Author: Ali

As I thought about writing this blog post from a feeling of starting over again…two things went through my mind…first was this verse from Lamentations:

which is something I (we, Ron and I) have said many times in many different situations and if God tells me His mercies are new every morning why am I so hard on myself when I feel like I am starting over, starting over again and again? Because if God is good with new beginnings every day, shouldn’t I be good with wherever I am happen to be in my walk on this journey we call life?

I then looked for a picture about starting over and this one was one of the first to pop up…

And I was reminded that the reality is I am not starting totally over again, I am starting the day with the information and previous experiences have given me.

So even though I feel like I have failed, have stumbled, have gotten stuck ~ the reality is that I am not the same as I was yesterday, a month ago or even years ago. I may be dealing with some, if not many of the same issues from who knows when I am still not where I was…so today as I give myself the grace and mercy that our loving God gives to me I move forward. And that is a good thing!!!

And just like always, God always meets me right where I am. Today my reading was in Proverbs 24…

No Matter What, GET BACK UP!

Stop reacting to what others say and do…DO what I know I need to do and what I know to be truth!

And so today I continue on my journey of becoming healthier. In my devotion from Grace Filled Food Freedom I am reminded that I walk a different path today then I did yesterday or the day before. My goals are ever changing and that’s okay as long as I keep my eye on the prize!

Yesterday during the sermon Pastor Fred asked the question “What is your motive?” He was talking about how we are to be as mentioned in James 3: 13-18…Pure, Peaceful, Gentle,, Obedient, Merciful, participate in Good actions, fair and genuine.

So the question…what is my motive? also comes out as what is my why? why do I want to get healthy? the simple answer is because I don’t like how I look or how I feel. I feel fat and I have no energy and I want to be able to do things with my sweet hubby (who by the way puts up with a lot from me…my grumpiness and my weird ideas 😳) and my kids and grands! and friends!!!

The other thought that went through my mind about my motive is that I want to be an example to others…to share that it doesn’t matter if you came from a crappy home life as a child or had abusive parents or alcoholic parents you don’t have to be like them. I want to be an encourager even when I’m struggling with stuff because, well who doesn’t struggle with things in life? Don’t we all have struggles and trials – they are just different from one another.

I want to show others that you don’t have to have a million dollars in your bank account to have a good life. Not to say I wouldn’t want to try to see what it would be like to have a million dollars to spend … isn’t that why we play the lottery every once in awhile…to allow ourselves to dream. One thing I have shared over the years is that we may not have a lot of money but we have never gone without what we needed…we have never gone without a meal though there have been times we have wondered where the next meal would come from BUT God has always provided. Once while living/working in Cedarcreek, MO we went quite a while without a paycheck through no fault of our own. Ron and I were bickering at each other and finally Ron said “let’s go for a drive.” My thought, that would be fun but we don’t have money for gas, we always want to stop to get something to drink while out for a drive but there is no money for that BUT better to go for a drive then to continue bickering.

Drives for us are very healing and healthy. We have some of our best talks. So we filled the car with $25 of the $40 we had to our name and we set off on a drive. I don’t remember where we went, just drove around the area. We were gone for about three hours. I remember the day was filled with sunshine, we listened to quite a few of our CD’s…probably from New South or Barbara Fairchild & Roy Morris and by the time we got back to the motorhome we were both in a much better mood. We checked the mail as we pulled into the driveway. In the mail was an envelope with our names on it. I remember Ali was spelled Allie ~ which surprised me. We made our way into the motorhome and started going through the mail. I opened the envelope addressed to Allie & Ron…inside was a card with a note that said “this is for you guys, not GUMI camp” along with 5 $100 bills!!! Wow!!! We had only told a few people what was going on at the time…my bestie in Washington state and a couple of friends in Branson…but none of them were in a position to be able to send us that kind of money PLUS the money and card was hand delivered…there was no stamp on the envelope…a plain envelope with Allie & Ron printed on it so it hadn’t come through the regular mail. I remember we both just sat and stared at the money and tried to figure out who would have given it to us. You know we never did find out but you can bet we have never forgotten the wonderful gift that came at the right time. We were able to fill the car with gas, go grocery shopping and get some much needed fresh fruit, vegetables and meat. God provided for a way we could not imagine.

