7/13 ~ Rambling on…

Logos.com

I have much on my mind and heart today and just don’t know where or how to put it all into words. The verse above is a reminder to me to just do good, one step at a time, moving one foot forward and trusting the Lord through each moment.

Psalms 37:23-24 | Scripture Pictures by Verse | Amazing Facts

Another devotion this morning reminded me that God knows each step I have taken, each step I am taking and each step I will take. Step is another word for decision…we make constant decisions each and every day and my goal is to try to do what the Lord would have me to do…to love one another.

Even when I don’t understand the reason for something I need to cling to and ……

8/18…another post I had started and didn’t finish for who knows why….just putting it out there….

Began 8/5…Thinking…

I feel … I don’t know how I feel…I wrote this on August 3:
Do you ever just want to say “Hush Up” to everything and every one!! I sure do today. And nothing has happened, just tired of all the crap going on in my world and our world….what happened to just being kind, treating people the way you wanted to be treated, being forthcoming instead of beating around the bush, being honest. We spent the last six days just resting and relaxing…not a single headache…I have been at work for three hours and 10 minutes and my head is killing me!!! Kids are not the issue, co-workers are not the issue, just a feeling of restlessness and feeling the urge to do something but what the heck to do…who knows???

And shared this last night:
I’m just so friggin tired of everything. Taking a break from Facebook.

I’m not sleeping well…lots on my mind:
Changes…sometimes are exciting, sometimes scary

Dreams…with people I haven’t seen or talked to in years: previous co-workers who I thought were friends and yet turned against me. I woke up this morning asking “how come people turn on me?”

I’m doing some heavy thinking…this is part of what I shared with my boss yesterday~

Last night when we retired to our apartment Ron and I were talking.  Needless to say my anxiety flared…so many questions, who has the answers and being Ron when he laid down he was out like a light switch.  Me on the other hand could not shut down my brain.  I played some games on my phone, played some worship music and then decided to pray…that usually helps me to fall asleep…but it didn’t.  I even thought I heard someone knock on our apartment door 😮 so I got up, nope no one there.  Went back to bed and prayed some more and finally fell asleep about 3:30 this morning.  Thankfully Ron let me sleep until I woke up on my own at 8:09a.

But when I woke up I felt this calmness and started giving thanks to God for the rest I did get, the calmness in my spirit and as I was doing my morning routine I felt God talking to me…Do you trust Me?  YES!  Have I ever failed you?  NO!  Then trust ME…everything will be okay, you don’t need a ton of information you (me) just need to do what I have put you here to do…love on these kids for the time I have given them to you.  Okay Lord BUT WHAT IF…and I felt God put his hand out to stop me…just trust ME…and everything will be okay.  Do what you need to do and I will provide for you.


I found myself sitting on my bed just remembering many times when I have felt anxious/uncertainty and seeing/reflecting on how God has always provided.  I shared with Ron my time with the Lord this morning and we both feel like we are to just do what we need to be doing and to continue to trust the Lord.  Yes we still have questions and wonder what is all going on but neither of us are feeling anxious this morning…we are in the place where the Lord wants us and look (with wondering eyes) at what and how the Lord is working.  

All this to say…just keep trusting the Lord, we may not know what He has in store for us but we do know that He has never failed us!  So keep marching towards Zion!!

Today ~ I tossed and turned from 4:30a on…finally got out of bed about 7:15. After doing what I needed to do to be ready for the day I opened my devotional “90 Days of Faith, Hope and Courage” and this is what was written:


So much has happened in our lives in the last 30 days, kidlets moved…yes we are doing foster care, yes we know we only have the kidlets for a time, yes we bond with them ~ how could we not, yes we love them and yes sometimes they drive us crazy YET it is hard to say good~bye. I remember my Dad saying “don’t say good~bye, say see~you~later.” But this time we know its good~bye till we meet again in heaven and it’s just plain hard.

Yes we got two new kids: a 6th grader and 12th grader. Older kids are different then little’s. They don’t need so much hands on but at times they are no different then the little’s when they have a hard day. A hard day whether from their own doing or circumstances of life.

We worked 20 days straight due to what was happening with the kidlets and the big kids and then we had six days off…went to our favorite place to camp locally ~ Colorado River Thousand Trails…just about 90 minutes from Yoakum. We spent time swimming, went for a drive, chatted with neighbors and binged watched “Person of Interest.” Oh and we slept. But there still seemed to be angst and anxiety.

