January 1, 2022

Happy New Year 2022: Wishes, Quotes, Messages, WhatsApp Status, Wallpaper,  Images

Good morning and Happy New Year!
We ended 2021 spending a day of rest, what our little’s used to call a

Jammie... - The IPS/Butler University Laboratory School #60 | Facebook

We binge watched our current favorite show McLeod’s Daughters,
shared memories of the past year,
shared some goals and wishes for the new year,
drank coffee w/Bailey’s
and had one of our favorite dinners:
cheese, sausage, crackers, olives & pickles
and ended the night snuggling together as we fell asleep!

Today will be a crazy way to spend New Year’s Day
Santa has one last gig at a friend’s family’s lunch,
take a nap
and go to work ~ a job we are very thankful for!!!

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How did you close out 2021?
What are your plans for this first day in 2022?

Life: Hard Yet Blessed

Oh what a couple of weeks it has been!!! But before I share what has been happening with us let me share two scriptures from my morning…

The Living... — 1 Peter 5:6-7 (NIV) - Humble yourselves,...

and

What Does 2 Corinthians 5:7 Mean?

And the word that kept coming up was

STABILITY

I was clearly reminded that no matter what is going on or not going on that God cares about me and He wants me to keep my focus on Him, to be honest and authentic with Him in all areas of my life. That my walk with Him is by Faith and nothing else! And with Him, he is my rock and foundation, he cares about every little and big thing (and aren’t most things little in the whole scheme of things?) that is happening in my life.

One of my Christmas gifts this year was Scripture Tea (thanks J, S & O ~ you will never know how meaningful these were for me!). I decided I would start each morning with a cup of tea, to use whatever scripture as a jumping off point for me. Like usual, God met me right where I am today and with just what I needed. 2 Corinthians 5:7 “Walk by Faith not by sight!” First I laughed because I thought how appropriate…I can’t see out of one eye so just keep trusting God! to show me what I need today!!! Isn’t God awesome like that…giving me just what I need!!!

1 Peter 5:6 came from my devotional and as some of you know my anxiety has been climbing up the wall at a pretty steady pace the past few weeks and the week of Christmas it seemed to be climbing at an exceptionally fast pace or should I say beats…Christmas Eve found me in the ER with all signs of a heart attack in the making: nausea, chest pain with the giant elephant trying to get comfy, lots of sweating (I just heard my mom say, girls don’t sweat they perspire….no Mom this was sweating at it’s finest!).

Two nights later and after numerous blood tests, a CT scan and an echocardiogram I was given the all clear…well not super clear…I have a 30% blockage in my heart but it’s treatable!!! Yep, diet and exercise!!! Two of my least favorite things to focus on BUT God had been preparing me as I have been making some small changes in our eating plan and had ventured into doing some walking around our sweet little campground. One good thing was that my A1C had gone from 8.2 (10/29/21) to 7.0 (12/24/21) and that is a really good thing!!!!

So life continues…I spent quite a bit of time praying while I was in the hospital and was reminded in many ways that God is my protector and provider. Oh…one more thing the doctor said on Sunday as he was discharging me…Ms Margaret you need to stop worrying about things you have no control over! I laughed and said right. Dr. Feliz said, “no you need to quit worrying about stuff…if a thought or fear comes to mind ask yourself “what can I do about XYZ” and if the answer is nothing then let it go…you didn’t have a heart attack but you came close, so deal with what you can and whatever you can’t, let it go.”

I was alone for about 30 minutes after he left my room and I just cried, cried because one of my things is that I must be in control and the reality is that I am not in control of much. Thank you Dr. F and Jesus for this strong reminder and then confirming them this morning with my devotional and scripture tea!!!

God doesn’t just say things to me once but over and over…I’m sure it has to do with my ability to go my own way and not pay attention. I say that because yesterday I got an email from a dear friend who calls it like she sees it (that’s why I love her so)!

She wrote “I think you need to have a time of self-reflection and try to find contentment with where you are in life. Instead of always looking for the next job or the next change, just “be” where you’re at. Be settled. Be content. Practice intentional gratitude. You have a home. You are near family. You both are “ok”, healthwise.”

Just BE! There’s those infamous words…and continuing with my devotional this morning STABILITY or BE STABLE kept coming to mind….

My goal for today is to JUST BE! Be in the moment! Be content…I have all I need! God has provided in ways I would never have thought possible…five angels sent us financial gifts that covered the bills that were left after all our auto~withdrawls were covered with enough money to cover our rent for January 2022!!