There have been many other times where God provided for us in ways we could never imagine. And we are so thankful. I want to be an example for others, to show them that even when life seems crazy, that when the tunnel doesn’t seem to have a light at the end that we just continue to trust in our Lord to take care of us.

And so today I am choosing to start the day by making healthy food choices, drinking my water, tackling some much needed chores and spending time in the Word and with my Lord before relaxing and vegging on some TV shows with my hubby!!!

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Do you feel like you have started over so many times you can’t count?
How do you stay encouraged to keep to the course?

Someone, after reading my blog from yesterday, asked me why I am so open about my life…a few of the reasons are:

• being true and authentic is important to me
• writing helps me to think and process things
• as I told a friend many years ago “I am my own worst enemy” why? because I always tell on myself
• I lived with secrets for most of my early life and I don’t like secrets, well unless it’s about a surprise party😁
• also, not having close friends in proximity, writing is a tool I can use to get feedback from others

Yesterday I was not in a real good space, I even alluded to it that I was whining about how I was feeling and not being around friends, not having face-to-face fellowship and specifically how I had hinted that I wanted someone to come and pick me up for the potluck at our local church…a couple of friends responded “people are not mind readers, ask for what you need.” After reading their responses I knew they were right, I KNOW people are not mind readers…just ask Ron 😳…even after 46 years of marriage and lots of counseling I still expect him to read my mind, LOL! As well, an email from someone saying they hoped they didn’t offend me or hurt my feelings. Of course not!!! If having someone make a comment or reply to a blog post was going to offend me I wouldn’t write…I love it when people comment PLUS how can I learn and grow if people didn’t share their thoughts or comments.

I’m also trying to be open to what the Lord has to say to me through my devotions and Bible readings and today He did not disappoint me. It was like He is a mind reader 😂

My devotional reading today was in Proverbs 14…below are the verses that really spoke to me: red italics are my thoughts

³ A rebel’s foolish talk should prick his own pride! But the wise man’s speech is respected. Even fools need discipline

⁶ A mocker never finds the wisdom he claims he is looking for, yet it comes easily to the man with common sense. knowledge & perceptive

¹⁰ Only the person involved can know his own bitterness or joy—no one else can really share it. I think this is one of the reasons I write, I want to share the good, the bad, the beautiful and ugly, the joys and sorrows to hopefully be an encouragement to others

¹³ Laughter cannot mask a heavy heart. When the laughter ends, the grief remains. I think about my older sister, Kathy. She told me one time that she would hide behind her laughter and I feel sad thinking she too struggled with so much in her life.

¹⁷ A short-tempered man is a fool. He hates the man who is patient. This one really hit home…thinking about how quick I was to get so angry on Tuesday dealing with the fiasco of the insurance and my medication…

²³ Work brings profit; talk brings poverty! Action speaks louder than words!

²⁹ A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes. Similar thoughts & response as verse 17: This one really hit home…thinking about how quick I was to get so angry on Tuesday dealing with the fiasco of the insurance and my medication…understanding instead of foolishness.

³⁰ A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life; jealousy rots it away. When I am looking at the positive, being thankful, expressing gratitude life and keeping my focus on the Lord keeps my anxiety at bay.

My devotion closed with

And I am was reminded to rest on God’s solid foundation, serve ALL joyfully and let those in my life know how important they are to me…Ron, our boys, their sweet wives, our grandchildren, friends who have become my family.

I then started down memory lane…Ron and I have been married 46+ years and we have met so many people, had more adventures than we could have ever imagined, traveled to places we could only dream about and the truth is we are so blessed!!! Even in the middle of struggles and trials we are loved and blessed beyond measure.