Yesterday morning, while chatting with Ron we think we finally figured out what was going on with us…we lost three little’s whom we loved a lot. Normally there would be time to grieve and adjust to the loss but that didn’t happen as we got two new kids the Wednesday before the little’s left. Therefore we didn’t get the chance to grieve for the kids we said good~bye to as we had to immediately help the two new ones adjust to our home. SO TRUE!!!!

On top of the little’s moving on how it was handled was difficult. Yes we are fluid and flexible and change is the only thing that is constant and we expect change but when you are dealing with kids who have had more change and trauma in their life one of the things they needs is a good transition. We were informed the children were due to leave on Sunday afternoon but after watching another child who had the same case worker, transition be moved from one day to another to another to another I kept saying that the little’s would be moved earlier and without warning. And that is what happened. And that is what is hard. We had planned a couple of last activities with the little’s ~ they were excited, we were excited and just like a wave in the wind…without thought of what the little’s were dealing with we had less than four hours notice of when the little’s were moving on.

Yes, we are fluid and flexible but knowing transitions are hard for a lot of people and especially children who have had lots of trauma in their lives…transitions are even harder. So plans were dismissed, a few quick prayers, lots of tears and the kidlets were gone. Just poof!!!

8/18…started this post 13 days ago…and got waylaid….this morning is a new day…so I will just leave this right here. Just to have as a reminder of where I was 13 days ago.

Perfect Timing!

AGAIN, God’s timing is perfect. This week is a season of change for many here at the ranch. Tension is high, stress is rampant, kidlets and HP’s feel it in the air. Yet God keeps reminding us that PEACE is the answer. Even with all the stressors there is Peace in our home, lots of laughter even among some tears. God continues to show us HIS love and we continue to show HIS love to our kidlets.

This verse is from my devotional this morning.

Jumbled Mess

That’s me right now…I feel like my mind doesn’t stay focused and jumbles it way around the room or in this case my head and heart. A friend had posted one of those pictures with a zillion words and it said the first three you see is what/where you are.

My words were: Creation, Gratitude, Connection

Creation didn’t really resonate with me though I guess I am creating things being a House Parent…trying to create healthy and happy young people. Though right now two of our three kidlets are not happy little things: one is mad at me because I told them they needed to clean their bedroom and get rid of the garbage that keeps piling up in their room. Another one is mad at me because I called them in from outside to pick up all their toys and blankets which they had said they had already picked up. One is laying on the floor by the sliding glass door watching the mama bird feeding the little babies in their nest which is at the top center of our house eave.

So I ask myself…what am I creating? Not really sure of the answer to that question.

Gratitude…I try real hard to be thankful for the many blessings in my life. And there are many…a husband who is cancer free, a husband who loves and sometimes I wonder why??? Two healthy son’s, they are each married to wonderful women and between the two of them we have been blessed with five grandchildren.

I am thankful for our jobs, even on the hard days and lately there seems to be many of them. We have money to pay all our bills, to go to Sonics to get a slushy when we want one…just yesterday in fact and was I surprised when I ordered five of them and the bill was less that $5—didn’t know it was happy hour and it was buy one get one free!!! We have plenty of groceries and don’t worry about where the money will come from to buy more when we need it. We buy fresh fruit because we can, in fact we are having watermelon with our dinner this evening. There are so many things to be thankful for and I am reminded I am blessed beyond measure…I say that because I can’t list everything for which I am blessed…too many too count!!!

Connection…that jumped out at me because I am feeling a lack of connection. I don’t feel connected with friends…people I have known for many years and have lots in common but yet feeling so disconnected. With some family members…feeling like I have to watch what I say and how I say it lest I offend someone.

I shared with a friend the other day about how frustrated I am with Facebook right now…it seems everyone is looking for the negative, searching to find things to disagree over instead of loving and encouraging one another. And then I stop and look at myself…if I am seeing those things in others I am probably doing the same…and seeing the negative in things just tears me down, helps my depression to rear its ugly head and then I go down the slippery slope…maybe not as far as in years past but still down it a bit. And that’s not good for me or for anyone else for that matter.

I’m struggling with my grumpiness right now and when I hear one of my kidlets say “I’m not going to ask XXXX because I don’t want you to get mad.” I know my grumpiness is out of control. And that is not good. I am reminded of something that was shared with us many years ago when we worked at Astor House in Newberg, OR

Our Residents do not live in our | Sticker wall art, Vinyl wall ...