Ron is feeling so much better and we are so thankful for that!!! He made the comment the other day that when he started at Amazon on 11/11 he had to walk up 50 steps w/four landings and he was having to stop at every landing to catch. his breath…last Thursday when he worked he didn’t have to stop on a landing at all and he wasn’t even out of breath when he got to the top of the stairs! Thank you Jesus for his healing!!! Next week he goes back to his full schedule of 3 days on (well nights) and 4 days off. After doctor appointments in two weeks we are hoping to take a short road trip to Alabama to see friends!!! And then after doctor appointments the second week of February we hope to take another short road trip to see family in Georgia!!!

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Question of the day ~ do you set goals?
Short term, daily, long term?

I think I set goals most every day.
I call it my To Do List ~

My To Do List Today:
~ do laundry √
~ take morning meds √
~ spend time in the Word √
~ pack Ron’s lunch for work
~ make dinner
~ write a blog post √
~ untangle a skein of yarn ARG!!

Just Some Rambling & Being Authentic

I have started three different blog posts in the last week…just can’t seem to find the ump to finish them…which is sort of how my life is right now…I am so good at starting things but staying focused, not so well lately.

I will start by sharing what I wrote in a small support group that I belong to. We are five women, who love the Lord, live in 5 different states and have one friend in common…make that two! Jesus and Gina. I have been friends with Gina since moving to Branson in 2012. And through her I got to know and love on her daughter, Destiny…Destiny is in her first year of college, loves the Lord, got straight A’s her first semester and knows how to have fun…thankful for the two of them in my life. The other two ladies are pastors’ wives…Lori and Alice F. I don’t know either of them very well but it just feels good to be in a group with other Christian ladies who live authentic lives and just love on those the Lord brings into their lives…

Each day in our little group we read the Proverb for the day…today being the 18th day of the month we read Proverbs 18. We ask the Lord to show us what he wants us to learn, sharing what has spoken to us, we share a song or a line of a song, ask God a question and if we hear a response we share that too…

Proverbs 18…I woke up to the song “I’m Waiting for You” by Michael W. Smith And the words going through my mind..what are you waiting for? what are you waiting for? and I thought…no one can do it for me…I just need to do it…I laid in bed with those thoughts running through my mind and finally got up.

Opened my Bible and the devotion going along with Proverbs 18 was titled “Isolation Isn’t the Answer” taken from vs 1 “One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires, he rebels against all sound wisdom.” And so many pieces of the devotion were as if Jesus was talking right to me…stop isolating, get out of your head, the more you isolate the deeper I go…vs 10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are protected.”vs 24 “One with many friends (acquaintances)may be harmed but there is a friend (Abba my Poppa) who stays closer than a brother

My prayer: Lord you know I am struggling and maybe I just need to stop struggling and just be…just be in the moment but Lord I’m so scared…our finances are in the tank and I am just scared! I say I trust you Lord, help me to truly TRUST you and turn those worries and fears over to you. Help me to be in the moment of today and not worry about tomorrow or next week…hearing Ron only works one day next week and one day the following week scares me…how can we pay our bills…help me to say out loud…Lord you will provide, you always will…help me in my unbelief and fears to keep trusting you. Amen.

