Have You Ever?

Have you ever wanted to just throw up your hands and say “I give” or “I quit?”
That’s where I am right now.
Life seems so full of ups and downs and twisty curves.
I know 
and I believe it.
Though right now I am struggling.
I pray/we pray
we feel we are following the Lord’s plans
and yet 
right now 
I just want to scream 
“Lord what is going on?”
Feeling like we are being jerked around and around the mulberry bush.
Not sure who to trust,
not sure who we could call,
not sure who we can ask questions of
Right now, not sure of anything.

Beginning Again…

It seems I am always beginning again, starting over, taking the first step ~ you know the drill ~~ you get frustrated with something so you come up with a new plan.  It’s a new week or a new month ~~ you know you pick the day, you pick the plan, you set your goals and then you 
And that’s where I am today.
Starting a new race but this time it’s a marathon not a sprint.
I have to admit my life has gotten out of control again and again and now it’s time to change the course.
Today is a new day and once again, GOD met me right where I am!  
HE is so good about that.
I have been hitting and missing, missing more than hitting in my time with the Lord.  I let things get in the way, feeling like I have no time for me, so much on my plate and somehow God gets pushed aside.  Oh I pray, quick arrow prayers, as I am drifting off to sleep, when I’m in the shower but really spending time with the Lord ~ not so much lately.  
For the last week I have been putting things into place to get back on track, figured out an eating plan ~ hoping this time I can stick to it more than 5 days.  Found my devotional book that I am journaling in, bought the healthy foods and also good tasting foods ~ I know that’s hard to do sometimes ~ healthy foods that taste good.  I’ve had a few talks with Ron ~ I need his help on this journey.  And talking to the Lord.
I got up this morning and weighed ~ UGH not as high as I have been in the past but almost 3 lbs over my SCARY point!!!  But it is what it is.  I fixed a bottle of water ~ I know for me, if I have water in a bottle I am more likely to drink it throughout the day.  My goal is 100 oz a day – that equals four of my water bottles.  If I look at it as four instead of a 100 it feels more manageable.  
I gathered my Bible, my pens (those who know me, know I have special pens for everything!) and got comfy in my chair in my little corner.  And opened my Bible to my daily devotion.  Today it was Galations 3:21~26.  Jesus tells us that HE welcomes all who come to Him.  By faith if we trust in Him, He will always be with me and I will always be his daughter!!!  I belong to Him!!!
And the second part of the devotion was found in Mark 4:35~5:1.  As I read this passage the word that coming to mind was
Metanoia ~ I first heard of this word from Tom, one of my many therapists, in the late 1980’s ~ he told me it meant “turning around ~ purposefully changing course.”   I remember doing my first word study with this word ~ I just haven’t thought of it in a very long time. And yet it fits perfectly for today…today I start anew lifelong journey ~ and I know with the Lord’s help, the love and support of my family and friends 
I can succeed in this journey of getting healthy.
I have much to live for
and much to do!!!
Thank you Lord for all the encouraging signs you sent my way this morning.

Also this morning, my sweet adopted daughter, Sarah, posted this on my Facebook page

Now how perfect is this song ~ just another message from the Lord that HE has my back, he has my life in His hands, and he is in control of this ship!!!
Thank you Sarah for sharing with me what the Lord put on your heart this morning.

Help me to keep my focus on you, trusting you, leaning on you and knowing not only in my heart but also in my head or is it not only in my head but also in my heart 

And thank you Lord for a loving and caring husband, 
who has shown me what true unconditional love is all about!!!

Sometimes I just want to SCREAM!!

Sometimes I just want to SCREAM!!!
It seems like everytime I feel like I am in a good space or that things are finally moving in the right direction ~ WHAM!!!
Hearing two staff they aren’t going to do something “because they don’t have time.”  So I double check with another manager whether a procedure that was instigated by a corporate representative is still going on.  Umm, yes he says.
I ask the two associates why they aren’t doing something ~ because we don’t have time!!!  Excuse me, I don’t have time for your bullshit  excuses!!
Do your damn  dang job!!!!
I’m busy too and have more on my plate than any one person should have!

What do you do with a Curve Ball?

Just what are you supposed to do?
First you sit, trying to hold the tears in, trying to understand what exactly is going on and you don’t open your mouth.
Then you sit and listen and listen some more.  Wondering why are you being thrown under the bus? You swallow a big swallow and repeat words that have been used and then sometimes you have to repeat them again.  Then you say “what exactly do you mean?”
And then you listen some more,
you ask…are we being fired?
Well not exactly, but dang it sure sounds like it.
And in the listening you hear things being said about something you have done and you are thinking “what are you talking about?”
You take a comment/statement made in which I was asking a question and then tell me you think I threw someone under the bus…um know, did you not hear me say I was following/participating in a conversation and asking a question.
Confused – yep that’s where we are.
Oh and lets just throw in a bunch of eye spasms just for the fun of it – do you know how hard it is to sit and look professional when your eyelid is spazzing out of control?
Trust me it’s not easy.
And then you remember something you shared earlier
as you prepared to go to work and you had heard some rumors
and so you prayed for all these things to be in your life today.
Well, I can tell you that most of these have been used today ~ and it wasn’t because of me it was because I had prayed before work this morning for the Lord to help me to remember these things no matter what curve balls came my way.
And boy have they been flying today ~ 
I can honestly say that God was present and with me – 
And if you have known me for any length of time
My MOUTH often works before the brain kicks in ~ 
starting out my day with the Lord,
seeking His guidance
helped me to get through this day with flying colors!!!
Does this mean we give up?
Absolutely Not!!!
God’s got our back
and we TRUST HIM!!!
And we know, no matter what
Jesus Love US!!!
and we are never alone!!!
So we are not sure what is around the corner, but we do know that God is on our team and every corner we make He will not leave us floundering.