And then as I continued with the Grace Filled Food Freedom study…the title for today: Perils of Perfectionism ~~ When the bar is too high, we stop trying. This is why you’ve struggled with diets (and so many other areas of my life). At one point you thought you could do it ALL, tomorrow. But time has revealed to you (and 95% of dieters) that change does not happen overnight. And ironically, striving for a perfect diet only makes it harder to eat healthfully, as our cravings grow fangs when our favorite foods are banned from our lives. Take today to meditate on how grace can and will transform your life and your eating. What would happen if you stopped aiming for perfection and set your gaze on God’s goodness instead? How would things change if your food slips “go and reset” as soon as you noticed you’d veered? The answer may surprise you! And I am reminded again…GRACE!!! Extend grace to myself just like I extend grace to others. Be kind to myself and enjoy this season of life that I am in…strive to share the fruits of the Spirit with those I come into contact with.

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I want to end this post with a
BIG THANK YOU!!

to each of you who are a part of my life,
for loving me and encouraging me
and being a part of my life!!!

Can’t believe it has been a week since I last took time to write….I’m trying to extend GRACE to myself for not doing EVERYTHING that I think I need to be doing to be living the perfect life. OH WAIT ~ there is no perfect life. So I will take today as the gift it is and just move however best I can.

I continue to do a lot of self~talk. The last few days have been conversations about using my time wisely…it is so easy for me to sit, have the TV rambling in the background and zone out on Facebook or crochet for hours. Both of those activities are my escapes in this big world.

My days when Ron is working is a lot of quiet time (so he can sleep). I want to do something, I want to meet up with friends…oh that’s right, I don’t really have any here in Florida. Ron and I continue to talk about finding where we belong. We love Pastor Fred and his sermons at New River Church but the connections just don’t seem to be there. Oh the people are friendly each time we attend. People say they care but it feels like everyone is involved in their own little worlds with their own little group of people they do things with. I’m not really sure how to make those connections. Yesterday was The Gathering: an evening potluck, fellowship and a teaching. It was posted on NRC Facebook page and I commented (way early in the day) “Bummer, Ron is working so I won’t have transportation.” I guess I was hoping that someone would offer to pick me up…we only live 2 miles from the church. 9 people 👍🏼 or ❤️ and one person commented “it was a great time.” Yet no one commented to me or sent a message…maybe I am whining and expecting too much. I don’t know.

There is a Bible study on Saturday’s that I attended once and life has happened a lot and I haven’t been back…but I have put it on my calendar for this coming Saturday. I need, I crave, I miss having face-to-face fellowship and friendships. Am I whining? What do I need to do to make those connections.

But…moving on…lots more to share…

My devotional reading today came from Proverbs 13.

As I read this verse my heart races with so many thoughts. Having parents who weren’t the best at giving instructions or showing love I can only imagine what my life would have been like if I had had the caring and loving parents I have seen others have. We have a friend (a dad) and his daughter and each time we see them together Ron and I comment how we love to see their relationship and their interactions ~ they clearly love and respect each other! And I also pray that our own children and grandchildren know that we love and care for them and that we are so thankful when they seek our assistance or to just talk about something going on in their lives.

Oh how verse 3 resonated with me. Tuesday was a hard day! We had a doctor’s appointment, had to run errands to pick up the mail and some prescriptions, get a new blood pressure monitor (why do they sell wrist ones when the medical profession states they do not give accurate information!!!). So went to Walmart to get our prescriptions…a little history…our insurance made the decision to stop covering my Lantus. Sent me a letter with the name of the insulin they would cover. Added a statement in the letter that “it is the equivalent to Lantus and does NOT need a new prescription.” Oh me oh my…nope, needs a new prescription!!! Damn, we were just at the doctor’s and would have gotten a new prescription if we had been told that!!! Paid for the four of the six prescriptions that were ready…had gotten a text from Walmart the day before stating all six prescriptions were ready for pickup ~ um NO!!! Couldn’t get the insulin and one medication had to be ordered and wouldn’t be in till Friday!!! Come on people…at least tell the truth…either in your texts or give us a call!!!