God’s answer: from the song: ALI you are not alone You will be free indeed The journey begins and ends With me One million miles It starts with a step or two What are you waiting for? I’m waiting for you. Jesus. I’m waiting for you!!!

~~~ I felt encouraged. I got up and did a load of wash, ate some yogurt with some granola and then BLA!!! I felt slammed so I have just vegged on the couch for the past four hours…reading Facebook, writing an email, ate some lunch of goat cheese, crackers and 3

York Peppermint Patties Bulk Candy

York Peppermint Patties in honor of my mom’s birthday today.

I’m sure that’s why I am a little blah today..hard to believe she has been gone over 16 years!!! We didn’t have the best of relationships but she was my mom and I loved her and I miss her. As well our anniversary is in two days so my mind goes back to our wedding day…it was raining, my step-dad was running late as usual, making us late to the church. Mother-in-law was pacing on the steps wondering if we were going to show up. Someone had messed with the music (cassette tape) so the wrong song started playing and I cried through the whole darn service !!! As we stepped out of the church a rainbow came out (it had rained while we were in the church ~ that’s a sign from God…all will be well!

We went back to my mom and step-dad’s home…those who were drinking were in the kitchen, those who were not were in the living room and Ron & I just sort of hung between the two. At one point, my step-dad got his smart mouth going and said “well now that you are married you don’t need the key to our house.” So what did I do? Yep, I went into my bedroom, got my house key out of my purse and handed it to him!! The look on people’s face said it all…how could I do such a thing BUT what about him…how could he say something like that to me?

So much has happened in our lives over the past 46 years!! Yes we will celebrate 46 years of marriage on Monday, 12/20!!!

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Below is one of the blog posts I started over a week ago. I had opened a devotion online…can’t remember which one but it was titled

“Willingly give and receive help from others.” OUCH! OUCH! Ouch!

It goes both ways. You have to be willing to give help when you see a need or to receive it when God brings the answers you need through the hands of friends. People don’t know what you have need of unless you tell them. You have to be vulnerable to share your need and give them the opportunity to help. 
 
Today’s One Thing If you know people in your community facing a challenge in some area of their life, offer your help and friendship this week. If you need a helping hand, be willing to reach out and ask for help.
 

Ouch!…it still stings to read that ~ why because I hate to ask for help. I love to help others and will in any way I possibly can. BUT asking for help…um not usually. Why? Because a few years back I was hurt by someone when I asked for help…I was told in no uncertain terms “you are an adult, you need to stop relying on others and do for yourself.” I have carried that in my heart for over 20 years…I know I’m an adult and I (we) try very hard not to rely on or ask others for help.

I can tell you the reason I feel like I need help…I’m scared, I’m feeling desperate, I’m scared on the unknown and I can’t see a way out of the situation we find ourselves in except through time BUT time is not my friend when bill collectors start calling, when gas is needed in the truck, when I look to see what we have in the trailer to fix a meal and the food I see is not the healthiest of things: lots of dry pasta, lots of crackers, lots of canned pasta, lots of not so healthy foods when you are trying to focus on clean eating, low carb type stuff.

I have much to be thankful for and that also hinders me from asking for help…I am so thankful that Ron is still with me, with us, with our family. I am thankful for all the prayers that were sent up when we didn’t know what was going on and when we found out he had a heart attack. I am thankful for his Medicare and his Amazon health benefits that started on his first day of work. I am thankful he only missed three weeks of work and that upon his return he is feeling good both physically and emotionally. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel…then yesterday he came home and said next week he will only work one day and the same for the next week (you know Christmas and New Year’s holidays). And that is a big hit for us financially. I’m trying not worry, I keep going to our banks websites and Quicken to see where we stand with auto withdrawals…so far so good but other things are looming: gas for the truck to get to work and to doctor’s appointments, buying medication, again thankful for the insurance to lower the cost of my diabetes medication and others as well but it is still a big chunk each. month, getting fresh fruit/veggies to go with all our canned stuff to make semi healthy meals and then my anxiety starts to climb and my mind races and I start to doubt and wonder where my trust and faith disappear to????

I listen to worship music, spend time in the Word, try to do things to keep me busy, that is when I can stay focused…today I have tried to watch TV but that’s not happening because the wifi here in the campground is acting up…probably because the campground is getting pretty full.