And this is true for our kidlets…this is their home, we work in their home, we have our own home to go into…and my job is to make their home a happy and healthy place for them to live.

Oh how I needed this reminder today!!! Lord forgive me for being so grumpy with these precious little ones. Help me to love them the way you, Abba Father love me! Jesus you love the little children…help me to love them too!!!

New Beginnings Continue

Isaiah 43:18-19 Let Go And Forget The Past — Tell the Lord Thank You

What a hard night…little one sleep walking, another had a nightmare, then the State Inspector showed up just after midnight…makes for both a long and short night. Thankful that Ron got up the third time and also let me sleep in this morning.

I keep hearing about “when we get back to normal” “when we can do just what we want”…normal…what is normal. There have been many times I have used the phrase “new normal” throughout my life…when my parents divorced, being married, losing a child, major moves, death of a family member, before cancer and surviving cancer and now this pandemic…all changes. All leading up to “new normal” but what is normal???

What I know is normal is change and the only constant is

Press Release | Change... Are You Ready to Embrace It? - NYU Stern

and

Jesus (2020) - IMDb

God is in control, always has been and always will be. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. And he will provide! He has always provided for us. We may have wondered where we were going to live, where we were going to work, where we were going to get groceries from

but

through it all…He has provided. He has protected us and I know and believe that will never change!

The verse from Isaiah this morning reminded me to keep my focus on what is important, be in the moment, keep moving forward and keep trusting.

I can’t go back and change the past but I can change how I react in the future thus changing my future. The other day while playing on her tablet our 11 year old said

Actions Speak Louder Than Words :"> - Home | Facebook

which has led to some good discussions with all three of our kidlets. Words are important. They can be used to say nice things and mean things. They can be truth or lies ~ but our actions say a whole lot more sometimes than our words.

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Are you careful about what words you say?

Catching Up

I’ve been pretty quiet the last few days…are you wondering why? I have been very under the weather…temps running 99.8 to 100.4 since Thursday. This morning it was 96.8!!! I was so excited. I have been hibernating in our apartment while Ron has been holding down the fort. I have gone into the main house when the kidlets were still in bed…setting up their homework and helping Ron figure out what to make for dinner. All through it all I have been so thankful for a wonderful partner…Ron Workentin is the best husband and daddy around.

I knew I was sick when I didn’t even have the energy to crochet…and if you know me, I love to crochet.

This morning I woke up feeling much better well except for having my earring stuck to my shirt. I gently got it out of my ear and then had Ron take it out of my shirt!!! Sometimes the littlest things are the big things!!!

Made myself a bowl of oatmeal and added some cinnamon to it…yummy. Then I turned on some worship music and paid bills…so thankful to have a laptop again…thank you sweet angels who gifted this to me…you are both a blessing to Ron and I and we are thankful to call you not only friends but family!!!!

I am so thankful that we don’t have to worry about our jobs. In fact, we are considered essential workers because we are foster parents. Ron and I talked about it…EVERY PARENT should be considered an essential worker!!! Without parents our kidlets would be lost!!!

And thankful for technology…was able to pay all our bills online, money is in the bank thanks to auto deposit.

Just so much to be thankful for. Even in the midst of so much uncertainty.

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What are you thankful for today?

Looking for the Good!!!

My friend, Cindy Leffel posted the following on her Facebook page:

Well gang, let’s make a huge list of things we can still do!
We can still pray, talk on the phone, write letters, love one another, text, clean house, do yard work, go outside, walk, run, water sports, read, bake bread, bike, be thankful for silly things like Facebook…

in response to school closings, events being cancelled and the fear that is running rampant through many people’s minds…AND it made me stop and think again of the things I am thankful for:

~ a job where I get to love on kidlets and don’t have to work a second job
~ an 8 year old boy who loves baseball and being part of a team
~ a son who travels the world for his work being “grounded” for a bit who gets to be home with his wife and boys and be the hands on daddy he is
~ a granddaughter who turned 12 this past month!! She is a fighter and has come such a long way from the little 1 lb 15 oz baby girl!!! She is a voracious reader and loves to draw and play with her dog, cats and bunnies.
~ a son who loves to be a daddy and is not just a father ~ do you know the difference?
~ thankful my hubby was only bruised up when he fell over some bikes while unloading scrap stuff and not seriously hurt
~ that my boss only has Flu A and not the coronavirus
~ for sunshine…the sun is shining more and more each day
~ that I have gone two days without taking a nap!!!
~ having plenty of food and toilet paper in our home 🙂

and the list goes on and on!!!