Needless to say

my buttons were pushed!!! I didn’t lose it in Walmart ~ that’s a good thing right? I paid for the four prescriptions and walked out to the truck, Told Ron to not start the truck I needed to call the insurance agent. What a fiasco, frustration levels were rising, yes my voice was rising, asked to speak to a supervisor, didn’t do any good Yes I was yelling, yes I posted on Facebook because I was yelling “I’m so F**ing tired of trying!! and left it at that, yes I hung up the phone on the insurance lady!!! Told Ron matter of factly…just take me home now!! …yes I need a new prescription for the equivalent medication…then why the HE** did the dang letter say I didn’t??? So thankful my hubby loves me…we left Walmart and he started driving home. After about 20 minutes Ron quietly asked me “Are you going to go to B & D’s for dinner?” and I quietly responded “yes.” So he changed directions and we headed towards Land O’ Lakes. After a pretty stilted conversation we stopped at Walgreens to get a new blood pressure machine/arm cuff. Tension was still pretty high and I tossed

and

and

and

all into the cart and Ron didn’t say a word 😃…I think he knew better ☺️. And then we drove to B & D’s. When we walked in, I told Danalyn that I was going to go and take a nap as I needed an attitude adjustment. I took the bag with the goodies into the bedroom, tossing the bag on the dresser, laying down and going to sleep. When I woke up two hours later I walked out and whispered to Ron “honey I didn’t even open any of the bags of candy, I just went to sleep!” He smiled and said he was proud of me! I think my body was proud of me too…oh the havoc eating all that candy would have caused my body!!!!! Thank you Lord for giving me the self-control to just leave the candy on the dresser, go to sleep and wake refreshed and less agitated. We had a great dinner with the kids and grands…Brandon made the best pork chops, using

w/tomatoes & onions along with collard greens w/bacon. So yummy!!! And of course we got lots of Grammy & Grandpa hugs from the grands!!! And once again, the Lord has met me right where I am…reminding me to watch my tongue!!! Screaming and yelling only caused my blood pressure to go up and nothing else get done!!!

By the way, Wednesday I wrote an email to the doctor about the prescription snaffu, called Walmart…guess what they don’t carry the new insulin, found out CVS does so we will be changing all of our medications over to CVS which is just down the road from us! As they say, alls well that ends well!!! Now let’s hope the new insulin works as well if not better than the Lantus!!!

As I finished up reading Proverbs, the following two verses confirmed lots of the self-talk I have been having lately:

and

Remind me that I can want for many things but if I don’t listen to wise counsel and actually do something that my want will only be that…a want and not an outcome! So today I once again am putting the action behind my want…spending time in the Word, going for a walk around the campground (two already this morning after putting a load of laundry in the washer and again after putting them in the dryer) because we all know if we don’t actually do the change or the activity it won’t get done!!!

As I also continue with the Grace Filled Food Freedom study I am reminded that food is not my enemy but just a tool to get myself healthy and that I don’t need to cling to eating unhealthy foods but instead choose food that is full of good nourishment is better for me physically and emotionally and that the holes that I am quick to try to fill with food can actually be filled by clinging to my Lord and Savior and learning to love myself the way God loves me!!!

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What are some ways you deal with the unexpected, being told one thing and finding out that actually it is something different?

I also on the lookout for some good songs/playlists to listen to while I walk…
what do y’all suggest?

My scripture reading this morning comes from Proverbs 8 and is so appropriate as I think about two special friends who share birthdays today…Lynda & Kathy…two wise women I have known for over 30 years!!! So first off

Proverbs 8:5 reminds me of so much…to listen, to understand, don’t speak in haste (like a fool). One of the versions I read talked about being shrewd (having or showing sharp powers of judgment; astute). I am thankful for the examples Lynda and Kathy have been in my life: encouraging me to trust again, to think before speaking, to be aware of my surroundings but most of all to keep my focus on the Lord!