And now I am sitting here, wondering do I push the post button…and then I think about a young boy who told his dad many years ago that the one thing he liked about Aunti Ali is that she is authentic and if you know me, I don’t like to disappoint anyone!! So continuing to be authentic I will publish this post and then check to see if the dang internet is working enough for me to bury my mind in a good murder drama on Dateline!!!

Scared, Anxious & Afraid

Fear Not for I Am With You Print Isaiah 41:10 Sign Scripture | Etsy

As I sit here in our little home on wheels my heart is troubled…don’t get me wrong, I have lots to be thankful for and I am BUT I am scared, so full of anxiety and afraid about so many things…YET I know God tells me every day (365 different scripture verses, one for every day of the year say “Fear Not”) yet I am scared/worried/anxious ~ put any word in that you like and right now that’s what I’m feeling.

We are having issues getting doctors to complete forms for the Critical Care Insurance and for Short Term Disability. The doctor has released Ron, sort of for work ~ can only lift 25 lbs/push~pull 50 lbs through the month of December BUT we are waiting for Amazon to say if they have anything Ron can do with those accommodations or else he will be off work till 1/1/22. Which literally means no work means no income coming in the door. I don’t know how people make it living only on Social Security…Ron gets all of $1075 a month…I balanced the check book this morning…we have enough money in our two banks to cover all the auto withdrawals through the month of December.

Don't Worry About Tomorrow Bible Verse Card

I KNOW God’s word says over and over not to worry about tomorrow YET that is so hard. I feel like (and yes I know feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are) a fraud…I claim to be a Christian, I counsel others to TRUST God and yet here I sit, questioning do I really believe? Do I really trust? I thought I was being strong, even told an old friend she would be proud of me for how I have handled the past couple of weeks and yet here I sit thinking I shouldn’t have tooted my own horn…and the phrase “pride goeth before the fall” is running rampant through my mind…strong me, no way.

I just want to call my Mommy and Daddy ~ heck they have been gone 16 and 21 years ~ and why would I want to call them, they were hardly around when I needed them growing up and then I hear myself say “Lord, I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep going, what are we supposed to do, how are we supposed to pay our bills”, once again we are in a financial pickle. Then I hear this voice say “whine, whine, whine!” Grow up and quit expecting others to jump in and take care of you!!!

Then my mind and words start down an ugly trail and the farther down the trail I go, the faster the thoughts come and I find myself screaming “GOD I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!”

After tumbling down the trail I come to a sign that says “Nope, you can’t go there! You took that off the table in 2009! There is no going back!” I sit in a puddle, wondering what to do? How do I stop? How do I get back to not being afraid, not being scared, not worrying about tomorrow? How???

Yesterday we walked into Bible study just as Pastor Fred was saying “there comes the old ways …

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Bible Quote - Sticker | TeePublic

And this verse came to mind…those thoughts I’ve been having are the old Alice, the new Ali keeps her faith and puts her trust in the Lord! And I do, but today it is hard!!! I find myself wanting to ask for help, but from who? I need to give thanks for the three people who have sent us some money, it covered our rent space for the month of December and filled the gas tank twice…and I am thankful and grateful.

Yet the little negative nellie voice says Yes, But, What about?, and I feel so alone and tears fall…I just want to scream…I can’t be strong anymore, I want someone to just fix everything …

… and then I think about all the people who wished me a happy birthday yesterday, for the grandson who bought me a Pop It, because he heard me say I wanted one ~ and he said “Grammy they didn’t have a pig and it wasn’t purple.” Oh Alex, you made this Grammy’s hearts swell and the tears fall…the love of a child is so precious and priceless. For the gift of a Jacquie Lawson Advent Calendar – I wanted one, I almost bought it but thought “no, that’s not money I need to be spending” and YET God blessed me with a sweet friend, who has loved me through all the good and the difficult times who blessed me with the advent calendar…and I hadn’t even told her I was looking and wanting it. And a delightful healthy birthday dinner spent with our youngest son, his wife and three of the four grandsons, then a Facetime call with our oldest son, his wife and daughter…I loved seeing them…I don’t get to see them very often. All the while being with the best hubby a girl could ask for ~ who loves me in spite of all my outbursts, temper tantrums and screams…and so thankful that my hubby is still here and that the heart attack from last week was a mild one and God spared his life…as one friend wrote on Facebook…God still has work for Ron to do!!!

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, after reading the advent reading for the day, to be honest for the past five days…life had gotten in the way, spending time chatting with God, crying out to him, I am reminded that

Have you experienced catastrophe? - Worthy Christian Devotions - Daily  Devotional

no matter what today brings God is in control and I just need to keep trusting Him!!!

