It’s Been Awhile ~

Life has been tough! Life just seems to be ????? heck I can’t even think of a word to describe it ~ it just has been tough!!!

Someone asked me why I hadn’t written anything in awhile ~ I’ve been thinking about that and my first response is “I’m just tired.” And then I realized I am just tired of everything that seems so heavy, so negative, so stagnant. And then I ask WHY? What has changed in my life…and I reflect back to the middle of March 2020. My anxiety was high, we were preparing to travel for 5 days to go see Ron’s oncologist for his annual cancer check up. Hard to believe it had been two years since his surgery to remove the nasty C.

For the most part we don’t watch the news every day but since we would be traveling we were watching the weather reports and talk of Covid was beginning to run rampant. Yes it was scary, yes it is a nasty bug but life for us continued…we faced what we needed to face and put one foot in front of the other. Tensions were running high here in our home. The little’s were anxious about us being gone for 5 nights, we were anxious of what would the doctor’s find, we were concerned how the little’s would do. It was the beginning of Spring Break and we had had to change our plans from a camping trip to a doctor’s visit. And yet we still put one foot in front of the other.

The doctor’s appointments went well. Cancer is still gone. The only concern voiced was Ron’s weight…but that is nothing new; we have both battled being overweight for all of our adult lives. What a relief. We both commented that night as we laid in bed how relieved we each were, apologized to each other for our shortness with each other and planned a nice one last night out without little’s for our return to the ranch.

And then life threw a punch…quarantined to the ranch. By the time the kids went back to school it was 159 days from school day to school day. Yes, we got out a bit: took the kidlets to the drive thru Safari in San Antonio, only getting out of the truck to go to the restroom, we bought a little blow up pool and the kids had many “swim days” right here at home but for the most part it was Ron or I going to the grocery store or picking up the mail. Even trips to the office were cancelled unless absolutely necessary. Kids did counseling via Zoom, even did a couple of doctor appointments via Zoom ~ do you know how hard it is to keep a 5 year old engaged in a conversation with a face on the screen to be diagnosed and treated by a physician. In my opinion, it was pretty worthless.

Then unexpected changes happened, got new kids to our home due to staff changes. Little’s were moved to a foster adopt home, start to finish was less than four weeks, crazy times for sure, more schedule changes here at the ranch, rumors and anxiety flew at a rapid pace about the future of the ranch, our jobs and then we were scrambling to get the kid’s stuff for school not knowing, were they going in person or would it be remote. Our girl decided she was going to go to school ~ a good move for her as it got her out of the house, she gets to see friends and interact with others.

And then I realized through it all that my depression was lurking around every corner. Visually appearing as exhaustion, lots of exhaustion, absolutely no energy to do anything. Yes I kept cooking for the family, attended the necessary training’s for the job, did what needed to be done but my heart was not in it, I was and am just plain tired.

And yet, through it all I have kept moving forward, slower at times with lots of naps thrown in and yet I haven’t totally given up. Though at times I would like to crawl into my recliner, crochet and watch TV and hide and hibernate from all, and some days I did just that…I give myself kudos for not totally throwing in the towel.

And so today, I find myself asking what do I need to do to get out of this funk…to get energy back, to feel alive and not like a slug. So I did what I know to do. I opened my Bible for a short devotion yesterday and today and always, always God has met me where I am.

Yesterday my devotion was titled “Bountiful Benefits” and this morning was “Relief from Your Distress” ~ yes, Jesus met me right where I am…God accepts me right where I am and loves me unconditionally and I was reminded that God forgives, He heals, He encourages and I am good enough just the way I am AND I have much to be thankful for…family, friends (even though the circle has gotten smaller ~ I think more my choice than anything), a job that doesn’t really feel like a job most of the time, the ability to be with my hubby most all the time and even when he does something that drives me crazy or makes me want to slap the sh** out of him, I am thankful for Ron, for Ron’s love for me and the patience he shows me when I drive him crazy or ask for three kinds of ice cream on a rainy night when he really doesn’t want to go out but he goes to the store anyway. Yes I am blessed beyond measure.

I am encouraged to cry out to the Lord, to give thanks for everything, to keep on trusting Him and to know that

For my good! I may not understand the why’s or how come’s but I do know that I am never alone and that no matter what happens with our jobs, our living situation or ??? that God is in control and that no matter what happens today or tomorrow, in the end everything will work together for good!

R is for Ready Set Go!!

R is for Ready Set Go!!

Friday and Saturday were busy days for us…

…doing all the last reports for the campground,

…the final clean up of the office,

…putting all the picnic tables away,

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 …one more check of the garage,

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…and a final walk through the campground,

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and readying the motor home for travel,

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Ron cleaning the front window.  If you look closely you can see where he has cleaned it on the right and the left still needs to be done.

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Working on the left – the right looks great!

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My man hard at work 😉

We are ready to move on to our next adventure

yet a little sad to be leaving.

It was kind of weird to be in the campground the last night with no one in the campground!!

 

 

N is for Numb and Never Say Never

N is for Numb

Have been feeling kind of NUMB after hearing the news of the horrible explosions at the Boston Marathon.

I just can’t wrap my mind around how people can hurt innocent people.

I know there is evil in the world but it still hurts thinking about those who were killed or injured in this horrible tragedy.

I wish I could say more but Numb is all I can think of.

Then I remember a scripture verse I wrote about the other day

Is 40 31

And I find myself asking the Lord to be with those who have been hurt and with the family’s of those who lost loved ones.

As well as with parents  all over the US who are talking  to their children about this incident.  Lord give those parents wisdom to know how much to share and encourage them to pray with their children and for the Lord to give them each that peace that passes all understanding.

And I am reminded of my life verse:

Proverbs 3 56

And that even though I am feeling NUMB the Lord is still in charge and He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And no matter the road we travel I am reminded I am never alone.

and then I thought about the word NEVER and learning to

never

In the early years of  our marriage I told Ron I would

Never move to Blaine

Never live with his mom

Never go to the Birch Bay Mennonite Church

Never live at the farm where he was raised

Well the Lord showed me it is NOT my will BUT HIS WILL for my life

because in February 1989 we moved to Blaine and in with Ron’s mom and we lived with each other for 3 1/2 months and didn’t kill each other 🙂

and we started to attend Birch Bay Bible Mennonite Church where Ron had attended all his grown up years.  Not only did we attend there we became members and attended the church for over three years.  We moved on to another church for three years and then returned to  Birch Bay Bible Mennonite Church for another three years!!!  Can you hear God laughing yet???

And in June of 1990 Anne, Ron’s mom, asked us if we would move to the farm.  It was a beautiful home, 2500 square feet on 40 acres.

Some of our best years were spent on that farm.

We raised our own meat: Sheep, Steers, Pigs, and Goats.

(lots of stories will be shared later about the life of living on a farm with animals who have minds of their own 🙂 )

We had some great parties and get-together’s.

(more stories to come)

And faced some difficult challenges

BUT through it all God was faithful!

And in my numbness today I am reminded  to stay strong and keep my faith in the Lord.  He has never let me down!!!

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness, help me to keep my faith strong in you!