Life marches on, every day, every hour, every minute. Sometimes I wish I could stop the clock…like this past Sunday while FaceTiming and watching the Seahawks game with our grandson. We laughed and cheered the Seahawks into a win over the Cowboys! It was definitely a fun time and I am thankful for technology that allows this Grammy to spend time with her grands even when they are 1500 miles away!!
And then there are days like today where I find myself looking for things to keep me grounded and centered. Today these two spoke to me…the first one was sent to me about a week ago by my bestie. And just like two weeks ago, it is right on the mark for where I am and where my mind and heart is.
and then this one:
Today has been a hard day yet I know that no matter what obstacles I face that I am never alone. And that God has never failed me!!! And when I do feel alone and I question whether anyone but me cares about XXXX that when I ask for prayer for something that many are there just to say a prayer for me. And for that I am truly thankful.
******** What are you thankful for today? What do you do to encourage yourself? Do you have a favorite scripture verse or saying that you like to repeat on those difficult days. ***********
And I thought about the many trips we have taken in our married life and how we have never been involved in a serious accident and how we always pray before we travel. And I thought of the song I Can Only Imagine Here is the link if you want to take a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU0MwNpRq6M and my thoughts went to wondering how hard would life be if we KNEW everything that was going to happen or even possibly happen.
Reflecting back to when Jamie was in Iraq ~ that was one of the hardest years I ever had ~ wondering, thinking that he would return with life changing injuries or worse, death. I am sad to say I didn’t handle myself in the best ways when he was over there because I did allow worry and fear to consume me. What I have learned and now truly believe fifteen years later is that it doesn’t pay to worry about something that I don’t have control over and to face life head on. Dealing with what is happening now, not worrying about tomorrow or next week or next year. Do I always remember that ~ nope, not at all and I have to be reminded to not borrow trouble, don’t focus on things that I can’t control.
And once again I was reminded of that in my devotion this morning.
Christ is always with me, he never sleeps, he is never too busy to listen when I cry out to him. He helps me, he guides me, he protects me, he watches over me and protects me. Does this mean I never have troubles or problems or issues ~ NO it means HE will never leave me, I am never alone.
As I shared with our foster daughter, A, yesterday after she had had a hard couple of days…things happen, that is life. It is how we respond and deal with things that matter. In her case, a blown front tire while driving down the road at 75 mph ~ Ron was a passenger in her car and he said she did great. She didn’t freak out, she moved off to the side of the road, she kept breathing. She did great! Yes it sucked since she had just paid $1500 to have her transmission fixed and now $130 for a new tire but she had the money in the bank to cover both expenses, no one was hurt, yes the car had some damage but it can be repaired and she got more hours to work to put more money back in her bank account. Frustrating things to deal with but nothing earth shattering or worth dying over. And then we laughed and said “welcome to adulthood sweet girl!”
So today I give thanks for the things we have ~ a good job, pretty healthy bodies, healthy kids and grands and give thanks that we woke up again this morning and have things to look forward to…seeing our son who we haven’t seen in over a year and then in two days, seeing our grandson as he prepares for a new journey in the military and most of all for the love of family and friends.
What are you thankful for today? What are you looking forward to?
Life has been tough! Life just seems to be ????? heck I can’t even think of a word to describe it ~ it just has been tough!!!
Someone asked me why I hadn’t written anything in awhile ~ I’ve been thinking about that and my first response is “I’m just tired.” And then I realized I am just tired of everything that seems so heavy, so negative, so stagnant. And then I ask WHY? What has changed in my life…and I reflect back to the middle of March 2020. My anxiety was high, we were preparing to travel for 5 days to go see Ron’s oncologist for his annual cancer check up. Hard to believe it had been two years since his surgery to remove the nasty C.
For the most part we don’t watch the news every day but since we would be traveling we were watching the weather reports and talk of Covid was beginning to run rampant. Yes it was scary, yes it is a nasty bug but life for us continued…we faced what we needed to face and put one foot in front of the other. Tensions were running high here in our home. The little’s were anxious about us being gone for 5 nights, we were anxious of what would the doctor’s find, we were concerned how the little’s would do. It was the beginning of Spring Break and we had had to change our plans from a camping trip to a doctor’s visit. And yet we still put one foot in front of the other.
The doctor’s appointments went well. Cancer is still gone. The only concern voiced was Ron’s weight…but that is nothing new; we have both battled being overweight for all of our adult lives. What a relief. We both commented that night as we laid in bed how relieved we each were, apologized to each other for our shortness with each other and planned a nice one last night out without little’s for our return to the ranch.
And then life threw a punch…quarantined to the ranch. By the time the kids went back to school it was 159 days from school day to school day. Yes, we got out a bit: took the kidlets to the drive thru Safari in San Antonio, only getting out of the truck to go to the restroom, we bought a little blow up pool and the kids had many “swim days” right here at home but for the most part it was Ron or I going to the grocery store or picking up the mail. Even trips to the office were cancelled unless absolutely necessary. Kids did counseling via Zoom, even did a couple of doctor appointments via Zoom ~ do you know how hard it is to keep a 5 year old engaged in a conversation with a face on the screen to be diagnosed and treated by a physician. In my opinion, it was pretty worthless.
Then unexpected changes happened, got new kids to our home due to staff changes. Little’s were moved to a foster adopt home, start to finish was less than four weeks, crazy times for sure, more schedule changes here at the ranch, rumors and anxiety flew at a rapid pace about the future of the ranch, our jobs and then we were scrambling to get the kid’s stuff for school not knowing, were they going in person or would it be remote. Our girl decided she was going to go to school ~ a good move for her as it got her out of the house, she gets to see friends and interact with others.
And then I realized through it all that my depression was lurking around every corner. Visually appearing as exhaustion, lots of exhaustion, absolutely no energy to do anything. Yes I kept cooking for the family, attended the necessary training’s for the job, did what needed to be done but my heart was not in it, I was and am just plain tired.
And yet, through it all I have kept moving forward, slower at times with lots of naps thrown in and yet I haven’t totally given up. Though at times I would like to crawl into my recliner, crochet and watch TV and hide and hibernate from all, and some days I did just that…I give myself kudos for not totally throwing in the towel.
And so today, I find myself asking what do I need to do to get out of this funk…to get energy back, to feel alive and not like a slug. So I did what I know to do. I opened my Bible for a short devotion yesterday and today and always, always God has met me where I am.
Yesterday my devotion was titled “Bountiful Benefits” and this morning was “Relief from Your Distress” ~ yes, Jesus met me right where I am…God accepts me right where I am and loves me unconditionally and I was reminded that God forgives, He heals, He encourages and I am good enough just the way I am AND I have much to be thankful for…family, friends (even though the circle has gotten smaller ~ I think more my choice than anything), a job that doesn’t really feel like a job most of the time, the ability to be with my hubby most all the time and even when he does something that drives me crazy or makes me want to slap the sh** out of him, I am thankful for Ron, for Ron’s love for me and the patience he shows me when I drive him crazy or ask for three kinds of ice cream on a rainy night when he really doesn’t want to go out but he goes to the store anyway. Yes I am blessed beyond measure.
I am encouraged to cry out to the Lord, to give thanks for everything, to keep on trusting Him and to know that
For my good! I may not understand the why’s or how come’s but I do know that I am never alone and that no matter what happens with our jobs, our living situation or ??? that God is in control and that no matter what happens today or tomorrow, in the end everything will work together for good!