*****
Do you have days like I wrote about?
Do you have thoughts of just giving up?
IF SO,
How do you turn from a down day to a great day?

Thanksgiving 2021

Thanksgiving 2021 Images: Download Free Pictures

Happy Thanksgiving 2021!!!
As the evening comes to a close I decided to just write about being Thankful.
Many of you know that Ron had a major health scare this past weekend.
Saturday night/Sunday morning Ron had a mild heart attack and was admitted to the hospital here in Wesley Chapel.

Even in the midst of scary things it’s always a good time to learn new things: I learned how to make a phone call between three people!! So thankful I was able to talk with Jamie & Brandon at the same time…it helped to calm this mama’s heart especially not knowing what was going on with Ron.
I also put gas in the truck for the first time!!
Found out it doesn’t need a gas cap ~ how cool is that?

Monday found them running ultrasounds on Ron’s legs and lungs to make sure there were no clots. Praise the Lord none were found!

A second issue was that his kidney numbers were out of whack and due to that they could not schedule him for an angiogram. So 6 hydration bags later and two days and Ron was ready for the angiogram.

Wednesday found lots of prayers going up for Ron, for me, for us, for the doctors and all involved in dealing with Ron’s health issues.
We’ve had some tense moments: when the port blew in Ron’s arm yet the Lord provided an ultrasound machine and a great tech who got another IV started…needed to keep that hydration flowing.

Two hours and forty-five minutes after Ron was taken for the heart cath procedure the doctor was back in his room while Ron was watched in recovery. The doctor stated there were no need for any stents ~ Praise the Lord!!

Yes he had a mild heart attack but it doesn’t appear to have any residual effects. Next up was getting the results of his most recent blood tests…yeah, his kidneys are working right and his numbers are coming back down. Praise the Lord!!!

The last thing needed was for the primary care doctor to say Ron could be released AND that happened about 4:45p on Wednesday!!! Praise the Lord!!!

After lots of paperwork we were headed home…via the emergency room to get his arm rewrapped to stop the bleeding where the IV had been…go figure!! So off to get prescriptions and pick up our mail we finally made it back to the trailer at 7:15p!

We were greeted by Brandon, Christopher, Treyson and Alexander with dinner: pitas filled with tzatziki sauce, curried chicken, spinach, tomatoes and feta cheese ~ yummy!!! The boys played some football while we visited…it was nice to get hugs and be together and a perfect way to end a very stressful few days!

Today dawned with bright sunshine and blue skies,
we both slept well, Ron slept for almost 12 hours straight ~ not surprising after three nights in the hospital…he said he would just get to sleep and then someone would come into his room to check his vitals, ask if he was in pain or if he needed anything? So sleeping in was nice!

We then made our way over to our daughter-in-love’s parents home for a wonderful dinner and fellowship.

Today I am thankful for my family, friends, all the love, prayers, support and encouragement ~ we definitely feel loved and cared for!!!

Hope y’all had a great and wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

307,591 Thanksgiving Background Stock Photos and Images - 123RF



UGH ~ part 2

UGH - Home | Facebook

Depression is no fun!! And there is no rhyme or reason for it!!! I don’t get it. I don’t get it why it flares it’s ugly head for no apparent reason
BUT
I think that is what is going on with me.
Okay, I admitted that’s where I am at!
Now to get out of it ~ that is the question.

I slept most of last night,
slept in till about 9:30 this morning,
went grocery shopping,
came home and made dinner ~ put potato soup in the crock pot.
That is the least I can do for my hubs…
make a good meal for him before he goes to work.

Took a 2+ hour nap on the couch
I did empty the garbage!
And cleaned the kitchen
!

And I have zoned out on Facebook,
watched two Christmas movies,
tried to write a meaningful blog post ~ that didn’t happen!

I’m supposed to go to a brunch/Bible study
tomorrow yet I’m already battling with myself
do I go or not go?
I bought the fruit salad
and I talked to Julie (so she is expecting me)

So I decided to look for some uplifting scriptures:

21 Inspirational Bible Verses to Encourage Your Spirit
20 Encouraging Bible Verses - Encouraging Words from the Bible

and then I found this:

5 Encouraging Scripture Verses for Hard Times - LetterPile

and I felt a little nudge from the Lord ~
just do one thing,
one thing today,
and then another thing tomorrow
and i feel encouraged
and a little lighter in my heart.

Thank you Lord for meeting me right where I am
just like You always do!!

UGH!

I’m writing this in blue because that’s how I’m feeling…blue, meh (borrowed from my bestie), tired, teary eyed…if there is a negative word that is me today and I’m not sure why.

I kind of alluded to this yesterday in my post…just feeling bleh!!! And I really don’t know why.