Proverbs 8:10 continues with more of the same wisdom

Encouraging me to listen, glean instruction from God’s word but also from the people in my life who love and care about me. I have many friends who love me and I am thankful for all of them but today I give extra thanks for Lynda and Kathy…they have walked many roads with me over the past 30+ years. We have shared laughs and tears, hugs and meals! Having them in my life means more to me than any amount of money!!! And isn’t that what we should focus on…realizing money isn’t everything but it is the friendships and relationships we share in life that bring us the most joy!!

As well life continues and I continue on this journey to get healthy, both physically and emotionally. I’m thankful for the tools that have been shown to me over the years, the encouragement given by so many. Yet sometimes the struggle seems overwhelming! I am reminded in Luke 9:23

Trying to make better and healthier food choices is hard. The struggle is real because that’s the way it’s meant to be. I guess if it was super easy to make healthy food choices or to decide to go for a walk then life would be boring. To struggle without purpose is torture. From the Grace Filled Food Freedom group on Facebook I am reminded “To struggle with purpose is exactly what Christ did and directs us to do. And, I know it seems trivial to compare your desire for an Oreo to the cross, but let’s look at the bigger picture here. The cross was Christ yielding to God’s plan. Choose to proactively struggle for the sake of Christ. Toss the most (or least) amazing bite from your plate, exercise when you’d rather lie comatose on the couch, or swap a pastry for a prayer. Then, celebrate and meditate on the joy that comes after walking in His footsteps.

One of my life struggles has been the “all or nothing thinking” which I am really good at. A typical thought for me has been “heck I had a cookie so I might as well eat the whole dang bag!” or “I can’t walk for 30 minutes so why bother walking at all” but those kinds of thoughts are slowly changing…this morning after I grabbed the clothes from the dryer I walked around the building instead of cutting across the grass back to the trailer. Not much but hey an extra 50 steps!!! And all those little steps will turn into a lot of steps!!!

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What kind of struggles do you face?
Have you come up with some alternate thoughts or activities to change those thoughts/behaviors?

Have you had a special friend who has walked alongside you during a difficult time? If so, remember to tell them thank you and how much you appreciate them!

I hate bugs! Especially fast and creepy crawly ones!
.

Same bug, just a close up picture of it. I found out it is a type of roache/silverfish and I know God made all the creatures but these, these have got to go!!! A friend of mine who has lived just about 20 miles from us here in Florida recommended something…it’s being ordered from Amazon…in the meantime, when I can catch the dang things…they are dead…they are FAST little buggers!!!! And even though I know they won’t actually hurt me I am always startled and jump when I see one!!!

A lot of things I have been trying to do daily didn’t happen yesterday ~ Thursday is always a crazy day as we switch our schedule up a bit to get into the swing of Ron’s work schedule…so up early, run a bunch of errands, come back to the trailer. While Ron napped I cleaned and organized our little home on wheels. We have been talking about getting rid of the double recliner and getting a futon so the grandboys can have a place to sleep…I am so ready for some sleepovers!!! This past week we were able to pick up an RV recliner and a futon off of Facebook marketplace. I think they look great!! And for those who want to know…Ron is keeping his dang big TV (55″) (its to the left of the recliner by the door) until we get a 2nd chair and 40″ ~ 43″ TV…but that’s not a priority right now…

This morning I was able to do my little morning routine…drank a bottle of water, weighed (down 9.8 lbs since 9/29/21 ~ not a lot but hey a girl has to start somewhere!), turned on some worship music and spend some time in the Word. Today’s reading is Proverbs 7.

and

Both of these verses really spoke to me and reminded me that I need to keep my focus on the Lord. Or I just get loud and crazy dumb!!! Just yesterday I was in a pretty selfish mood and Ron and I argued over the dumbest thing…something that happened in 1989/90!!! Now how dumb is that. I started sulking and after about 15 minutes I felt this little tug at my heart…”Ali you are just being stupid and selfish..what does it matter when the big snow storm was???” After a few more minutes I softly started talking with Ron…so thankful he loves me, foibles and all, and helps me to get back into a good place!!!

