Tuesday’s Thoughts ~

As I sit down to write, I have lots of thoughts running through my head…I just hope it all comes together and makes sense…LOL. Or is it going to be a conversation of rabbit trails? We will see.

Today began about 1:00a – why, because of multiple low blood sugar readings. In fact, 11 times between 1:13a and 7:34a the alarm went off to let me know my blood sugar was dropping.

I started using my Dexcom G7 on Thursday, August 24, 2023. It has been 41 days. I have mixed feelings about the Dexcom – I like being able to see what my Blood Glucose is at any given time. I don’t like the alarm going off multiple times in the night. I’ve chatted with my Bestie about the CGM – she keeps encouraging me to hang in there; look at the information I now have access to that I didn’t before. So the last two days I have been looking at my daily reports to see if I can figure what is going on and what is causing my lows. I wish I had an answer but I don’t. What I have thought is that who knows what my BG numbers had been doing prior to the wearing of the CGM. I had low BG’s, I would wake, maybe one night a week, sweating, shaky, unable to focus and I would check by doing a blood stick and usually the numbers were somewhere between 54 and 67.

So one conclusion I have come to is that my BG was probably dropping multiple times a night, I just didn’t know it. Now I do. Now I know though, when it begins to drop around 72-74. I’ve not had the heavy sweating, but the vision stuff is definitely an issue. Uncontrolled shaking is an issue…now I am just knowing sooner when my BG is dropping and before it gets to the extreme lows. And that awareness is a good thing!

Now I am on a journey to stop the lows from happening. Adjustments of my Toujeo (Basal or long lasting insulin) have been happening. As well I am trying to eat a snack of nuts and cheese before going to bed. And as Ron says, it is what it is and we will deal with each day as it comes.

As many of you know, I have battled depression and anxiety for way too many years – it’s a struggle I believe I will b fighting one way or another for the rest of my life.

Since moving here to Florida I have been able to connect with some ladies for a few different Bible studies…I did the Living a Chocolate life which met for eight weeks. What was confirmed for me during that study was that I do much better living each day when I begin each day in the Word and time in prayer. And then I did the 40 Days of Sugar Fasting with a small group of ladies. Our group has continued and we began by changing the name to Keep On Keeping On ~ we aren’t studying anything as a group but we are encouraging one another, praying for each other and reminding each other we just need to Keep On, Keeping On with loving and serving Jesus, remembering we are not alone in this journey called Life.

As I mentioned the other day, I am now involved in a ladies Bible study, Freedom. We meet on Thursday’s weekly. We are a group of eight ~ just the right size, not too big and not too small. On Tuesday’s, three of us get together to do a review of the previous week’s lesson and the upcoming lesson ~ it allows us to go a bit more deeper and challenge ourselves.

One thing that excites me with meeting with friends to do a bit more in-depth study is seeing how the Lord brings things together. Today, Poppa God brought things from the sermon we heard on Sunday: being in relationship not only with people but also with God is so important to our daily living. One of the examples that Pastor Joel used was he called his son up to the stage and asked him ~ how much do I love you?

And he opened his arms and said this much ~ meaning so much that it can’t be collected. He then asked him why does his dad love him – because you are my dad and I am your son and then Pastor Joel said, can’t you just see Jesus hanging on the cross with his arms stretched wide, showing us how much He loves us ~ He loves us so much he opened his arms and gave his life! He talked about how important relationships are, that yes we can survive being alone but when we are on relationship with one another, our love can grow and grow and spread one to another.

Last night I participated in one of my Facebook groups, Gathering of Nomads, for a time of sharing, learning about Jesus and His love for us. Pastor Shane shared from Matthew 4:18-22

The points that jumped out to me had to do with relationships ~ Jesus calls us to to be in relationship, to reach out to others (casting our nets), how we prepare for life and what is our purpose. Poppa God tells us our purpose is to share His love story, to be intentional, how He loves us and how we are to love one another. How do we prepare ~ we prepare our nets to cast them wide

Look closely at the net ~ it’s not just one thread, it’s multiple threads, intertwined together ~ sharing the job to gather together. Some of the questions that came up in discussion was : where does Poppa God want me to cast my net? is my casting of the net a hobby or something of importance and we were reminded that for most people today, fishing is a hobby, but in Jesus time, people fished to have sustenance to be able to live their daily life to the fullest – so the question stands…is my relationship with Jesus just to get my by or to sustain my life not only here on earth but to eternity. who is in my net? where do I cast my net? and what do I need to actively cast and secure my net?

The first thought that came to my mind as we were talking/sharing was “stop hibernating!” I need to cast my net with those who I meet in my day to day life and I can’t do that if I am hibernating in our little home on wheels that my net stays stagnant. How do I do that? By getting involved with others, by actively participating in Bible study, becoming a part of the community and sharing how God loves me with others. It’s easy for me to hibernate in my own little world. But I feel Poppa God saying to me “stop hibernating, you have much to share with others!”

And today while gathering with A & B, I shared what really stood out to me from this weeks lesson is right along with the sermon I heard on Sunday, the Gathering of Nomads last night and today’s study, which is titled “Who I Really Am: Steps to Forgiveness” all come together to remind me that “I am loved, I am valued and I am special just for being me” ~ I talked about questioning why is that so hard for me to say and believe? I think part of it is key to forgiveness ~ one of the statements that really resonated with me is “Forgiveness is about the judgement we hold against one another” whatever that looks like for each of us individually. That statement spoke volumes to me as my Dad came to mind and a situation where he lied in a court of law that had an outcome that was not favorable to me. I know what he said about why he lied and there s a lot of truth to his reason, does it make sense to me, not at all and yet I realized even though I have forgiven my dad for his lies, there is still hurt in my heart about it. Have I forgiven my dad, yes in many ways but today I realized there is still hurt there and so where Jesus says forgive seventy x seven I need to be honest with Jesus, confess I’m still holding on to some of that hurt and ask God to take the sting away. The prayer at the end of the lesson includes “thank you for not giving me what I deserve and GIVE me the strength to continue to peel the onion back and move forward in forgiveness.” I am reminded that Jesus loves me every single day and forgiveness is not a one and done act.

One of the things that jumped out at me is that we are each on our own journey, we each have dealt with things done to us or what we have done to others and that forgiveness is individual for each of us. And what I understand forgiveness to be and look like may, and probably is different for each of us and none are wrong as long as our relationship with Poppa God is right.

I guess what I want to say is remember forgiveness, the act of forgiving, the reason for forgiveness is one on one between each of us and Jesus.
I hope that all makes sense!!!

Another question asked in the Freedom study this week that has got my wheels spinning and turning the thinking wheels is “What is it that I need to believe for myself?” And as I stated above “I am loved, I am valued and I am special just for being me” and like I told my Bestie earlier today…as I keep my gratitude calendar I need to remind myself daily and repeat it daily ~ “I am loved and I am valued just for being me!”

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What do you need to believe for yourself?