Life is good…Ron has a job. I have lots of free time..both alone and just hanging with my hubs. We have plenty of food on hand – granted it’s not all healthy stuff but hey it’s food. Our cupboards have lots of stuff in them. We have potatoes, ravioli, rice, pasta, cereal, oatmeal…all sorts of stuff…that I know I shouldn’t eat a lot of it, especially a lot at any one time but at the same time I’m not throwing perfectly good food out to go buy more especially since we haven’t worked or had a paycheck for a month. Ron gets his first paycheck on Friday ~ it will be a partial one as he only worked part of the week and we have some auto withdrawals that we have to make sure we have the money in the bank to cover them plus our other bills will be coming due in the next couple of weeks and not knowing exactly how much money will be coming in the door is causing me lots of anxiety!!

We have found a good doctor and are starting to get back on track with regular visits and since Ron is working at Amazon I have health insurance (a big deal with having diabetes and on two different insulins!) and Ron is on Medicare so that didn’t change.

I’m feeling a bit of stress over our trailer…we have a leak, we know where, just have to figure out how to fix it and then do it. We need 48 hours of absolutely no rain once we put the sealant on the seams…and a tall ladder for Ron to be able to get on it to put the sealant on…there is no way this lady is going on or even close to the roof!!!

I know all the things I should be saying to myself but it sounds hollow. I have plenty of time to write yet I just want to sleep or eat or both…but hey I’m not snacking in bed so that’s a good thing. Oh let me tell you what I did the other night…Ron had gone to work, I wanted to watch a movie but was afraid I would fall asleep so I thought about propping myself up on all the pillows on our bed…we have like 7 between the two of us…okay I have 5 and Ron has two LOL…and I wanted some popcorn. But remember I’m not eating/snacking in bed anymore so what’s a girl supposed to do.

So I made my popcorn, propped up all the pillows, crawled on top of the blankets, turned the movie on and watched a Christmas movie…talk about guilt…Christmas movie in November…OH NO, Ron would have had a fit LOL, does sitting on the bed, propped up on pillows count as eating in bed??? Not really but boy did I feel guilty. And like I told my friend, Lynda, many years ago…I am my own worst enemy as I tattle on myself all the time!! And I did…I emailed my Bestie, Dee, the other day and fessed up to eating the popcorn on the bed. But being the Bestie that she is…she never said a word to me…but let me tell you the guilt from that has been gnawing on me and I haven’t even considered it since!!!! So what do you think? Did I break my streak of not eating in bed? Should I start the count over?

I’m laughing at myself as I wrote the above but still feel like a frumpy fat cow right now, still wanting to just go crawl into bed and go to sleep…asking myself how do I get out of this funk? Any suggestions?

Grace Filled Food Freedom ~ Day 22

May be an image of text that says 'Day 22 Jesus, what I neec more than anything in in this worlo is Your healing touch. know that You're willing and capable, but I get confused about what my part is. Show me what it means to press in! GRACE FILLED PLATES'

Day 22: Desperate Times Call For…Desperate Measures! Isn’t that what we tell ourselves?

VERSE:“And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone.” Luke 8:43 ESV

READ: Luke 8:43-48

I Am Reaching – Luke 8:43-48 | The Bottom of a Bottle

EXCERPT: What do you desperately press into in your moments of distress? What would happen if you put the same amount of effort into seeking the hem of His garment as you do into pursuing food? For those of us who feel chewed up and spit out by diets and our feeble attempts to reel in our eating, it would change everything. Your problems are not too big or too small for our Lord. He is waiting for you to reach out... so that He can show up like no other can. And that is exactly how I feel so often…that my stuff, my issues are so insignificant to God and others and even to myself. Yet God tells me/us that he cares about everything we think and do. Then why do I question so often?

GRACE IN ACTION:
What would true desperation for His help look like in your life? Determine a plan of action that’s not dependent on you, and decide how you’ll press into Him the next time temptation hits.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I am on a merry-go-round, just spinning round and round and constantly back to where I started. I KNOW that’s not true but it’s how I’ve been feeling and sometimes my feelings get the best of me!!!

I’ve noticed that in the past few weeks I’ve been spinning round and round, that my depression is coming and going like a roller coaster goes up and down…that one day I am wearing a mask, the next everything is out there raw and untouched. I just don’t get why I can’t seem to be stable…stable in my eating, stable in my walking, stable in my thinking and then I find myself questioning what is wrong with me?

I set goals and make plans and then feel like it is all for naught…why bother because nothing seems to be going my way…I just don’t get my thinking lately…one minute I am feeling confident, trusting the Lord (at least I think I am) and the next my anxiety is climbing through the roof. One minute I feel loving and kind and the next snarky and ready to bite someone’s head off…I just don’t get myself lately.

There’s a part of me that just wants to tell the world and all those in my life to leave me alone yet in the next breath I am not wanting to be alone, thinking I need to find a job, need to get connected to in person friends. I feel like I am on the questioning merry-go-round and that it is getting ready to spin out of control!!!