It’s been nice chatting with y’all..hope some of you chat back 🙂 …time to walk over to the office and see if I can buy some quarters to work on the never ending pile of laundry and go for a walk!!

Good morning on this overcast and grey cloudy day here in Wesley Chapel, Florida. I slept really well last night and after eating my gingerbread cookie for dessert last night I didn’t snack while watching TV…a big step for me. I kept taking sips of my water each time I had the thought “I want something to eat”. I wasn’t really hungry but I just like to snack..old habits are hard to break but being successful at new healthy habits feels wonderful!!!

Reminds me of many of the conversations with my Bestie…we know what we are supposed to do to lower our Blood Glucose, we know what makes us feel good emotionally and physically YET so often we choose the other path.

This morning my reading found me in Proverbs 5…

Ouch! OUCH!!! So much truth…I was diagnosed in 1995 with Type 2 Diabetes: 26 years I have been battling this disease, no putting bandaids on my health and it has’t been working…that’s obvious as I’m definitely overweight and it’s not baby weight!!! as my baby is almost 42!!! My skin is dry and flaky and my joints ache…ache a lot!!! And my headaches are happening two to three times a week now. Not to sound like I am beating myself up…I’m just trying to be honest.

At the same time I do give myself credit for the changes I have been trying no making. Once again I have stopped buying soda pop; yes I was back to drinking one or two Zero Coke’s or Sprites a day…ugh…but the last two times I went grocery shopping I didn’t buy any ~ yeah me!!! I have also quit snacking at bedtime…so hard not to do. As I shared with my Bestie…eating popcorn or cookies laying in bed was a happy memory of doing that with my mom when I was growing up…yes it brought me comfort! And we are making healthier food purchases like I wrote about yesterday…and I am reminded it’s one step at a time, one day at a time and sometimes it’s just one meal at a time!

Vs 14 “and everyone knows it!” is a good thing…it helps me to be accountable to myself and knowing my kids and framily (friends who are my family now) ask and care about me. And I feel special when my framily asks how things are going? or what are we having for dinner? or did you get out for a walk? I know it’s kind of selfish but I am a people person and I need people around me and involved in my life…so don’t hesitate to ask me how things are going…well only if you want to 🙂 !

Proverbs 5:23 also speaks volumes to me…IF I don’t get my act together…i.e. eating healthy, walking every day, taking care of my emotional and spiritual health I will die. Don’t get me wrong…we all are going to die at some point in our lives but IF I get my act together maybe I will be around for a long, long time.

This morning I’m thankful for the encouragement from the Lord as I spent time in His word and also thankful for the notes of encouragement I have received through my blog comments and email…you know who you are and I truly do appreciate you!!!

Today I continue with Daily To Do List ~
…weigh in the morning √
…take my morning medication√
…start my day with a bottle of water√
…spend time in the Word√
….write a blog post√
still to do … go for a walk
… take down the Christmas decorations
… make a healthy breakfast and dinner (guess that’s two things)
… crochet a bit on the project I’m putting together for a friend

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What about you? What’s on your To Do List?
Do you write your list out or is it just running through your head?

I’m using an Excel worksheet that a friend put together plus writing in my daytimer and logging my food in Myfitnesspal (to keep track of my carbs to adjust my insulin accordingly) and doing my daily NOOM lessons.

What a day…we had a plan but as it seems to be going so often lately our plans didn’t actually turn out the way we thought it would…

We have been thinking about getting a different storage unit closer to us here in Wesley Chapel so yesterday I called about one just down the road from us…was told a price, they had one available and made plans to be there shortly after 9 this morning…

…so after breakfast of yogurt and grain free granola we headed out for the day with our water bottles (no dehydration allowed!). Stopped at the storage unit place…the price quoted this morning was $40 more than yesterday then the guy basically said I couldn’t have been quoted what I was quoted…um don’t call me a liar…implied or stated…out the door we went.

