from when we left 
Oregon so that is a good thing.
But an A1C of 10.0
is NOT okay.
Would appreciate prayers
as Ron and I come up with an 
healthy eating plan
and 
quickly!!!
The week we are on duty we are expected
to eat family style with the boys ~
in the dining hall
the food that is prepared.
I have got to come up with some alternative
meals that are easy and quick to fix
(I don’t have time to be in the apartment
once our day has begun)
and that can travel easily.
I am in shock 
and just shaking my head.  

And the Journey Continues

I am so 
for 
who know me well
and 
love me 
enough
to tell me the hard things.
I know that so often my emotions
like to run away
like a deer being spooked.
After a few good talks, emails,
chats and especially time with the Lord
my spirit has calmed once again.
Now looking forward to a couple of days off,
a couple of appointments for 
Isn’t he a cute Santa?
And time with friends.
Can’t believe we are close to celebrating 41 years
of marriage!!  How can that be???
(will write more about that later)

It Doesn’t Really Matter

It Doesn’t Really Matter
~ it doesn’t matter how hard I try
I FAIL
~ it doesn’t matter what you do for others
IT’S NEVER ENOUGH
~ it doesn’t matter 
~ it plain doesn’t matter
And I am
DONE!!!
I am done trying to be strong
I am done trying to give the benefit of the doubt
I am done trying to follow the rules
WHY should I try to follow the rules ~
no one is held to the rules,
consequences are not given,
told one thing but then another happens or doesn’t happen
I AM DONE!!!
You want a robot,
you got one
You want a BITCH
you have one
Ask politely someone to turn the TV down
get told IT IT – Hell I can’t even hear myself think
Yes, I am pissed and I don’t care who knows it
I am told I am not fair
HELL, LIFE IS NOT FAIR
Why have rules and expectations
It doesn’t really matter
Do as you please, there will be no consequences
Oh how I could write more
but really what does it matter
Nothing will change
the game is bide my time,
let the chips fall where they may
guess when real life
kicks you in the ass
then you might pay attention.
I might be paying attention sooner than later!!!!!!!!!!!!