As I Sit Here…

I woke up at 4:20 with a start.
Tried to go back to sleep but after tossing and turning for a bit just decided to get up.  I opened up my computer and there was a message from a friend I have known on Facebook for a few years.  Our common ground was living in our motor homes/rigs and workamping around the US.  We have never met in person but have encouraged and cheered for each other from afar.  
This morning her note to me was one of encouragement, reminding me I am not alone and to just keep moving and putting one foot in front of the other.  That others have been in similar situations as we find ourselves in right now and like them we will get to the other side.  I am trying to summarize it here but I think you get the drift of what she wrote.
Thank you dear friend, I feel encouraged and know that you are there to walk beside me, encourage me and remind me often that we will get through this.
When I woke with a start this morning I just wanted to cry out “Lord, what are we going to do????” and after reading R’s note I was still feeling those words pounding through my throat so I looked to Google Images (what did we do before Google?) and found the picture above and it says just what I am thinking.
I KNOW the Lord is with me and that I am not alone, besides God on my side,  my best friend in the whole world, the one person who loves me more than any other is in this with me too ~ Ron!!!  I know he has his own thoughts, lots of things on his plate ~ health issues of family members, our work situation, his own health, my health and you know ~ all the life stuff that just goes along with being alive.
And not only my husband is on my side, standing right with me – we are blessed to have some truly awesome friends who have stuck with us through the thick and thin.  
For me right now right here is the unknown
~ where are we going to live?
~ how are we going to pay our bills?
~ what are we going to do with all our stuff YES we have more stuff, how in the world do we accumulate so much stuff???
I have been thinking, figuring, thinking some more ~ 
if we had ??? then we could do ???
if ??? then ???
and truly right now I can only see our immediate needs…
…and the fears rearing their ugly head.
Me, who I am wants to scream and say 
“we need help ~ won’t someone help us?”
but then everyone needs something and there isn’t a fairy godmother who is going to send me what I think we need.  And the panic begins to rise in my throat, the feeling of desperation rearing its ugly head, the anxiety climbs slowly at first and then wham it is in my throat
I cry out to God
Lord, calm my panic,
help me to breathe,
remind myself we have not ever missed a meal (you know the important stuff) and we have never been just left standing in the middle of the road with absolutely nothing.
And then I search on Google again ~
And that is the bottom line ~
God Loves Me
is always with me
HE has never failed me yet
I don’t expect him to now.

So though my mind is racing,
I have lots to do
I know I just need to take one step at a time,
one foot in front of the other,
keep trusting Him,
loving as God loves me
and know that things will work out.

Well it’s now almost 5:30 and I need to get started on my day.
So for today I will put one foot in front of the other,
go to the office and do what needs to be done,
love on our residents,
seek guidance on what the next step should be,
work with a smile
and get through the day,
knowing come 3:30 (or there abouts)
I can come home and snuggle on the couch with my sweetie
and then come up with a plan,
that may be right, may be wrong,
may be full of holes,
but no matter what
in the end
what matters
is that

and HE surely won’t start today.

And hey, living in our car together wouldn’t be the worse thing ever!!

So here I go!!!!

6 thoughts on “As I Sit Here…”

  1. You're always so encouraging Ali, and I'm amazed at how you continue to encourage me to not give up even when you feel like you're falling apart yourself. I love you gf. Praying for you.

  2. May it be Your will, Lord my God, to lead Ali and Ron on the way of peace and guide and direct their steps in peace, so that You will bring them happily to their destination, safe and sound. Save them from danger on the way. Give them good grace, kindness and favor in both Your eyes and in the eyes of all whom they may meet. Hear this my prayer, for you are a God who hears to the heart's supplication and communion. Blessed are You, Lord our God, who hears prayer.

  3. You continue to touch my heart and inspire me. Your faith and strength in God always wins out. I think of our history and all the days we shared with laughter, some tears and joy. So many crazy times but always turned out with Him leading us. Only God knows what our future will bring. I feel He has amazing things in store for you. Love you and prayers being said daily for you both.

  4. Ali, When I've been in similarly frightening institutions I try to remember this is a close to HELL as I will ever get. For this unsaved this is as close to Heaven as they will ever get. No matter how bad my circumstances seem to be, God's there to hold my hand and walk the path way with me as long as I can walk. When I can't walk anymore he will carry me.

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