We ran the rest of our errands changing our plans as we went by stopping at Costco…oh boy…reading labels is like

One of the things the doctors talked with Ron yesterday was to eat less salt, watch the sodium content of foods, stay away from processed foods, eat high protein, low carb…oh man…what should have taken us about 45 minutes was almost 2 hours!!! And so expensive…fresh fruit is so dang expensive and cooking from scratch takes lots of thinking…but we made it through Costco with lots of ideas of new meals…

So…share those high protein and low carb recipes!!! Especially snack ideas!!!

Our day ended with an invite to Brandon & Danalyn’s for dinner. Christopher was our chef…and dinner was delicious!!! Keto cheeseburger frittata, mixed veggies and green salad with home grown tomatoes, celery and cheese ~ Yummy!!! With gingerbread cookies for dessert ~ Brandon thought they were too salty…Ron loved them!!! The boys used salted butter so they will be trying again with unsalted butter!!! I will let you know how the new batch turns out!

After a fun evening we made our way back to our little home on wheels. On the way home we found out a friend of our’s passed away yesterday after a stroke a few days before…our prayers are with the Hardaway family as they travel this new journey without their hubby, father and grandpa. This caused a lot of reflecting for the two of us and how we were reminded how blessed we are…we have had so many hurdles tossed our way over the past few months but at every turn we see where the Lord has walked before us.

And through it all we are reminded to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, to stay strong and keep trusting the Lord at every turn! Moving forward is the only way to go!!! And with the Lord’s guidance we will continue to do just that!!!

Here is what Ron sent to Brandon:

The cardiologist today gave me a good explanation for what happened. The water pill I take is causing me to get dehydrated. Then that causes my blood pressure to drop. Then when I stood up the blood pressure dropped even more which caused me to pass out. He told me to stop taking the water pill and that should fix the passing out problem. He has released me to go home but now I have to wait for the hospital doctor to release me.

From Ali: I also spoke with the cardiologist…he said because Ron has lost over 20lbs in the last three months that our GP needs to adjust his HCTZ (the water pill) and probably his blood pressure medication (that is the new one from the end of November). He is now waiting to see the hospitalist to see if they want to do any further testing or if Ron can be released to go home. Once he is seen I will send out another update.

Thank y’all for praying. Love each of you!

I read the paragraph below in the midst of fear rearing its ugly head and yet feeling peace in a strange sort of way.

“One of the fears that many have at one time or another is the safety of our loves ones. The fear that something bad will happen to them. We can’t always be with them or always protect them. But God is with them always, and He is mighty. Pray that His protection would surround those we love, and His angels would guard their coming and going. Pray that He would keep them safe from harm. Thank Him that we can release those we love into His care, knowing that He watches over His children, and covers them in His care.”

Yesterday fear and panic raised its head when Ron passed out and fell beside the truck when we were in Secret Harbor to pick up an RV recliner. I yelled for help (duh didn’t even think to use my cell phone) and honked the horn, feeling panic rising up in my throat. A young couple came out of their townhome and called 911 for me. Another neighbor came to offer help. Paramedics arrived and transferred Ron to the hospital…concern was could it be his heart? could it be a stroke? He had a low Blood Glucose reading of 69, his heart rate was under 65. So an EKG, chest x-ray and finally a CT scan on his head the doctors decided to admit him to the hospital.

By the time the decision to admit Ron it was almost 8:30p. We had only planned to be gone for a few hours so we didn’t pack any of our necessities like my evening meds, morning meds, toothbrush, etc. We decided it would be best for me to return to the trailer, eat some dinner, take my meds and get a good night’s rest especially since there really wasn’t anything I could do for Ron.

After sending some texts to the boys and a few prayer warriors I made my way back to the trailer. It took me about 55 minutes (the GPS said it would be 43 minutes) so that wasn’t too bad. Made myself some dinner and then called it a night. Sleep was okay, only woke up twice so that was a good thing.

I spent some time in the Word…today it was Proverbs 3.