Even as I am writing this I’m thinking…why am I whining? I have a good life…a husband who loves me, kids who care about me and call me and want me in their lives but in the next breath thinking why bother???? Do I post this blog or toss it??? Do I eat something or not? I want to go out to eat yet I just want to eat candy!!! I want to go for a walk but then I want to go crawl back into bed!!!

I’m just in a quandary!!! What to do???

Catching Up and Changing Things a Bit

What’s happening…well I have walked three of the last four days…reached my goal for this week. By the end of November I want to be walking 5 out of 7 days a week. I need to see things completed/marked off so I put a little list at the bottom of my daytimer…categories are: Blog, Devotional, NOOM, Daily Housework, Walk AM & PM, Journal and weekly Laundry. I love to see the tally marks adding up.

Blog ~ goal is to write at least one blog post a day. The topic may have to do with my devotional, my getting healthy journey, life happenings or just random thoughts.

Devotional ~ spending time in the Word. It could be from an email, reflecting on sermon notes, reflecting on a meme/picture or something else shared on Facebook relating to Scripture or the Lord.

NOOM ~ I joined NOOM on 9/27/21. I have worked on different habits, starting new ones, quitting bad I mean, unhealthy habits…like not grabbing a snack and eating it in bed as I scroll through Facebook or play games before I fall asleep. by the way as of today it has been 31 nights!! of no snacking in bed when I go to bed at night!!!! I don’t report the days every day but I do keep track for myself plus I do like to get those pats on the back for sticking to something!! You know, being encouraged always helps me to stay on track!!!

The other habit I have been working on is not drinking soda pop: whether diet, zero or with lots of sugar!!! I really started focusing on that habit on 11/1. So far I have had 4 soda’s total…not bad for a girl who has been known to drink 4 to 6 cans/bottles a day!! Yes per day!!!!

Daily Housework ~ probably some people just think is a given but in may case I can be a slug, crocheting, trolling on Facebook, reading, zoning in front of the TV and and truly just be a slug. This helps me to focus on one thing each day to do. Whether it’s cleaning the bathroom (my least favorite) to doing dishes (yes I have been known to leave dishes sit for 3 or 4 days!!!) NO JUDGING! and everything in between.

Walk AM & PM ~ my goal, like I mentioned above is to be walking 2x a day 5 of 7 days by the end of November. So far my four walks have all just been once a day…but hey, starting somewhere. Today I have a good chance of getting both walks in as I walked this morning after Ron went to sleep after working his first night at Amazon. And he works tonight so I will do what I did last night ~ he left for work about 5:30 and I went for a walk then. He plans to leave about 5:15p tonight as he was 4 minutes late last night…traffic around Wesley Chapel is something we are not used to!!! When working at AKP, we were due to be at work at 10a and we got off at noon…both times are not high traffic times…well 5:30p is high, high traffic times here!!! As our son informed us after we moved from Seffner to Wesley Chapel…during the summer Wesley Chapel has about 25K people but in the winter when the snowbirds arrive the population can increase to 100K or more!!!! Yep we need to do a bit more planning!!! So I’m actually tracking two things in regards to my walking…both AM & PM and then twice a day!!!

Journal ~ what does that bring to your mind? Writing in a journal but isn’t that what my blog is…a journal of our life, the good, the bad, the highs, the lows and everything in between…YES…for me when I see JOURNAL what I am thinking of is transferring all of my handwritten journals to the computer…remember my dream to write a book some day…it is still on the back burner and I have a couple of ideas and one of the tools is to have my journal writings from the past 45+ years on the computer!!! Yes I have been journaling since Ron and I got married. I actually started in the Spring of 1975. Some journaling was done daily, sometimes I didn’t put pen to paper for weeks on end. It is also interesting to see how my mind, my behaviors, my beliefs and life in general has changed over the years!!!

Laundry ~ now why would I need to track laundry…well there is a couple of reasons. One I like to know how many loads I do a week and how much we spend on laundry. It’s amazing how some weeks we can four or five loads and other weeks we have only one!! I’m trying to see if there is a rhyme or reason to it…nothing big or serious, just curiosity!

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So now it’s time for a few questions…
What are some things/topics do you like to read about more? Is there one thing over another?
Do you like pictures in the blog? Personal pictures? Images from Google? Memes?
Devotionals?
News about my health journey?
Or just a hodgepodge of things?

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What’s happening with us?
