Remembering, Thinking and Wondering

36 years ago today we buried our sweet precious Royce Alan.  He was only here with us for a few short days, 72 hours..not long enough.  Many times today found both Ron and I close to tears, hugging each other and tears flowing freely. 
We talked about taking off about 4 p.m. and going to get some balloons and letting them go down by Table Rock Lake.  Before we knew it, it was already 5 p.m.
We headed out go to get balloons but decided as late as it was we should get something to eat so we decided to go to 
for a drink and  an appetizer.  
Ron had a beer and I had a cranberry juice with raspberry vodka and we shared a sampler appetizer plate that came with two little burger sliders (mine had bacon & cheddar cheese AND Ron had pepperjack cheese) they were pretty tasty, also included on the plate were deep fried green beans and fries with bacon & cheese…it was nice to sit, sharing some tasty food and talking about our boys.  All of them…Peter Edward Theodore who we lost at 21 1/2 weeks in utero,  Royce Alan who lived three short days and died from neonatal sepsis and a Class D infection, later finding out that half his brain had not developed, and Ronald James, Jr. and Brandon Michael.  Sharing some fun memories, sad memories and then got a text from Brandon and a phone call from Jamie…so thankful we are a part of their lives and they us.
And how blessed we are: both Jamie & Brandon are healthy, strong young men, each with their own sweet wife (we love our daughters-in-love Suzanne & Danalyn and are so thankful for them and who they are as individuals, wives and mommy’s) and then our grandchildren…missing Emerald & Tory, our little angels in heaven and then our five grandchildren…Max who we can’t believe will be in high school this year, Opal & Christopher both starting kindergarten this year, Treyson who is trying hard to be a big boy like his brothers and yet in some ways is still a toddler and then Alexander, hard to believe he is already seven months old and growing like a weed…so thankful that our grandchildren are healthy and bring such love and joy to their parents and all their grandparents.
We then headed to Dollar Tree to get some balloons…we wanted one mylar balloon and four white ones…but they did not have any regular latex balloons so we picked out five ballooons
 We love & miss you Royce and today is for you.
 Thinking of Brandon and his sport loving family and wondering if Royce would have played sports.
 Thinking of Jamie & Suzanne and their girls, Opal & Emerald and wondering if Royce would be married and have children of his own.
 Ron liked this…reminded us of the blue blanket & giraffe we tucked in with Royce when we said our final good-byes all those years ago.
And a silver one reflecting all our love for Royce, Jamie, Brandon and our whole family.
We went to the park where the river runs through and made our way down here

This little cove is so pretty and the water was rushing pretty quickly past.
I have always liked to be around water whether it be a lake, a river or the ocean as it is so peaceful.  And many times over the past 36 years we have made our way to find a place to let balloons go, go way up in the sky…but today would be different.
As we stood by the water 
we were swarmed by the mosquitos
and they were having a delightful dinner 
and it didn’t feel very good to us so it was time to let the balloons go, go, go 
but they ended up here
 they got caught in the trees
 and while trying to grab the strings they got stuck in the tree
all five of them
and then the strings were too high for us to grab.
The ribbons sure look pretty and the wind was blowing a little bit
so we hope they made their way out into the open skies
as we made our way back to the Jeep
slapping at ourselves to kill those pesky mosquitoes
laughing and crying
thinking that our plan didn’t exactly turn out the way we thought they would
and then realizing today is really no different than our lives
thinking and planning how we want things to turn out
but then seeing that sometimes things turn out differently than we anticipated
but through it all
God has been right here with us
every step of the way.
And believing that even though some days are hard that God works everything to good
and He knows what we need even if we think differently.
Though I may wonder why certain things happen and other things don’t through it all 
God is Good..All the Time!!!
And though my heart is filled with sadness as I reflect back 36 years it is also filled with joy and blessings and is reflected in Jamie & Brandon 
and their families
and the strength of our marriage…38 years this coming December
and I can say without a doubt

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