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What are you thankful for today?

What Did I Accomplish this Week?

This is the question raised in one of my groups this morning…Dana wrote: Y’all are amazing and have your talents in just about everything. What did you accomplish this week? Got out of bed every day, even when you didn’t feel like it? I know what a gargantuan task that can be at times. Finish a project? Achieve a goal? Start something new? Tell us and feel free to leave pictures and links!

I was going to reply not much and then thought this is a good question for me to address on a blog post…

What did I do this week ~ I am going to do Monday thru Friday:

  • I got up each morning, twice even before the alarm went off
  • Put two baby gifts in the mail (can’t post pictures yet as I don’t want to spoil the surprise)
  • Started working on a project for Pastor Charles
  • Worked on a dress for AS which I have ripped it out so many times I can’t count but now I think I have the pattern going the way I want
  • Made dinner for 10 Thursday night
  • Made dinner for our 3 kidlets, Ron & I four nights
  • Took my meds each day
  • Attended a staffing for our 3 kidlets
  • Talked to my boss 2x
  • Got kids to baseball and softball practice 3x
  • Walked the dog 3 out of the 5 days
  • Visited with our housekeeper and shared a new recipe with her
  • Had breakfast out with friends
  • Did my Weekly Log Notes
  • Ordered our granddaughter her birthday gifts…can’s believe she is going to be 12!!!
  • Did devotions 2 mornings
  • Cleaned off my desk
  • Didn’t lose my cool when the 11 year old refused to do her math test

And I also:

  • Ate too much junk food
  • Didn’t drink enough water each day
  • Whined a lot about a situation I have no control over

Yet I feel like I haven’t done much this week. And if I thought about it for a bit longer I have probably done a bit more..oh yes, 3 kids laundry, 3 loads of our laundry, ran the dishwasher a few times

YET I feel like I am not doing much of anything…just functioning and doing what needs to be done, what is required of me and I feel busy most of the time

I also questioned why I don’t eat the way I know I should even in the face of seeing a friend end up in the hospital because she hasn’t done what she needed to do in regards to taking care of her health and yet I still chose to have a donut for breakfast instead of making myself something healthy to eat.

And this tells me that even though I don’t think I’m depressed I think I am in a depression of some sorts and I hate that…I hate that I don’t love myself enough to take care of myself…another friend recommended a book that has helped her to acknowledge why she doesn’t do what she knows she should do and that in reading it it brought awareness to her being able to make changes in her life. I thought about Tom T and him saying Awareness + Contact = Change so I ordered the book ~ it should arrive on Tuesday. It is

I also realized that when I was focusing on the 5 Simple Habits each morning I was doing better

  • Start each morning with 2 minutes with God
  • Drink 8 oz of water first thing
  • Get moving ~ for me this is being consistent on walking Joey each morning
  • Eat a healthy breakfast
  • Breathe deep for 2 minutes

So once again I am going to get back on track with doing these 5 things each morning and get back into my morning routine…I KNOW that when I take care of me physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally I feel better about myself and how and why I live my life and make the choices I make.

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So that brings me to my question of the day ~ How or what do you do take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally?

Our Anniversary and a few other things!

I was looking at some of my previous blog posts and this one popped up…we have now been married 43+ years and yes we still laugh about my cold feet on our wedding night!!

Life with us ~ The Wandering Workentins

Monday, December 20th we celebrated 35 years of marriage.  We slept till about 8:30 a.m. and then we walked across the street for breakfast.  I had an omelet and Ron had his favorite, biscuits & gravy.  We enjoyed our time and then headed back to the tree lot.  I am so thankful for the man God gave me in my husband.  We have shared many journey’s.  We have had 33 different residences and almost as many cars.  We moved from Las Vegas, Nevada to The Netherlands and then back to Washington state.  Together we have traveled the states of Nevada, Arizona, California, Oregon, Washington, Utah, Montana and into British Columbia.  We are anticipating more travels in the years to come.

Ron & Alice celebrating 35 years of marriage.  Any tips on taking self portraits will be appreciated 🙂

I do have to share one memory that brings laughs to both…

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