For the time being we have decided to stay put here in Wesley Chapel, Florida. We are about 25 miles from Brandon and his family. We love being able to spend a few hours with them, visiting, sharing a meal, watching the Seahawks as well as lots of other sports. We also enjoy being able to go to their sporting events. This weekend we are going to watch Treyson and Alexander in their championship soccer games!!! Last weekend we were able to go and watch Christopher play basketball! By the way, his team won 44 to 22!! And oh the memories that flowed during practice and the game…remembering when Jamie & Brandon played sports!!! And I thought about a weekend we were in Idaho when Brandon was coaching one of the Boise Flight teams and we all got stuck at the hotel (us in our motorhome) and Brandon called and said do you think $XXXX will cover pizza dinner for all the boys, coaches and parents? No problem. Ron and I jumped into action and threw together a chicken noodle casserole, spaghetti, salad and picked up oranges and milk and took it all to the hotel to feed the gang. You know what they say “Once a Team Mom, always a Team Mom!” whether your own kid is playing, your son is coaching, a grand is playing…always a team mom!!!

So for now, Ron will be working at Amazon. One of the perks is that he gets medical benefits which means I still have medical insurance and it started the same day he started with them!!! As you may know, diabetes medication costs are out of this world…the difference is paying over $600 for one month of one type of insulin verses $30 for the same medication with insurance!!! Thank you Lord for providing for us!!! Ron’s work schedule is 6:30p to 7:00a Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights! So three days a week of work and four days to play!!! Almost as good as working 7 days on/7 days off!!!

That may leave you wondering what will I be doing ~ well playing on Ron’s days off, being a Grammy every chance I get, resting my foot in between walks…it is getting better but still aches sometimes when I am up and on it for a whole day, writing and crocheting!!!

I have lots of crochet projects to finish and lots I want to do but I’m also going to try to see if I can sell some of my creations. Here’s a few pics of some of the things I have made. Let me know if you see something you like and let’s chat about how you can get some great items and I can make a little money!!!

Baby Hat
Baby Girl Outfit: includes bonnet, booties, dress
Octopus
(one of many toys I have made: unicorns, kitty’s, dogs, etc.)
Headbands…all sizes and styles
And for fun…remember the toilet paper shortage in summer of 2020! Made and sent to a dear friend 😃

And lots of blankets…you can also check out my Crochet & More by Ali page to see other things I have made for gifts and by special request!

Well I guess that’s enough rambling for today!
Don’t forget to answer the above questions!

Raw…

Please excuse my rambling thoughts…the following devotion resonates with me so I want to share yet I know my mind has been going on lots of little rabbit trails the past few days…so my writing reflects that…anyway, I hope you enjoy reading about what my crazy brain has been thinking.

Midnight Mom Devotional  Tonight we pray for the momma who is worried. Her heart is heavy. She’s having trouble sleeping. She may even be crying inside but putting on a smile for others. Lord, there are so many things that we as mommas worry about daily and even nightly. You asked us to give it to You. Tonight, we give You our worries. We ask for Your peace. We thank You for taking care of all our needs. Please help this momma to find community and any help that she needs. Please grant her sleep tonight. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

I’ve read this post multiple times in the past day…as well as reflecting on a couple of verses from our sermon this past Sunday…WORRY…

And immediately my mind goes back to different times in my life where I have worried myself sick or beat myself up because something wasn’t going right or the way I thought it should. It’s called control…or should I say lack of control…that’s when my worry really rears its ugly head!!! And the flip side is the mask I wear when on the inside my worry is overwhelming my mind and body every way possible.

I am always amazed how the Lord brings lots of things together to remind me of certain things. And today it happened again. In the message given at The Gathering, Pastor Fred was talking about how we are to love one another as Christ loves us and how we can’t love others like Christ loves if we don’t love Him first!!! The second is to rely on the Holy Spirit as we go through our days. The fruits of the Spirit are all the ways we demonstrate love to others and ourselves!

Fruit Of The SpiritBible Verse PrintChristian image 1

The one I struggle with the most is SELF-CONTROL … control of myself…and wanting to control others, heck control everything!!!

Back to the devotion: worry is so easy to do yet so harmful in the long run. I remember a conversation I had with Pastor Charles’ wife, Margaret, one day while Jamie was in Iraq. (I did a ton of worrying that year!). And she told me that she would pray for Jamie everyday so I could take worry off my plate. I wish I could say I was able to do that but I can’t…I did still worry a lot, but I found myself praying more too! When I would catch myself worrying about Jamie…I would think about what Margaret had said, then say a prayer for Jamie and move on. I also remember when our grandson, Max was in Kuwait/Iraq years later how my worry was so different…I can actually say I don’t think I worried nearly as much for Max but I sure did a whole lot of praying!!!



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Do you worry?
What do you do so you don’t worry about things?