The devotional was written by Anna Rendell…
…we ask God to lead and guide our path but sometimes my trust falters
…trusting God with all my heart means leaning on His understanding, knowing that whatever that is, it is enough and it is right and we know it will be well no matter what. I remember how so often Pastor Charles would ask me “what is the worst thing that could happen”? and I would reply “something happening to Ron.” And then he would say…”no, Ron would be with Jesus and there is absolutely nothing sad or bad about that. Yes, life might be hard for me but I am loved by many and am truly never alone because Jesus is always with me.” And I KNOW that’s all true!
…I struggle with understanding why things happen and I get frustrated because I can’t control everything around me ~ like Ron passing out twice yesterday, being back in the hospital and so much unknown!
…trusting God with all our heart means relying on His understanding, letting the fact that He understands His ways be enough to answer my/our deepest questions of why and how.
…trusting God with all our heart and thinking of Him in all our ways, means we open our hearts to His path, as scary and new and unraveled as it may be. It means stepping forward, taking one step at a time until we are safe at the top, the darkness all behind us. When we’re not sure how to trust, we lean hard and step forward in faith, knowing that He is waiting at the top to welcome us.

And so this morning as I have been packing a few things to take to the hospital I have worship music on, drinking my bottle of water and repeating my life verse

The above picture speaks so much…the winding river, calm in some spots, imagining it having rapids somewhere along the path, beautiful sunset or sunrise, bright sky with some dark clouds and that’s how my life…beautiful at times, dark and dreary at times, peaceful then rocky then peaceful again…so as I head out the door to see my sweet hubby I go with peace in my heart, trying to remember to live in the moment! And I think about what I wrote just a few days ago

So life continues…I spent quite a bit of time praying while I was in the hospital and was reminded in many ways that God is my protector and provider. Oh…one more thing the doctor said on Sunday as he was discharging me…Ms Margaret you need to stop worrying about things you have no control over! I laughed and said right. Dr. Feliz said, “no you need to quit worrying about stuff…if a thought or fear comes to mind ask yourself “what can I do about XYZ” and if the answer is nothing then let it go…you didn’t have a heart attack but you came close, so deal with what you can and whatever you can’t, let it go.”

I was alone for about 30 minutes after he left my room and I just cried, cried because one of my things is that I must be in control and the reality is that I am not in control of much. Thank you Dr. F and Jesus for this strong reminder and then confirming them this morning with my devotional and scripture tea!!!

And so I reminded to keep trusting, putting one foot in front of the other and remember I am enough, I have enough, I am loved by many and I will never be alone!

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Two things…
1) I will update about Ron once I know something
and
2) do you have a favorite scripture verse that you turn to when you are struggling?
If so, please share!

I slept almost 12 hours last night. When I woke up and looked around the trailer I realized no admitted to myself that no one will do for me what I need to do but me. No amount of wishing or talking but I need to be the ump to get things done for myself. And I know what I need to do but what I need is someone to hold me accountable ~~ BUT then I think why can’t I hold myself accountable, I’m a grown ass woman. I shouldn’t need someone else to say “did you eat healthy today?” “did you spend time in the Word today?”

So I did what I usually do when I realize I need some action…I started down my mental To Do List
~ Take morning meds √
~ Drink a bottle of water √
~ Spend some time in the Word √
~ Made a mental list of things I need to do today √

And I asked myself why do I struggle so much and the first thing that came to mind was I struggle so I have a reason for someone, anyone to reach out to me…attention seeking is another way to put it…UGH I thought that was gone a long time ago!!!

~ Affirmation for today: Be all the amazing things to yourself that you are to everyone else! In other words extend the same grace you give to others to yourself!

I have been thinking about a friend who is really struggling with some addiction issues and she has been so transparent…she is a reminder to me to be authentic! Be truthful and honest with myself…it starts with me. If I’m not honest with myself how the hell can I be authentic with others. So today I say “Lord, thank you for the nudge this morning that I am responsible for me and only me. But I also know, I don’t have to walk this journey of life alone…YOU are always with me and you tell me that in my reading this morning!

and